To not want to cook when I get home

(171 Posts)
ScoobyMetBatman Tue 25-Feb-14 20:45:46

So my dp and I live together. I have come to my parents for the weekend for a family event, unfortunately I have come down with the flu. I was meant to go home on Monday, but I was too I'll to drive (it's a few hours away). Still felt rotten today, but am hoping to go back tomorrow.

I did the weekly shop with dp before I came here, so he got meals in for when I was away (one night he was plannin for a takeaway). I had meals planned for the rest of the week (Monday onwards). Obviously with me not being there those meals didn't happen; dp can't/won't try to cook. He ended up getting another takeaway last night because he didn't know what else to have. I told him today that I won't be back today, and whilst he does have sympathy for me feeling awful, one of his first questions was 'what am I meant to do for food tonight?'. I suggested various things, beans on toast etc. He can't drive so can't get to a proper supermarket, but we have a small shop down the road where he will be able to get SOMETHING. We also have chicken in which he could cook and chuck a sauce on, but he won't (claims he can't, despite doing it a while ago with me talking him through it).

It's so frustrating how he acts so helpless. I've not spoken to him on the phone today because I know he will sulk about it and I can't be bothered with that right now. I have told him in the past he needs to take more responsibility for himself, as I am not his mother and don't want to be treate as such.

Being ill I have had no appetite at all, so have a feeling I'm not going to be fussed about having dinner tomorrow. I'm so annoyed that he will expect me to cook for him. He thinks if I had been ill at home I would have been cooking. So wibu to refuse to cook, or would that just be mean and petty? (The problem is he is working tomorrow night so I probably won't see him until he's home from work which is about 10.30pm - I'd feel very mean not having food ready for him if he's starving!)

Euphemia Tue 25-Feb-14 20:48:56

What did he do before he had you?

How can you bear such a milk sop? I feel exhausted just hearing about him!

On no account cook! Serious chat instead!

If you're not feeling great just go to bed and be there when he gets in - he can sort himself out, it's not your job.

grovel Tue 25-Feb-14 20:51:44

Buy him a Ginster's pasty on the motorway.

Pagwatch Tue 25-Feb-14 20:52:31

Jesus Christ. Just go to bed.
My 20 year old son would be embaressed to be so utterly useless.
Actually my profoundly autistic son who attends a special school can cook chicken and pasta.

How do people tolerate ths shite.

sorry OP but that's pathetic (him, not you)

perfect opportunity for him to learn to fend for himself i think...

CrohnicallyFarting Tue 25-Feb-14 20:55:00

I really don't think I could face cooking if I were recovering from flu. Could he stop off on his way home from work and get a ready meal? Some eggs from the local shop so he can do an omelette? He could cook a proper meal before he goes to work so he can have a sandwich/beans on toast type meal when he gets back.

DH always expected me to cook and would just get a takeaway on the odd occasion when I didn't (I finished work several hours before him so didn't mind having dinner ready when he got in). But when I had a c section and was more or less incapable of doing anything, he really stepped up and was cooking proper meals (under my guidance).

Your DP really needs to get his act together!

aquashiv Tue 25-Feb-14 20:55:16

I hope he has a massive cock. Or does he just act like one.

Hassled Tue 25-Feb-14 20:55:20

What are his redeeming features? He sounds exhausting - I couldn't cope with the neediness.

And it just can't be actual ineptitude - a small child can open a can of beans and warm the contents. My 11 year old can make sausage pasta. This is deliberate, willful neediness. This is keeping you in your place neediness.

everlong Tue 25-Feb-14 20:56:02

Tell him to piss off.

He's a grown man. He can sort his dinner out and yours for that matter.

Get better soon.

Jolleigh Tue 25-Feb-14 20:57:36

What a man child! Tell him to stop being pathetic.

Holy fuck what an embarrassment of a man. He doesn't even deserve the term man

Tell him to grow the fuck up.

balia Tue 25-Feb-14 20:58:33

My DH can't cook; he used to live on Pot Noodles and instant foods like that. But when he has to, of course he can sling something together - when I was in hospital with DS he fed himself and DD. Probably wasn't fantastic, but they didn't starve.

This guy has just got very used to being spoiled. He puts his pet lip out to make you feel 'mean'. Gross.

Acting helpless and sulking?

Expecting the present female ( mum or you) to wait on him.

If you are sick, his main worry is who will cook for him.

Go to bed.

Don't apologise, don't explain, just go to bed.

SybilRamkin Tue 25-Feb-14 21:01:33

This is insane. He is clearly a man-child. Make him get a grip, it'll do him good in the long term!

whois Tue 25-Feb-14 21:03:24

Wow. Just wow. It's one thing doing all the cooking, it's another thing when he sulks and won't even sort himself out with a ready meal or beans on toast!

rubyslippers Tue 25-Feb-14 21:03:42

so, you're ill and your worrying about his reaction to you finally coming home and him not having had his tea

i think this would be an utter deal breaker for me

my 7.5 year old can cook - it's a life skill

basics like omelettes, a baked potato, bowl of pasta are perfectly serviceable and easy to make

he just can't be arsed

i would put money on him not cleaning or doing any other jobs around the house either

Mintyy Tue 25-Feb-14 21:03:58

If you don't have children I would ditch this fool pronto.

How awfully upsetting for him, his mother must be so proud! hmm
He should be cooking for you while your ill, don't do it for him, serious talk
Needed, or LTB!

paxtecum Tue 25-Feb-14 21:12:53

Love: can you imagine what your life will be like if you have babies with this 'man'.

I expect you do all the cleaning and washing too.

Does he contribute at all to the household chores?

JupiterGentlefly Tue 25-Feb-14 21:20:59

Is this a joke OP? (no I am NOT troll hunting) fucking hell a grown man whining 'what am I meant to do for food tonight?' sorry I have just lost my erection...

crazykat Tue 25-Feb-14 21:24:13

Don't cook, be in bed asleep when he gets home. He can either have a sandwich or beans on toast.

I can understand you feeling like you should have something ready when he's been at work but you're ill. It's not like you've got the sniffles, flu is awful and knocks you off your feet.

I do the cooking as I'm a SAHM while DH works long hours in a physical job. That said, when I'm not well or my slipped disk is playing up, he makes his dinner and mine, usually pizza/soup/omelette. Not to mention hoovering/cleaning a bit while making me lie on the sofa or go to bed.

If he sulked because I was too ill to cook for him I'd have serious words about it.

JupiterGentlefly Tue 25-Feb-14 21:26:21

But crazy it seems like you have a mutual arrangement. This whine bag does not know what he can eat or how in the absence of OP. sad

Athrawes Tue 25-Feb-14 21:29:50

Even if, and it's a big if here, he does all the cleaning etc and you do all the cooking normally, he is being childish with comments like "what shall I do for food tonight".
Grow up man!!

Like someone else said, think long and hard before you breed with this man. If his mother brought him up like this, and shame on her if she did, she too will expect you to feed and provide for her precious prince despite your being sofa prone with mastitis after a ECS! (you need to plan for the worst!)

His redeeming qualities better be good.

justiceofthePeas Tue 25-Feb-14 21:30:55

Tell him you are really worried that were anything to happen to you he would starve die from uselessness so from now on he is cooking for his own safety.

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