To be slightly uncomfortable about my sons older girlfriend.

(45 Posts)
Longtimelurkernewposter Tue 25-Feb-14 15:41:32

Ok I'm really not sure about this but my ds (24) has started a relationship with a woman who is 36. I'm a bit uncomfortable with it and I don't know why. AIBU?

Madratlady Tue 25-Feb-14 15:42:54

U

maddening Tue 25-Feb-14 15:43:01

Yabu

DaenerysTargaryensDragonBaby Tue 25-Feb-14 15:43:34

Yeah, he is an adult so YABU.

Would you be as uncomfortable about it if you had a 24 year old DD going out with a 36 year old man.

Of course, you can't help it of you feel uneasy but YWBU to make it known - he is an adult and entitled to have a relationship with whom he likes. Maybe he is mature for his age and just prefers older women. It's not a mad shocking age gap really is it.

Madratlady Tue 25-Feb-14 15:44:09

Posted accidentally there.

Yabu sorry. It is a fairly large gapbut your ds is an adult so he can date whoever he likes. You never know she might be lovely.

Yep, YABU. They're both adults, so what does it matter?

SomethingkindaOod Tue 25-Feb-14 15:46:49

I'll be totally honest, as a 38 year old woman I really can't imagine having a serious relationship with a 24 year old man. I did the younger man thing years ago and it was a fun, lovely time but never likely to become anything more than that.
Let them be and see what happens. YWBU to say anything though.

Backtobedlam Tue 25-Feb-14 15:47:07

YANBU to feel uncomfortable about it, he's your son and naturally you are protective of him. However, YABVU if you do or say anything about these feelings before giving them a chance as a couple.

Longtimelurkernewposter Tue 25-Feb-14 15:48:36

I thought as much, she's really nice, it's just that she's so settled with her life, good job, owns her own house has made it clear she doesn't want any children - I guess I might be worried he's missing stuff.

Pancakeflipper Tue 25-Feb-14 15:50:05

I would feel concerned if I was honest with myself. For utterly selfish reasons that I would never voice aloud.
Stupid reason like it's like one of them has lived life more and will the younger of the relationship miss out on things ? I know that's illogical.
But I am still reeling about someone I know who is 47 moving in their 18yr old partner (been dating for 2yrs).

boydonewrongagain Tue 25-Feb-14 15:54:39

Yanbu to be uncomfortable with it no one can tell you how to feel but that doesnt mean this relationship is a bad thing. My.cousin fell head over heals for a 36 year old woman when he was 24 weirdly enough. His mum found it a bit strange at first too but theyve now been married for 8 years and have 3 children and are really happy together. Also my dad is 10 years older than my mum theyve been married 36 years now. I think if it was maybe a 20 year age gap it would be a bit more difficult as there will be a time they both want different lifestyles but 12 years isnt that big of an age gap.

gorionine Tue 25-Feb-14 16:07:40

Not my son, my brother had a 40 yo girlfriend with a 12 yo DD when he was 22. Before I first met her, I was a bit puzzled and just could not imagine how the relationship could work but after meeting her there was an obvious connection between them,she was really a great person. They went out for several years and decided to go their separate ways when she was offered a great job on a different continent and he just did not want to leave everything behind, nothing to do with their age gap.

Felix90 Tue 25-Feb-14 16:10:19

YABU. I am 23 and the majority of my friends are in their 30's. My closest friend is 38 but doesn't seem any different to me and I never even think about her age. 24 and 36 doesn't sound odd at all for a relationship either!

PiperRose Tue 25-Feb-14 16:10:39

I'm 40, my OH is 26. Today is our 6 month anniversary, he's amazing and I'm ecstatically happy (I think he is too).

Dawndonnaagain Tue 25-Feb-14 16:13:05

I met DH when I was 34. He was 23. 21 years and 3 children later, we are still here. Ds1, now 29 calls him Dad. It worked for us. As with all relationships, these things work or they don't. Obviously some age gaps are not appropriate, but your son is an adult now and should be left to get on with it.

HadABadDay2014 Tue 25-Feb-14 16:25:29

Age is just a number.

ahlahktuhflomp Tue 25-Feb-14 16:34:02

Nothing you can do about it - to be honest a few older sexual partners when you're young is not necessarily a bad thing. I remember one... well anyway <ahem>.

YANBU but you might as well get used to it because you have to let it run its course.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Tue 25-Feb-14 16:38:53

Well if she wants two or three kids she needs to hurry up. Yanbu to worry (your son could get carried away and rushed into parenthood).

Burren Tue 25-Feb-14 16:40:52

Property, the OP said the girlfriend is clear that she doesn't want children, so that isn't an issue.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Tue 25-Feb-14 16:41:10

Ah ok, she does not want children. In that case don't worry. Your ds can decide later whether or not to stay in the relationship if he ultimately decides he does want children. He can walk away at any point with his fertility intact.

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 25-Feb-14 16:42:45

She doesn't want kids.
My nan was 12 years older than my grandpa. He still died years before her sad

DealForTheKids Tue 25-Feb-14 16:42:58

I'm 24 and had a relationship with a 35 year old. I didn't wind up telling my parents about it as it didn't work out (unrelated to age!) but funnily enough my mother met my father when she was 24 and he was 35, so they'd have been a bit hypocritical if they found it odd! They've been married for 25 years so far!

I really wouldn't be too concerned about it (:

Also - I'm with ahlahktuhflomp on that side of things. Rest assured OP that your son is probably learning a lot (but best not to ask or think about it, I'd imagine...)

IfNotNowThenWhen Tue 25-Feb-14 16:43:01

x-post!

Burren Tue 25-Feb-14 16:48:46

But DealFor, people seem to be fine with that kind of age gap when the older party is male. The reverse seems to pull up quite a few socially-conditioned prejudices about sexual relationships where there is an age gap being supposed to be based on female sexual attractiveness and male experience and power. (Or, as some people on the thread have suggested, a Mrs Robinson-type sexual induction for the younger male partner...)

A good friend of mine, now sixty, with an incredibly boyish-looking forty-five year old husband has some hair-raising stories about how people have responded to them, especially as when they got together, she was too old to have children.

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