To think that a man isn't a child?

(51 Posts)
DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 17:31:59

When my DH and I moved in together, it never for a moment occurred to me to take over tasks that he was perfectly capable of. He needs ironed shirts for work, therefore he irons his own shirts. I cook meals, he cleans up after. When the DCs came along, I did the majority of the feeding, and I was at home for a few years, so I did more stuff around the house naturally, but even then, that did not give him a 'pass' on helping around the house, or being an equal parent when he was home. How does it happen that women, whether they work or stay home, completely take over a man's life?? I hear other mums complaining about the amount of ironing they do, and are utterly baffled when I tell them just to let their DPs sort out their own ironing...they seriously look at me like I've gone nuts! Am I being unreasonable to think that our DPs should be treated as grown adults with responsibility, instead of being taken care of?

MrsBungle Thu 27-Feb-14 17:34:21

I'm not sure how it happens, I've never ironed dh's clothes either! We share house-work although I do more as I'm home more.

Wolfiefan Thu 27-Feb-14 17:35:15

YANBU in the slightest. I cook for everyone but DH is perfectly capable of ironing a shirt etc. We have roles. I cook. He washes up. I do more with the kids during the day. He does most of bedtime routine. Holidays? I'm certainly not packing for him!
We are a family. He is a parent. He's not their sibling!!
Is it men or is it women who actually want to do it all?

Bowlersarm Thu 27-Feb-14 17:35:50

Maybe their part of the housework job share is the ironing. Maybe their partners do other chores.

CaptainHindsight Thu 27-Feb-14 17:37:01

I know the look you speak of. Its called jealousy grin

All those thinly veiled protests of hopelessness all wrapped up in a shiny bow of "Hes only a man"

<rolls eyes>

How do women respect these men? Or even find them remotely attractive?

Nothing unsexier than a lazy man-child.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 17:38:08

No, YANBU.
There are a few of us around, and thankfully some of us are raising our children with the same attitude. I married an adult with a reasonable skill set.
We could be the Anti-Stepford Wives Club.

susiegrapevine Thu 27-Feb-14 17:38:11

yanbu this baffles me too! dh has always done his own ironing except on occasion when he has done something for me - usually child care related which meant he was running out if time to do his shirt so I did it for him. still shared equally smile smile

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 17:39:50

'Maybe their part of the housework job share is the ironing. Maybe their partners do other chores.'

That's how we sorted it Bowlers, OH irons, I cook.
According to preferences and talents, but it doesn't mean that we are either mentally or physically incapable of managing without the other.

EurotrashGirl Thu 27-Feb-14 17:39:50

Women in my family don't do ironing. grin

CaptainHindsight Thu 27-Feb-14 17:41:13

Ironing? What is this phenomenon you speak off?

The only thing I iron is my hair.

The dryer sorts the rest.

Famzilla Thu 27-Feb-14 17:43:50

I used to be one of those women.

Truth is, due to an abusive upbringing I was incredibly insecure and had no concept of what a normal, mutually-respectful relationship was like. Whenever I got into a relationship I would try my hardest to do everything for the other person, trying to make them "need" me. Trying to be the perfect girlfriend. If I was indispensable then they wouldn't leave me right?

I'm not that person anymore, but I always feel a pang of understanding sadness when I meet women who act this way.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 27-Feb-14 17:44:00

Yanbu.

I think I've ironed dh's shirts once, and only probably because I was doing some ironing at the same time. I rarely iron, if he wants a shirt ironing he does it.

We parent as a team. When we're both at home we both parent DS. One of us will do bath and bed and one of us will cook.

I would never ever marry a man who wouldn't change a nappy, cook or clear up. I don't need two kids.

A couple should be a team, not a wife and a man child.

grimbletart Thu 27-Feb-14 17:45:09

We have always shared according to what we hate most (hopefully you can hate different things) and who has the most time. When we first married we both had similar time. When the DCs came along I had more. When I returned to work full time we were both the same again. Then he retired and I worked and he had more time. So it went….

I would say one thing though. It's a common complaint about DPs not doing their share of household chores and expecting their shirts ironed. Not on. But also not on is the female partner expecting her other half to always take the bins out, maintain the car/change the wheel or put up shelves [smiles]

magimedi Thu 27-Feb-14 17:45:52

YANBU

I could never love, let alone marry a man that was not capable of (and did) domestic tasks.

And any one who says it's a generation 'thing' really pisses me off. My DH is late 60's & can cook, clean, sew, iron etc etc. He's always done it & I don't think we've ever argued over domestic work in nearly 30 years of marriage.

I will admit that he does most of (such) ironing as needs doing as he enjoys it - strange, I know!

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Thu 27-Feb-14 17:46:20

The best one is when a man does, say, look after his own flesh and blood for an evening then other women tell you how good he is. confused

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 27-Feb-14 17:46:25

I do all the ironing. For the whole family, including my husband.
I dont know where the on button is on the vaccum cleaner and i havent cleaned the bathrooms in about 8 years
so <shrug> I cant get wound up about doing something that is not directly related to my own possessions. I figure it all works out to a fair split, and thats what matters, right? Not any one task?

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob Thu 27-Feb-14 17:47:41

My dad's in his sixties and does most of the housework and cooking as mum isn't well. When we were kids she did most of it as she worked from home. It is not a generational thing at all.

WooWooOwl Thu 27-Feb-14 17:47:55

You could just as easily turn this around and ask why grown women don't bother to work and support themselves financially as soon as they have children?

Life within a marriage is a team effort, what difference does it make to anyone else if some couples decide that one person will do the domestic stuff and one person will earn the money?

Both are things that need to be done.

CaptainHindsight Thu 27-Feb-14 17:48:12

grimbletart My lovely Dad would not let me leave home until I could wire a plug, change a tyre, build flat pack furniture and negotiate a tough sale.

I bloody love my Dad.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 27-Feb-14 17:50:30

DH can sew better than me. Sewing just gives me the rage. The tool box is mine from I lived on my own. grin

If I met a man who said they would never change a nappy, it would put me off. It's not attractive.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 27-Feb-14 17:52:52

Woowooowl I think the difference is what's agreed within a marriage and both parties are happy with and a man who expects the woman to do it as it's her job, because he thinks a wife is there to run around after him.

Troglodad Thu 27-Feb-14 17:53:13

I don't know how it happens, either. It's certainly not something I've ever asked for or wanted, but I've had to squish it a number of times - especially ironing which as a man who learnt quite young how to iron a uniform and did it lots, I find civvy "don't-worry-I'll-do-all-the-ironing" type ladies can't do very well - the one exception being the matriarch of my family who has now sadly passed away but was obviously beyond reproach in all things.

I hate to say it, but as someone who dislikes it I think sometimes when women take over and barge men out of such stuff, it's enforcing a domain, sometimes even taking power/independence from a man in a small way. I feel guilty for saying "no, I'll look like a sack of spuds" - and truth be told have crept off with my "ironed" shirt before to iron it again. Properly. smile

DescribeTheRuckus Thu 27-Feb-14 17:55:38

I am so happy to have found you all!!! I was really feeling in the minority, honestly.
WooWooOwl I do that as well...I worked full time and saved up for when we had kids, then went back to full time (and am still in) uni so that my job prospects and earning potential are better (and so that I could support myself and DCs if necessary). Some of the women I talk to are doing exactly the same...working full time AND doing EVERYTHING for their men and children!

Love the idea of the Anti Stepford wives club!! grin

Kendodd Thu 27-Feb-14 17:55:52

I tried to iron one of DH's shirts once (I don't do ironing) he said he'll do them himself in future, I think it's because I'm rubbish at ironing and he didn't want his shirts ruined.

WooWooOwl Thu 27-Feb-14 17:57:15

I think my DH is there to do certain things though, because he is a husband and is far more capable of doing traditional man things than I am.

Like clearing the guttering and fixing stuff and taking out the rubbish.

I would be pissed off at being called a child just because of those things because oddly enough, I bring plenty of other stuff to the table, as I'm sure most men whose wives do their ironing do as well.

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