to not wake up to let DH in

(53 Posts)
megamuffin Wed 26-Feb-14 23:24:17

Have name changed as I'm sure he snoops on here and this will certainly out me.

DH has gone on a works day out today. Just before he left at 7 this morning, he woke me and 8 month old ds (we were co sleeping) to ask where the spare key was as he didn't know what time he would be back and he wanted to let himself in. I had no idea so he left without it.

I just texted him asking if he knew when he would be home and he rang back with this reply:

"Some people are leaving at half 11 so IF I get a lift with them I'll be home for half 12 ish. If not then I dont know"

Was I unreasonable to say if he didn't get a lift with the half 11 people then he wouldn't be getting into this house as I will be asleep?! His reply to that was "fine! I'll sleep at someones then come home at half 6 in the morning to get ready for work!". Again, was I unreasonable to say no, I'll be asleep then too!? Should I get up for him? The works day out finished hours ago, they're now just out on the piss.

Suicidal5833 Thu 27-Feb-14 05:40:56

I would just put the key somewhere.

ItsBritneyBitch Thu 27-Feb-14 07:03:26

I hope you let him in at least to ready for work.

Have you never left your key before? Jheez sad

Euphemia Thu 27-Feb-14 07:19:09

There must be more to this.

Jaynebxl Thu 27-Feb-14 07:30:04

Is this a regular occurrence? If not then maybe just accept he is allowed to have the odd night out, as are you, and it needn't be the end of the world if he needs a key leaving. If it is a regular thing then that's a whole other matter that you need to discuss with him if you're not happy.

Morloth Thu 27-Feb-14 07:36:16

Context is everything.

If he has form for this my answer is YANBU.

If he doesn't then YABU.

Mycatistoosexy Thu 27-Feb-14 07:38:39

I'd be a bit worried leaving a key out when I'm home alone with young DC. Maybe I've lived in too rough areas.

TeaOneSugar Thu 27-Feb-14 07:45:02

I'd have hidden the key outside for him, don't see the need for all the drama tbh.

bleedingheart Thu 27-Feb-14 07:46:01

6:30 isn't that early and I say that as someone who hasn't had a full nights sleep for six years.

A bit of compromise now and then. Imagine you lose your key in the next week or so and he has to come home from work to let you in...

Don't burn bridges over little things. Unless he does this regularly, then I understand the hostility radiating from your post.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 07:47:27

Surely the point is that the OP is ok to get up and let him in at 1130 but not at 0030? And since the DH has the option to get home at 1130, this seems pretty fair.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 07:50:30

Actually, my mistake - he will be home at 0030 if he gets a lift at 1130, otherwise he has no idea when he'll be back.

OP is prepared to let him in at 0030 but not later.

They are out drinking so I assume that the DH could have got a taxi or something.

whattoWHO Thu 27-Feb-14 07:56:12

There may be a back story to this.
But personally, I'd wait up for my DH. And he'd wait up for me in the same circumstances.

KiwiBanana Thu 27-Feb-14 08:01:23

I'd be a bit miffed if my DP had that attitude towards me tbh. Is he being a bit of a dick and you're feeling resentful towards him? I can kind of understand if that is the case but otherwise I would try and find his key and leave it hidden outside for him. It's annoying but it's just one of them things.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 27-Feb-14 08:03:06

Ffs just leave the key under the Mat or you should have found the spare key. What spiteful replies you sent him. Yabu and very childish.

notso Thu 27-Feb-14 08:10:23

YABU I do this for DH quite often and I'd expect him to do the same for me.

I can see why you are annoyed, your tired, you have a baby, maybe you would like to be the one going out. DH did this once when DC4 was three weeks old, he had told me he would be in at midnight he got in at four. I was pissed off at the time but it was no big deal once I got up in the morning.

WooWooOwl Thu 27-Feb-14 08:12:18

I think you're being quite horrible. I can understand you not wanting to be woken in the middle of the night, so saying that if he's not in by half midnight then he should stay elsewhere is reasonable, but to say that you won't get up at 6.30 as well is just taking it to the extreme.

6.30 is a perfectly reasonable time to be awake.

I agree that if he's not back by 12.30am you should tell him to sleep elsewhere, but YABVU not to get up and let him in to get ready for work. 6.30am really isn't that early.

peggyundercrackers Thu 27-Feb-14 08:15:47

If you don't get up don't be mad if he breaks a window or kicks the door in to get back in his house... Loosing keys happens, it's called life!

Cluffyflump Thu 27-Feb-14 08:17:30

Why does he snoop?

SayraT Thu 27-Feb-14 08:24:45

Where I live I would just leave the door unlocked but if you don't live in such a quiet place then maybe that isn't safe.

If it was the other way round and you had lost your key you would want your DH to open the door for you!

megamuffin Thu 27-Feb-14 08:25:31

Update - I got up to let him in just before 1am which I didn't mind because that's when he said he would be returning. Although I got the rage when he continually rang the door bell until I answered the door but thats another AIBU.

Sleep is precious to me atm with a non sleeping ds. Every night he wakes up pretty much every 60-90mins from 8.30pm (ds bedtime) which is killing me but dh doesn't help as he says he has to work 8-5 every day.

Of course he can go out whenever he wants as he has done since ds was born. In 8 months hes had numerous nights out, meals out, cinema trips and two 1week holidays with friends. I'm breastfeeding a bottle refuser so have stayed home. I dont want to sound like a controlling wife because im not.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 08:26:30

If you knew you didn't have your key when you went out, would you make an effort to get back as early as possible, Sayra?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 27-Feb-14 08:28:13

He doesn't do anything to help with the baby when he's home because he works "8am-5pm"?

He's been away twice for a week without you?

Sigh.

SayraT Thu 27-Feb-14 08:38:24

Doctrine no because my OH would either leave the door unlocked or get up to let me in....but in the last reply from the OP it is clear that her DH isn't being very helpful around the house or with the baby and has had many nights out which makes it different.

If my OH was like that I'd leave him outside too. Glad he came home at a reasonable time OP and your DH has a shit excuse for not helping with your baby.

bleedingheart Thu 27-Feb-14 08:46:05

The full story totally explains your annoyance. He has a cushy number there!

Working 8-5 does not justify that level of laziness and selfishness.

If you were a controlling wife he wouldn't be living the life of Riley while you sink into the drudgery of sleep deprivation.

KiwiBanana Thu 27-Feb-14 08:50:25

I thought it might be something like that. In that case yanbu for feeling so resentful, I also would have reacted the same.

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