To have asked this lady if she'd like to join us for a coffee?

(146 Posts)
endlesstidying Tue 25-Feb-14 21:04:39

Genuinely not sure here. Maybe it was too much too soon, maybe she was just very shy?

DD's school is just next to a park which has a lovely cafe. As it was a nice day, a group of us took our children there after school (all year 3 so 7 and 8 year olds in school uniform if it matters). While we were there one of DD's friends saw a girl who'd just spent the day at the school with them on some kind of induction day as she's starting there at the start of next term. The girl was immediately dragged off to play with dd and friends - all in sight of the cafe leaving her mum alone.

After a brief discussion with other mums I went over and asked new girls mum if she'd like to come and join us for a coffee while the girls playe. She said "no thanks, I'm not a charity case" and stormed off to sit by herself on a bench.

What on earth was that about? We were only trying to be friendly. I've been lucky so far that DD has not needed to change school and that the parents in her year group are generally very friendly so maybe I missed something?

So AIBU to have asked?

whois Tue 25-Feb-14 21:05:52

No you were totally not being U!

Other mother is strange and is stay well clear of her in future.

AlpacaYourThings Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:06

I think it was a lovely gesture.

Think she was having a bad day or was feeling embarrassed about being alone... confused

tassisssss Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:24

Flip what an odd reaction.

I think you're lovely to have asked. I would have done the same. I would been ETERNALLY grateful if I'd been her and you'd asked me to join you (funny how we show "love" in the way we wanna receive it isn't it?).

You're NBU.

She sounds like she might be struggling, hope she's OK. If I was her I'd be delighted my dd had such lovely including new friends.

Cranky01 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:25

It was a really nice of you to ask her. Yanbu she was

Judyandherdreamofhorses Tue 25-Feb-14 21:07:57

Maybe the 'brief discussion with the other mums' was not as discreet as you'd have hoped?

PrincessScrumpy Tue 25-Feb-14 21:08:17

Hmmmm wonder what happened at the previous school? Yanbu

Hassled Tue 25-Feb-14 21:08:18

I'd have bitten your arm off in gratitude. And I bet the mother will regret her behaviour - I bet it was the embarrassment talking.

TSSDNCOP Tue 25-Feb-14 21:09:29

Throwing her a small bone, is there any chance she may have heard the discussion part? Was there anything at all in that which could be interpreted by her as a slight?

If no, I conclude she's a bit odd and would leave her to her own devices.

Bunbaker Tue 25-Feb-14 21:09:29

Goodness. If I had been her I would have been pathetically grateful at the friendly gesture. You sound lovely.

puntasticusername Tue 25-Feb-14 21:09:52

You were not at all unreasonable to ask. She sounds perhaps a little shy and nervous?

Personally, I'd give it a while and then ask her again. Maybe sometime when you're on you're own - it's possible she felt intimidated by the idea of joining a whole group of people who already know each other.

Wow shock at her reaction. As someone who has switched their DCs schools, I would have fallen at your feet in gratitude at being made so welcome. She has a chip on her shoulder about something clearly. OP you are lovely

endlesstidying Tue 25-Feb-14 21:11:29

Don't think it was that Judy the discussion was

Mum a : shall we ask her mum to join us
Other mums variously along the lines of: yes let be nice to get to know her
Mum b: Endless you're nearest the door you go

So I went. Don't think she heard it anyway as we were some distance from her inside the building but overlooking the girls IYSWIM. She was outside

AlpacaYourThings Tue 25-Feb-14 21:11:31

Just thinking, was there any "Ooh look at X's mum on her own" "Ooh yeah, shall we invite her over?" That she could have heard?

Crikey, nowt so strange as folk.
I'd give her another chance if the situation arises though, she might have a lot going on in her life. Or not, but I'd give the benefit of the doubt.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:00

You were not being unreasonable but I agree with Judy (cracking name!)

I reckon she heard you.

Euphemia Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:07

I agree that the "discussion" might have put her off. What was there to discuss? You could just have asked her over off your own bat.

SirChenjin Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:24

What did you say in your 'brief discussion' and was there any chance she might have heard? Need to know before I can say Yanbu/yabu

AlpacaYourThings Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:25

X-posted.

Right, I don't get it. My vote goes to her being shy though.

KittyAndTheFontanelles Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:41

oops sorry. too slow

PurpleAlert Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:45

Sorry but that is just plain rude. Makes no difference if she is shy or embarrassed.

Just rude...

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:55

I really wish these things happened to me, but they just don't?!? grin

YANBU, very weird.

SirChenjin Tue 25-Feb-14 21:13:55

Sorry - x posts. No, sounds like a perfectly normal thing to ask her, but a strange reaction. Either she's bonkers or something else is bothering her and she's taking her frustrations out on you.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Feb-14 21:13:59

Shy? Dear god she sounds anything but shy.

Lomaamina Tue 25-Feb-14 21:14:00

I think what you did was lovely.

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