to Sometimes get fed up being the pivotal person in my house?

(543 Posts)

Had a bit of a melt - down today, for many reasons. sad

I know that there really is no escape, but I seem to be the one who:

reminds,
decides,
repeats,
Is asked what/where/wgen/who/how,
and so on.

Does anyone else get fed up with nothing seeming to happen unless they provides the encouragement or urging or reminding or deciding to get it done?

Sorry, that was really badly constructed and self indulgent.

blush

actually i had that say today too, my poor mum had to listen to me rant smile

Mintyy Mon 03-Mar-14 20:13:52

Yanbu. I am seething with rage about this at most times.

ShoeWhore Mon 03-Mar-14 20:15:16

What would happen if you decided to stop reminding/deciding/repeating OP? Could you bear to do that?

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 03-Mar-14 20:15:41

I know what you mean as I'm in the same position!!!

I swear nothing would happen if I didn't sort it out!

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 03-Mar-14 20:15:48

I often wonder what would happen to the rest of the family if I stopped doing all of those things, or even just did them as often as DH (rarely).

It wouldn't take long for them to realise just how much they depend on me doing them.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDo Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:00

Sounds familiar grin
I had a tantrum about it last week, DH stood in front of me and said helplessly, 'Ok, what do you want me to do?'... Point made! angry

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:01

Yes I hear you loud and clear.

BrownSauceSandwich Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:12

Can you just stop? Please yourself and let everybody else's needs fall by the wayside?

There are two possibilities here, one is that you're genuinely doing stuff for the benefit of everybody else, which you should really just drop or risk turning into a complete martyr. Or you're chivvying them into doing stuff the way you like it done, and of especially benefiting anybody else. Either way, just stop for a bit, and see what happens.

Rabbitcar Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:17

Yes DH and I both work full time, but why do I have to do all the home and child related thinking/planning/deciding???

Rabbitcar Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:56

Sorry OP I of course mean YANBU!

FanjoForTheMammaries Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:56

DH got drunk and said to our friends "women are great, they do everything". hmm

sandyposy Mon 03-Mar-14 20:17:00

I am with you 100%

It is exhausting, and also very galling to realise that it almost always seems to be the woman in a household who holds all of this responsibility

Thank you.

[little smile]

My DH is a star. He's sent me to have some switch off time to read my new bookand is doing some character res and sorting the DC.

But I keep being asked about where what when who how. And I'm constantly unable to switch off, thinking about bus fares and clean uniforms and tag rugby club sand sleepovers and whether a delivery is cominh tomorrow.

Now weepy ffs.

LoveVintage Mon 03-Mar-14 20:17:56

YANBU and you are far from alone. On occasion I have quietly gone on strike to see how long it would take anyone to notice, but I can never keep it up long enough to find out!

Character res is chores. Ffs.

I think the fall out of not doing the stuff is worse that doing itiykwim, if the bus are./uniform isn't sorted tonight, there'll be a mass panic and perhaps failure of task in the morning.

Sparklingbrook Mon 03-Mar-14 20:22:27

YANBU. But I have a bit of a weird situation at the moment. DH is sorting out DS2's suitcase for a residential.
I went upstairs to check up on them see how it was going and got ejected from the bedroom.

I am beside myself with worry. Will they manage to sort it? <wibble>

Although I have been asked where about 20 things are so far.....

fiverabbits Mon 03-Mar-14 20:23:52

I had a Tesco delivery today and the man wanted to know who was in charge when I said I am, he said you was in charge last time. I said I was in charge all the time, he said I know because you are a woman. My grown up DC's and DH was there but I had to decide about the substitutions.

Springcleanish Mon 03-Mar-14 20:24:05

I so get it! The same here, and not doing it just makes it harder on me in the long run. Sometimes my brain aches with planning and organising. Grrrr...

I have no qualms about it being the female of the house doing the stuff as that's how we've decided to set up our life.

DH often lives away though work or if it's commutable, he's usually out the house for 16 plus hours, and my work is very flexible. So that's fine, and I happily accept this set up.

But atm it just feels draining and never ending.

I guess a bit more organisation would help, but that's me afain, isn't it?

Twilight23 Mon 03-Mar-14 20:24:18

I fully understand. Dh turns to me for details of all our movements. He is just as busy as me but rarely notes meetings/events in his diary. He does not even make a note of his siblings birthdays.

addictedtosugar Mon 03-Mar-14 20:25:01

There was an article in the times (sat or sun) a few weeks (months?) ago claiming women need an extra 20 mins of sleep a night to process all the extra organisation and thinking they do during the day.
It will be behind the fire wall, even if still available tho, so I haven't bothered looking.

I've tried explaining it to DH that I'm trying to juggle too many balls, and will he please take some off me (ie make him responsible for certain things. He took the lead on changing phone/ internet provider. We do now have a phone provider tho!)

He said we should have a takeaway tonight for ease, and he's just cone and asked what I want. I know it's lovely and courteous, but all I can think is another fecking decision!

I'm a ungrateful wretch.

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