DH has been keeping tabs on my mumsnet posts !

(63 Posts)
Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 08:18:50

Name changed for obvious reasons... he read some not so nice things about himself .. Ha !

I feel a like he's invaded my privacy. I've never shared my nickname with him so he must have sneaked around a bit to find it out.

He says it's a public forum so I shouldn't mind...

TamerB Thu 27-Feb-14 16:20:11

Nothing hypocritical about it at all, LazyJane. You need trust-he wouldn't do it. There is nothing I post that he couldn't read, I just wouldn't want him to-I don't admit being on MN to anyone at all.

MollyHooper Thu 27-Feb-14 15:04:22

Well, that's not good.

Maybe this would be a good excuse for you guys to sit down and have a good long chat about your relationship?

He can't ignore the fact that he was snooping and you need to know what exactly he was hoping to find.

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 14:51:27

In a funny way .. it surprises me to know he cared enough to look... he gives the impression he's just not very interested in me at all !

MollyHooper Thu 27-Feb-14 14:35:09

DH knows my NN and would never snoop through my posts, he posts here too and I have never searched his. That's just odd.

The fact that he went to the trouble to work out your NN then read through your posts makes him look like a freaky asshole.

Was he looking for an argument, hoping he would find dirt you posted about him so he could start shit?

My ex used to/maybe still does read mine

Hi saddo grin

Lazyjaney Thu 27-Feb-14 14:16:53

I'd bet all those on here saying it's an invasion of privacy would go ballistic if they found their partners were splashing parts of their private lives on Internet forums.

Hypocrites all.

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 12:33:35

It's ironic that I am always telling the Dc. if you are not willing to put your thoughts on a giant billboard on the way into town, then don't post them online. I've just learnt how true that is !

Dh and I have talked and it has brought things to a head. His snooping kind of forced my hand but we were going to have to face things at some point.

Even though MN is as public as it gets.. I still felt i had a right to a bit of privacy though ! confused

Golferman Thu 27-Feb-14 11:31:28

Good grief, whatever next, women snooping on their partner's phones/emails/FB? Oh hang on.........

wannaBe Thu 27-Feb-14 11:24:50

"it would be like reading someone's diary..." what rubbish. this notion that mn is anonymous and therefore someone's private space has always baffled me. It is a public forum. yes it is a place where you create a username, but the longer you post there the more information you are likely to post about yourself that makes you identifyable to anyone you might be posting about. Maybe not even now, maybe in two, five, ten years time when someone stumbles across it and recognises you, or themselves in your postings.

And what we also seem to lose sight of is that when someone posts about their situation online it is rarely a balanced view. so if someone is aware that you are posting about them I'm not sure it's unreasonable to want to know what they've been posting to see just how realistic it is or whether the post has been deliberately made to look as if the op is the only injured party iyswim.

I think there's a difference between discovering someone's posts about you though and then going on to read them, which tbh I don't actually think is unreasonable, nor do I think anyone would stop themselves from doing, and snooping to find someone's username and then go looking.

But it is fairly simple, if you don't want people to read about your private business then don't post it on public websites.

And if you want a diary set up a blog.

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 11:24:07

TBH i am not that easy to live with sometimes and i wish my husband did post somewhere to get it off his chest he seethes and we argue when it gets to a point, not saying he is perfect by any means

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 11:22:57

Birchwod that must be so difficult for you and him has he reacted very badly how are you going to sort it do you know?

wishingchair Thu 27-Feb-14 11:19:41

I totally agree with you Birchwood ... it is great to be anonymous and get opinions on something you might not want to discuss in real life.

All I'm saying is, I'd want to know what my DH had posted about me, knowing full well I might not like it and I could be opening a can of worms. Curiosity killed the cat as they say ...

Birchwood Thu 27-Feb-14 11:14:02

The trouble with Dh snooping was what he saw.

I stated in a post that if things didn't improve I'd want to leave him.. It was only a private thought in the heat of an angry moment but he's taken it as a real indication of my intentions. Things weren't going that well but this has taken it to a whole new level before I'd had a chance to privately with help from you lot work through what i was feeling.

Sometimes we need to vent and MN is a great place to anonymously get empathy and support and test out our feelings without making it real.

tryingreallytrying Thu 27-Feb-14 10:53:04

Huge invasion of privacy. I'd be livid if dh did that. I tell him about lots/most of what I post if he'd be interested (he wouldn't be mostly) but snooping no - it would be like reading someone's diary...

MissHobart Thu 27-Feb-14 10:48:25

My OH knows I go on MN as I seem to have a small addiction! grin

The laptop has a bookmark and I'm always logged in but I'm sure he wouldn't snoop, I don't say anything that interesting! hmm I've told him it's a place I can talk to other people going through the same stuff as me (ttc) who understand add I'm really sure he didn't want to hear me go on and on about ovulation and mucus!

But I would be miffed if he did snoop! confused

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 10:48:07

and while I am on it just chatting to strangers can be theraputic and make your day that bit better,

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 10:47:11

actually talking to a bunch of unqualified strangers can do better at the time than going to some professional that you might find it difficult to open up to,

kotinka Thu 27-Feb-14 10:44:59

kid, often, opening up to just anyone is a first step.

KidLorneRoll Thu 27-Feb-14 10:43:07

Fairly obviously, there is a difference between talking to a bunch of unqualified strangers publicly on the internet and seeking help from actual, trained professionals who abide by ethical codes and operate with a degree of confidentiality.

kotinka Thu 27-Feb-14 10:42:58

maybe HQ could do a clever thing where our own nickname is starred out on posts we make and the login areas, as an option. Like a privacy mode?

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 10:42:25

I have just realised what STBXH it has been baffiling me for months, sorry to go off post but it has been annoying me what it meant, sorry your soon to be ex husband was such a twat fairy

fosterg Thu 27-Feb-14 10:41:01

Well, at the bottom of each page there is a box for adding a message.
This clearly shows one's nickname. I've always thought that strange and anyone else who uses the same computer can see it. I think it only happens when you've logged in.

echt Thu 27-Feb-14 10:37:59

Astonished at the suggestion that if you can't say it in RL the you shouldn't say it here.

tell that to gaslighted women
the financially abused women
the women who post who walk on eggshells with their abusive OHs

Perhaps the ones who post such suggestions should add their real names and addresses with their posts.

Thought not. hmm

Not so clever now, eh?

Fairy1303 Thu 27-Feb-14 10:34:56

STBXH stalked me on MN because he saw that I'd read a thread entitled 'wracked with guilt over delivery man'

He was so paranoid he thought I'd posted it after having sex with the delivery man.

Fucking twat.

mrsjay Thu 27-Feb-14 10:28:07

OH is that what it means Mumsnet really isn't an activist site is it,

kid if a woman is being abused by her husband or just needing a moan she cant say these things to her husband to say well they should say to the person is a wee bit short sighted imo

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