Depressed about baby name regret - to late to change it at 4 months old?

(58 Posts)
Londonmummy123 Wed 26-Feb-14 16:43:03

Hello, I have a gorgeous baby boy who is nearly 4 months old and I spend most of my time obsessing about the name and feeling that we did not get it right. I feel quite depressed a lot of the time and find myself crying a lot, and wish we had called him something else instead. Some days I feel a bit better about it, having tried very hard to convince myself that it is ok and that I can move on, but eventually the feelings always come back and I find myself feeling down about it again.

My family believe it is just about the baby blues and that I should try and get more rest and see a doctor that I will start to feel better. But I cannot help but feel that it is the name that is making me feel like this. There is another name that I wish we had chosen, but we did not pick that at the time for a reason which I now realise is not important. The name that we did chose after he was born was never one that I loved but I couldn't think of anything better. The older my baby gets the worse it becomes as he is becoming more and more beautiful and he deserves to have a name that mummy loves. He has a very traditional name (which is what we wanted) so nothing unusual, but it just doesn't seem to fit him.

I am very lucky to have a supportive husband who is happy to change the name if I want, but I am worried about the reaction of others. On the other hand I do not want to feel like this forever and regret not taking action before it is too late.
I am seeing a doctor tomorrow as I I think I may have pnd, and don't want to make a rash decision.

I wondered if anyone else had experienced this, and if they had chnaged their babies name? Xx

BrennanHasAMangina Wed 26-Feb-14 16:49:46

Oh Dear. Sounds like you're in a muddle flowers. PND can really affect your perception of things (and so can lack of sleep). I'd wait until you get that sorted and then have a think about whether you really do regret it or not. Most babies take a bit of time to grow into their names, especially if you've chosen one that's super traditional. Is there a shorter version or a nickname you can use? I think some names feel a bit clunky at first and you have to get used to saying them too.

Presumably you chose the name for a reason? Is he named after anyone special or are their people that you admire that share his name? Try to remind yourself of those things before writing the name off.

JollyGolightly Wed 26-Feb-14 16:50:09

I haven't experienced this but feel you should just do it.

BarbarianMum Wed 26-Feb-14 16:50:11

My step brother's son had his name changed at 8 months. I can't even remember what the old name was now (he's 6) so yes,its perfectly doable.

Having said that, please do see the doctor because you do seem depressed and they can help.

midnightagents Wed 26-Feb-14 16:55:26

Hi Londonsmummy just to let you know you are not alone. I had a really wierd feeling that i should have called my daughter something else, it was a particularly strong feeling when i was sleep deprived in the middle of the night. Thankfully for me it passed, but it was never as strong or life effecting as yours seems to be. I think its best to get it sorted sooner rather than later if it is that much of a big deal to you.

3.5 years on the biggest regret i have is my dds middle name, which i will leave it up to her if she wants to remove when she gets old enough to choose. So thats another posssible option.

Leonas Wed 26-Feb-14 16:56:23

I have an 11 week old and I can't get used to her name. I love the name and it was really me who chose it but I just think it sounds odd when I say it or see it written down. I am forcing myself to use it more as I tend to use pet names when I am talking to her to get me used to it which seems to be working.
As the other posts say, talk to the doctor first but if you really can't live with it there is no harm in changing it. I hope you feel better soon

JabberJabberJay Wed 26-Feb-14 17:04:09

I think you can change a child's name with minimal hassle until they are a year old. Sometimes people change their minds!

If you think he should be called something else and your partner is supportive then I would do it. Honestly. People may raise their eyebrows at first but they'll get over it. I have a friend who was Charlotte for the first 2 months of her life. She's now Victoria.

BumpyGrindy Wed 26-Feb-14 17:12:31

Change it. My friend did when she realised her son's name was the same as a relative she didn't like! she'd not connected the dots when she chose and as the pregnancy fog lifted, she thought "I can't call him this!"

He was months old when she did it! It's fine!

maniacbug Wed 26-Feb-14 17:17:45

Sorry to hear you're down about this, OP. We name-changed for our youngest at 4 months, because I was feeling pretty much the same as you. I still love the old name - it's now his middle name - but it just never felt right. I agonised over it for the entire 4 months, mainly because I was worried about regretting the decision (DH didn't mind either way, just didn't feel we should wait too long before deciding), but as soon as we'd done it I felt instantly happier. I found a baby toy with the old name on it the other day, and it was very odd to think that we'd ever imagined a future for him with that name! DS1 and DD took a few months to get used to it, but friends and family were all very supportive (though I suspect my mum was a bit hmm in private). We hardly told anyone until after we'd decided, which made it harder to question. I kept the responses to our name change email, and given that you mention other people's reactions in your post I thought you might like to see one of my favourites, in case it helps:

I don't think you are bonkers at all. It is a long time to be calling a child the wrong name. I do think the most important thing is that he is gorgeous!!

Have you tried calling him the other name for a day or two? Might feel a bit silly at first, but we did this and that helped me to decide.
Good luck with whatever you do decide. I hope you are feeling better soon and able to enjoy your gorgeous little boy, whatever his name is!

I think it's two separate things - one, you may very well have pnd, since you are depressed, crying a lot, and feeling you are letting your baby down because of the choices you've made. Do see the gp and see what they can suggest to help with that.

Two, well you may or may not have picked a name that doesn't suit your baby now you're getting to know him. You can change it quite easily if you still feel this way once your feelings are more settled. As others have said, the pnd may be magnifying this feeling up so it feels much more of a problem than it would otherwise. There's no need to rush to change it yet.

I'm sure your family and friends will understand if you say now you've got to know him, the name just isn't right for him.

coco44 Wed 26-Feb-14 17:25:38

Just start calling him the name you like and see how it feels.

Christmascandles Wed 26-Feb-14 17:32:12

Yes I think you should do as some of the others have suggested, call him by the new name and see how it feels. If it feels ok, then change it. I changed my dd1 name at about two. In this as the classic as I'd thought sounding name I'd chosen was actually just old fashioned and I just went off it. It's now her middle name.

Hope you're soon feeling better thanks

eeetheygrowupsofast Wed 26-Feb-14 17:37:09

I agree there seem to be two separate issues though of course they
could be interrelated to be a point.

The name - totally legitimate and I'm sure very common to change/want to change a name for a myriad of reasons. I wouldn't think it odd if a friend did this, it would be a talking point but that's all.

PND - yes do get it treated. Sorry you are feeling down. I think the depression is likely making your obsessive thoughts about the name worse.

Bugabooed Wed 26-Feb-14 17:39:46

Like maniacbug, we changed the name of one of our DC at 4 months. I too obsessed during the first few months that we had chosen the wrong name and by 4 months it was eating me up completely. Once we made the decision to change it, I felt much better about things.

The name change was an incredibly easy process and I was actually very pleasantly surprised by the reaction of friends and family - the vast majority didn't bat an eyelid, and it was a lot less stressful that I imagined it would be.

Good luck with your decision and I hope things go well at the doctors tomorrow.

LCHammer Wed 26-Feb-14 17:43:51

Please first check out the low mood for PND. Then change your DS's name. There are relative few things we can 'fix' so easily in life, why not just do it and not live with the regret. Best wishes.

halfwildlingwoman Wed 26-Feb-14 17:48:14

You can change it! That said, I had mild PND with my first and kept having the odd feeling that his name wasn't his name. That did pass after about 8 weeks. (around the time he started sleeping for longer than an hour at a time) It was his name, but I felt odd and dislocated. I therefore had two names for my DD and waited until she was a few days old to be sure which one fitted her.
It's going to get better. Hugs.

HavantGuard Wed 26-Feb-14 17:54:07

I agree that you could be suffering with PND and also be unhappy with his name. There is plenty of time to change it if you feel you want to. Maybe try some other names out on him for a month or so and see how you feel then.

curiousuze Wed 26-Feb-14 18:01:11

Oh definitely change it! Someone just did this on another forum I read, and their baby was 10 months I think. You could still have PND though, so maybe speak to the GP as you are resting a lot on this name change fixing everything.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Wed 26-Feb-14 18:06:29

I was Jacqueline until I was 5 months old. With my surname I would not have been able to spell my name until I was 14!
Change it definitely.

waterrat Wed 26-Feb-14 18:06:32

I have two friends who changed their babies names - it's really not a big deal - life is long and your baby is tiny.

Separately - your feelings about it are extreme and crying is not normal. It sounds like you need proper support - so do see that as something separate.

Blueskiesandcherrypies Wed 26-Feb-14 18:09:25

Op, life really is too short and too precious to feel down about something that can relatively easily be fixed. Change his name, let your nearest and dearest know and give them a chance to get used to it, and before you know it he will naturally be called by his new name that he so deserves.

Please don't suffer like this as your little boy deserves a happy mummy, and you too deserve to be happy. Why don't you draw a line right away and make the decision with your oh to start calling him by his new name straight away and really stick to it.

Best of luck.

LimitedEditionLady Wed 26-Feb-14 18:21:22

Can i ask OP,what makes you feel you cant change it?Is it other people?What is making you anxious about it?
I cannot see any harm in it x

NewtRipley Wed 26-Feb-14 18:28:15

I think in this circumstance I'd do as someone upthread suggested and start using the new name, see how you feel and then change it if needs be.

Changing a baby's name may feel too big at the moment but in the grand scheme of things it is piffling.

If the feelings of PND persist, do get help. It seems to me that the PND may be making it seem too difficult to change the name, rather than causing you to obsess on the name IYSWIM.

Only you can really answer that

NewtRipley Wed 26-Feb-14 18:30:17

The only thing I can liken it to is this: Trying and failing to breastfeed made me very down. Once I let go and stopped trying I felt better, even though I worried about what other people would think.

unobtanium Wed 26-Feb-14 18:59:26

I had my name changed at about three months. No issue at all. If after talking to your gp you still feel the same, go ahead.

Don't worry about anything else -- what people might say, could last a week or so... the name will be for keeps

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