to bath my children this infrequently?

(135 Posts)
terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:06:15

Dp has two children who are aged 6 and 7. Their mum has said we cannot have them in school holidays because when we have them (for one night at a time at present) we don't bath them. She says dsd is at a 'tender age' and at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning.

My children are 6 years and 20 months and they share a bath three times per week in winter, more in summer. Apart from the expense of water, I think every day is excessive as they just don't get that dirty in winter and see it as a waste of time to get up early to bath everyday. Aibu?

Vijac Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:12

You aren't being unreasonable. Lots of people bathe everyday aspart of a routine, usually bedtime and everyone enjoys it. However, it is not necessary and as other posters have said can dry skin out. I doubt they get that dirty and even if they do surely getting a bit grimy is part of childhood. You have to be super clean for the rest of your life. You should recommend she reads Roald Dahl the witches! Good bit about bathing every day in that!

moogalicious Fri 28-Feb-14 14:17:27

And it's a shared bath.

Procrastreation Fri 28-Feb-14 14:18:08

You know that she's the weirdo - but your DH has to step up - it's not your battle.

impty Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:28

I was bathed twice a week, as a child.Sunday night bath, Wednesday night bath. This was normal. I managed to make it to adult hood!

enjoy it now, when they are teenagers the will take 3 hour baths and 40 minute showers

harryhausen Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:37

My two 9 and 6 have a bath once a week and a shower each (with soap etc) after swimming.

My dd had a chronic psoriasis episode aged 6. She was about 90% completely covered. We saw countless Derm nurses and consultants. It was then we were told to only bath once a week and use emollient as a soap. They said even water on its own is drying.

After that, we've never gone back, and ds just does the same. Obviously if they're proper dirty (mud, sand etc) then it's different.

BeCool Fri 28-Feb-14 14:19:40

I used to bath them daily. Now they have 2-3 baths in week and one on the weekend.

JadedAngel Fri 28-Feb-14 14:20:14

Having a wash every day is a necessity. Luxuriating in a bath to do so is not.

My two get a shallow bath three times a week. Together. Flannel, warm water and soap in between times.

Except this week, when we've had no oil, so none of us have had a bath or a shower since Sunday. And guess what? We don't smell of anything other than soap shock. Boiling a kettle and washing in the kitchen sink is adequate, for a while, would you believe...

This isn't about the baths OP, as others have said. Perhaps there's some other things that need talking about. Good luck x

YoureBeingASillyBilly Fri 28-Feb-14 14:20:31

My mum used to bath us every morning. It was a very quick scrub, not a long soak and playing so it can be done very quickly. My nana bathed all 9 of her dcs every morning shock but then she also tied the second youngest onto a chair with her dressing gown belt to give her free hands to wash the baby so 2nd youngest stayed clean!

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:23:20

Both dsc have eczema which I would've thought is a reason to reduce bathing rather than increase it?

Sightoabloodyscream Fri 28-Feb-14 14:23:40

2 and 4. Bathed twice a week and given flannel wash after breakfast/tea. Very jealous of how small child hair never seems to gett greasy. Is it hormones in adults?

I seem to remember Sunday nights being bath nights, growing up ~(apart from hot days in the summer), but I could be wrong.

WooWooOwl Fri 28-Feb-14 14:24:19

If it's the difference between your husband getting overnight contact with his children or not, why can't you just give them a bath?

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:26:33

Sounds fine to me.

We do baths pretty much every evening. They all go in together but often in shift iyswim.

This is more than I would have expected before I had children, but it's just a habit we got into and I find small children's bottom wiping often leaves a bit to be desired, so a bath can be nice.

But it is NOT grotty to have 3 baths a week, that's plenty.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:28:50

He has overnight contact woo, this is being used to stop holiday contact. Before this contact was reduced because we took them swimming in winter when she'd told dp not to. Before that it was reduced because we took them ice skating and she was upset because she missed their first time at it. It's one thing after another. He's an equal parent and should be able to make his own decisions.

jamtoast12 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:30:09

I bath mine twice a week but they get showers most days (hair washed 3x week). Tbh my dd8 does need a bath everyday. She's not in puberty or anything but I do find she needs to have a good wash down below properly everyday and its easy enough to shower her.

harriet247 Fri 28-Feb-14 14:30:35

If he wanted to see them surely it wouldnt be so traumatic to promise to bath them every morning?
Mine have one everyday, part of the bedtime routine but just water and shampoo twice a week

MoominsYonisAreScary Fri 28-Feb-14 14:31:08

The younger 2 have baths daily because they wipe food in their hair, miss the toiket and dribble on themselves and because they like too.

19 year old also has one daily and 11 year old is every other day.

Goldmandra Fri 28-Feb-14 14:31:52

Both dsc have eczema which I would've thought is a reason to reduce bathing rather than increase it?

That depends on what irritates their skin.

My DDs reacted badly to their own bodily fluids and had to be bathed daily to remove sweat, saliva, urine, etc which, if left, would cause their eczema to flare up badly. Other children are better not washed too often because it dries out their skin.

Why not just ask how how often she would like them bathed and agree to do your best to incorporate it into your routine? You need to try to work together for the benefit of your DSCs and that means everyone compromising to some extent.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:32:36

Dsd has long hair so if she has a shower (where hair must be washed according to mum) she also has to have her hair blow dried before we can go out, so it is time consuming.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 28-Feb-14 14:34:08

If he wanted to see them surely it wouldnt be so traumatic to promise to bath them every morning?

The problem with giving in to unreasonable demands, is that you encourage further and even more unreasonable demands.

These children have a right to see their Dad and for their bathing schedule to be determined by him while they are there.

Her request is ridiculous - not only a bath every day, but the time of day and the number of people allowed in the bath.

She's not in controls when they're with their Dad and she needs to get used to that idea.

terrificallytremendous Fri 28-Feb-14 14:38:06

Thank you Join, that was precisely the point I was trying to make! The more he gives in to demands, the more unreasonable ones she makes so there has to be a point where he can make decisions without being dictated to.

Summerblaze Fri 28-Feb-14 14:39:38

Yep, 2 nights here with DC's 9, 6 and 1 on a regular basis.

If they have done something particularly dirty, been to a farm, swimming etc then they will have a quick one after that.

I am a germaphobe too but even I think that washing everyday is excessive.

Hey, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought.

ElenorRigby Fri 28-Feb-14 14:42:37

at home her 4 children have baths separately every single morning

A separate bath for 4 each morning???
What a load crap!

This about control not baths.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 28-Feb-14 14:43:56

YANBU but I think you know it's not about the bath (so DD must wash her hair if in the shower but not the bath - huh? Two 6 year old girls can't change together - huh? What does she think happens at school?)

Goldmandra Fri 28-Feb-14 14:44:56

*she also has to have her hair blow dried before we can go out*|

OK. Fair enough. She is being ridiculous so, unless not bathing makes your DSD's eczema flare up, your DH just needs to tell her he'll parent them appropriately and she needs to butt out.

Why does she think she can deny him overnight access beyond one night? Has he sent her a written proposal outlining dates when he'd like to have them? If not perhaps now is the time to do so.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Fri 28-Feb-14 14:47:12

Is contact mutually agreed or has there been a court order?

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