To be shocked at some of the DHs portrayed in AIBU?

(83 Posts)
SnowBells Fri 28-Feb-14 19:42:10

I know, I know… some will say I'm in a freakin' cocoon where men are gents or the like.

But seriously? How do people put up with downright twats?!?!

angry

meditrina Fri 28-Feb-14 19:43:54

You're not on oath in AIBU

AlpacaLypse Fri 28-Feb-14 19:44:47

Sometimes it just creeps up on the OPs. They started out all lovely. What seemed like endearing masterfulness in a rather Mills and Boon sort of way only later develops into controlling bastardishness, etc etc.

ToughSpuds Fri 28-Feb-14 19:46:30

YANBU SnowBells

AlpacaLypse Fri 28-Feb-14 19:46:33

And of course things are sometimes <ahem> a bit embroidered to make a more controversial AIBU. Not full scale trolly lying, just over-egging the pudding a bit to garner more sympathy.

JohnFarleysRuskin Fri 28-Feb-14 19:47:33

Yabu - the men are far worse in 'relationships' section.

SnowBells Fri 28-Feb-14 19:48:15

I just get angry reading the posts…

… and I'm not even the one married to the twats!

phantomnamechanger Fri 28-Feb-14 19:48:59

you are not alone! MN has been a real eye opener.

It staggers me what some women put up with before they say enough is enough.
It staggers me that some cannot see the wrong in their relationships and that having a man at all costs is NOT a healthy attitude.
It saddens me how fearful some posters are when asking for advice on how to leave and get their kids to safety. And that many feel they have no one to talk to in RL.

Look at the Mick Philpotts of the world, the couples you see on jeremy Kyle. So many people settling for utter crap behaviour from their men. sad

SnowBells Fri 28-Feb-14 19:49:42

JohnFarleyRuskin

I'm not even gonna venture into the 'relationships' section. That would just do it for me, and I'll lose all hope for mankind (dramatic, yes).

Crowler Fri 28-Feb-14 19:50:46

Not many normal people would consider starting a thread about how wonderful their husbands are, though.

CrotchMaven Fri 28-Feb-14 19:52:49

phantom, what a bizarre way of looking at it.

Why does it not stagger you that these men act that way? Do you think that most men would act like that if only their women let them get away with it?

lemonmuffin Fri 28-Feb-14 19:54:12

you're only hearing one side of the story. And perhaps you're being fooled by that?

Quoteunquote Fri 28-Feb-14 19:54:43

Because when you are frazzled, worn down, have no experience of other ways of living, it don't occur to people they could make changes,

or people are frightened of change,

or overly optimistic that one day it will magically change,

or they can't be bothered to change,

life is surprisingly short, most people don't really grasp this,

Then they think it is too late.

TheRealAmandaClarke Fri 28-Feb-14 19:57:01

YAbu
And living in a cocoon grin
I'm more shocked that people are shocked tbh.
And I agree with crotchmaven

JohnFarleysRuskin Fri 28-Feb-14 19:58:44

It's not a bizarre way of looking at it. It's the women who post here and the women we respond to.

CrotchMaven Fri 28-Feb-14 20:08:10

But you only have to read the threads to know why women stay, especially when children are involved. Enough is written about how terrible it is that women put themselves through all of this stuff.

One day, there will be a serious national debate on just how shit a significant proportion of the male population are in terms of interpersonal relationships, but I fear it won't be in my lifetime.

SnowBells Fri 28-Feb-14 20:19:39

Well, I don't really watch Jeremy Kyle…

… and I doubt any of my friends would put up with this kind of behaviour (and I know that because I think quite a few of them are being way too spoilt by their DH to the point that they are so far removed from reality, they might as well live on the moon).

Nor the wives of my male colleagues it seems - who all agree it's the woman wearing the trousers in their relationships.

So I really am living in a cocoon… blush

ApocalypticBlackHorseman Fri 28-Feb-14 20:25:51

Perhaps because they think that nobody else would want them?

NewtRipley Fri 28-Feb-14 20:31:35

I know several women - clever, kind, independent women who put up with this shit. I consider it a matter of luck, to quite a large extent that I made the right choice of partner when I was young, because i could well have sen myself getting into a mess with some inferior partner in another life.

And I wholeheartedly agree with CrotchMaven. I have 2 DSs and am trying, with my lovely DH, to do my best to bring them up to be good partners.

Lazyjaney Fri 28-Feb-14 20:36:56

"You're not on oath in AIBU"

That. And This:

"I know several women - clever, kind, independent women who put up with this shit"

Some are true, some are one side only, some are plain loopy.

Golferman Fri 28-Feb-14 20:46:29

Awww, we are not all like that! I do all the shopping, all the cooking, my own ironing, more than half the cleaning, make her packed lunch every morning, give her several orgasms before I come, don't like blow jobs and love giving oral (sorry if TMI) so how perfect is that lol

phantomnamechanger Fri 28-Feb-14 20:58:24

hmm of course I lay the blame fully at the mens feet.

perhaps I should have worded it better "I am staggered at how much crap some women have been through/are subjected to by their selfish, bullying, lazy, abusive etc etc DHs"

phantomnamechanger Fri 28-Feb-14 21:00:03

golferman perfect as you sound, I'm sure even your wife finds something to moan about - do you leave the loo seat up or cut your toe nails in the lounge? grin

Golferman Fri 28-Feb-14 21:02:11

I can honest say I don't, although I am guilty of peeing a bit wildly lol

daisychain01 Fri 28-Feb-14 21:10:05

Having almost completed my first birthday on MN, it has been an eye opener to me.

I used to be seething and fuming on the AIBU OPs behalf whenever they describe what they had done to them by their OH, 'D'P, cock-lodgery-wanky-badgery-f-thefoff to the other side of fff etc, as you can tell, my MN vernacular has improved a lot in the past year and Im now bilingual.

What I have come to realise is that it isn't as simple as upping sticks and leaving, there are DCs involved, common housing (in a time of massive housing shortage) it just isn't that easy as LTBing, so people just put up with a whole pile more shite that they otherwise would.

And I am positive it isn't just men who are the arses - it's just we only read about the female of the species venting on AIBU!

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