To think that a man isn't a child?

(51 Posts)
DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 17:31:59

When my DH and I moved in together, it never for a moment occurred to me to take over tasks that he was perfectly capable of. He needs ironed shirts for work, therefore he irons his own shirts. I cook meals, he cleans up after. When the DCs came along, I did the majority of the feeding, and I was at home for a few years, so I did more stuff around the house naturally, but even then, that did not give him a 'pass' on helping around the house, or being an equal parent when he was home. How does it happen that women, whether they work or stay home, completely take over a man's life?? I hear other mums complaining about the amount of ironing they do, and are utterly baffled when I tell them just to let their DPs sort out their own ironing...they seriously look at me like I've gone nuts! Am I being unreasonable to think that our DPs should be treated as grown adults with responsibility, instead of being taken care of?

Quoteunquote Thu 27-Feb-14 18:00:42

I am amazed when I read threads here that people are prepared to live their lives with people who don't muck in .

Why would you want to skive after an adult, it's just degrading.

I would never of lived with DH if he was the kind of person that expected someone else to compensate for his failings, and I doubt he would of been interested in me if I was playing the pathetic poor female me card.

I just wonder where all the suckers come from.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 18:01:21

We are a very logical household, now composed of 4 adults.
Very little sexist and entitled behaviour stands up to logical scrutiny, and if you have divergent talents then deciding which chores to take on is easier.
Yes, there are some bits that everyone hates, which is where a rota comes in. smile

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 27-Feb-14 18:04:29

Does it stem from mothers who do everything for their sons? So they then expect their wives to be the same?

I'm fully aware there are women who can't do anything themselves either.

DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 18:04:51

I do get that it might be based on how people are raised...my parents didn't really 'do' gender role stuff...if something needed to be done, one of them did it, regardless of the kind of job it was. My DH and I are the same. Because I work from home, I am more able to do house things, but we both do stuff that needs doing...I am very willing to clear gutters, take out trash and cut the lawn if that stuff needs to get done!
I'd much rather cut the lawn than iron! smile

DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 18:07:28

Yes...the mum doing everything for the sons runs strong in some of the women I know, as well as in DHs family, but I just can't get my head around it...no man in my family would ever sit around while their wives ran round doing everything for them!

Yanbu at all with your post!
But yabu in the fact neither of you need to own an iron, a quick tumble and decent fold up & put away and my my iron became redundant many years agogrin

DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 18:11:03

Ha! I wear my dryer out regularly...DH is just particular about creases!

I recently had to ask him where we kept the iron...it's been in the same place since we moved here 6 years ago! grin

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 18:11:38

'Does it stem from mothers who do everything for their sons?'

Maybe, combined with laziness and a tendency to wipe their boots on anything with Doormat written on it.
OH had been living alone as a student/impoverished academic for a decade before I lived with him. Taught him all those out of the nest survival skills.

I ironed DH shirt once very early on in our relationship.

He took it from me, said thank you for doing that for me but you don't need to.
And then went upstairs and re ironed it because he likes a crease or something in the sleeves.

He irons all his own clothes, plus the DCs school uniforms and my work clothes.
I clean the bathroom. I change the sheets.
I also fold the laundry because I like having piles of clean clothes smile
DH either cooks or washes up and does the ASC pick up, supervises DC homework and walks the dog at stupid I clock in the morning, me and ds1 walk the dogs in the evening.

The rest of the household stuff? Well, one of us does what ever needs doing whenever we are home. Isn't that what adults do- if you see that the Hoovering needs doing or a wash putting on or the kitchen cleaning you just do it?

captainmummy Thu 27-Feb-14 18:16:17

I remember a friend coming round with her son to play with ds1 (about 2 at the time) when DH came home from work. He took one sniff and whisked ds1 upstairs for a nappy change and friends mouth literally fell open. 'He's really going to change a nappy? My dp would puke! '

I was a bit hmm (i'd let him puke)

I've also got other friends who won't do 'womens work' and the wives just let them angry

Others find it odd that I dont make DHs packed lunch. If I were making my own, or the dcs, then one more wouldbe no problem, but I dont make any. He is perfectly capable of putting together his own lunch. Tbh once dd needs a packed lunch then it will probably fall to dh to do it as he is doing one already.

We dont iron, so if dh wants anything ironed he does ot himself.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 18:21:01

I've just remembered, years ago when DD and I were at a friend's house.
There was a sudden roar of outrage from the playhouse and there she was with her arms folded, yelling 'No! Irons are for Daddies' as friend's DD tried to get her to participate in domesticity. grin

AWUGAAWUGAlookoutitsaMAN Thu 27-Feb-14 18:21:02

My wife and I specialize by all sorts of tasks - primarily on the basis of ability, then time/opportunity, and we divvy up the rest equally.

Does anybody have any particular reason to believe this is inherently inferior to everybody doing a bit of everything? I can think of several reasons why it's a good idea.

Also, can anyone think of a reason why not doing ironing (of which you are perfectly capable) makes a man a giant baby if that same man cops it automatically for replacing bits of the car engine/dealing with a smelly problem with the drains/guttering/being obliged to go and deal with a burglar you can hear downstairs/endless tedious gardening/whatever else, without his wife being a womanchild? :P

georgesdino Thu 27-Feb-14 18:24:15

Never ironed for dh, never made him a packed lunch, only made him a sandwich a handful of times. Yeah Im the worlds worst wife and no I dont care.

whatsagoodusername Thu 27-Feb-14 18:25:01

I have on rare occasion ironed DH's shirts when he's been running late. I don't save him much time when I do it and he usually ends up finishing them off.

Last time, DS (3) told me off for using Daddy's iron. grin

Well personally I find the idea of man jobs and woman jobs ridiculous
What if for example a plug needed changing or the bin taking out or my car had a flat tyre? Would I wait until DH got home from work? Of course not, I would deal with it.

The same way when DH gets home before me, should he not take the washing out or Hoover or start dinner until I get home?

What if one person who did the woman/man job was sick? Who would do it then?

My friend won't do anything she considers a man job. She phoned me last winter to say that she had no heating and was my DH home? I said no, and told her to open the taps under the boiler to increase the pressure to see if that made the pilot light come on. She said oh no I can't do that, I'll wait for DH to get home. It was 1pm. Winter. And her DH wasn't coming home til 6. But she would rather sit in the cold than look at the boiler herself.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 18:27:10

No, I find womanchildren annoying too.
My dad was often posted overseas, and if my mother had waited for his return to put out the bins, change a lightbulb, sort out a leak or dig the vegetable patch then things would have got a bit silly.
As for not doing things ad hoc, OH doesn't notice if the kitchen is grubby, I tend to fix things with tape and staples instead of properly, DS doesn't care if the bathroom is clean or not and DD can't prioritise.
So according to talents and strengths and a rota for the rest works for us.

MrsBungle Thu 27-Feb-14 18:44:12

I don't get this 'mens' and 'womens' jobs either. I'm perfectly capable of obtaining a ladder, climbing up it and removing some leaves from a gutter. I can also tie a bin bag and walk it outside to the bin. Women-children are equally as annoying as man-children.

Thattimeofyearagain Thu 27-Feb-14 18:46:13

My boss is one of those women! She once confided in me (Xmas do, had a few wine) that she likes him being depend in her . I was shock

Thattimeofyearagain Thu 27-Feb-14 18:46:41

* dependant

DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 19:21:46

I am glad people brought up the womenchildren...I don't know how that happens, either, and my SIL is one of those...would rather sit in the dark than figure out how to change a lightbulb...it makes me sad. Certainly, there are jobs I don't like to do, but I am fully capable of doing most things.

LessMissAbs Thu 27-Feb-14 19:42:51

I can't be bothered to cook. We have no DCs so its not an issue. I eat a funny diet anyway. I can iron but DH does it much better than me, so I persuade him to do my stuff, which isn't that much. I hate this idea of "traditional man stuff". We both put out bins, I love hoovering and cutting the grass and DH sometimes helps. I like decorating, so does he.

I remember doing Home Economics at school (when girls had to do it and boys got to do Technical Drawing instead) and getting the worst grade possible and the comment "LessMissAbs has no interest in this subject whatsoever". I was very pleased with that. I always intended to go onto an academic career, eat M&S ready meals and get a man who didn't want me to look after him like a second mummy.

maillotjaune Thu 27-Feb-14 19:55:07

I've ironed for DH and he has ironed for me. Actually I iron very little whereas he has to iron shirts so I'm the main beneficiary. Other stuff shared on the whole.

I also know some women who moan about 'having' to do all the housework etc. but look at me like I'm crazy when I suggest they get their partners to pull their finger out. Just don't get it.

FraidyCat Thu 27-Feb-14 20:01:10

There are a fair number of men in the world who think it's a woman's job to do their ironing. There are at least as many women who think it's a man's job to pay for things.

Pointless sexist thread.

Bearbehind Thu 27-Feb-14 20:08:19

I don't agree with just doing your own portion of something, ie ironing your own stuff but not your husbands but definitely agree that both parties should contribute to the household tasks.

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