To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

(184 Posts)
crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:41:24

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit hmm and sad about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

Allofaflumble Thu 27-Feb-14 21:19:40

Just a thought, but this could be someone reminiscing about being in the territorial army or going hunting!

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 27-Feb-14 19:59:18

Aww that's lovely. Love that Mr Goblin's a not noticer too!

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 19:02:12

You just sounded like someone in a comfortable, respectful and trusting relationship that had lasted a good while.
Me?
Sharing a bed with him since...um...1983.
Even if I remove my socks, I haven't got enough digits. grin

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 27-Feb-14 18:56:40

18 years. Not married for that long tho!

You?

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 17:19:46

Of course you were, Dreaming. That's probably why our partners wound up with Betsy and me instead of other more....sensitive women.

How long have you been with him, Betsy? grin

DreamingofSummer Thu 27-Feb-14 17:13:21

Betsy Thanks for clearing that up, I was imagining all sorts

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 27-Feb-14 16:38:23

grin

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 13:16:25

Good that they felt comfortable with him as well.
OH use to tutor at Oxford as well, surrounded by beauty, wealth and brains on a regular basis. He didn't notice much either. grin

MissBetseyTrotwood Thu 27-Feb-14 13:12:25

Hehe. Goblinchild's right, musician. He is currently working with a particularly lovely one who went out of her way to drop her boyfriend into conversation when we went out together. She really didn't have to but I thought it was sweet. I mentioned it to dh later and he hadn't noticed. I appreciated the sensitivity though.

Hope ops feeling better.

Goblinchild Thu 27-Feb-14 12:09:21

Musician?
It's what mine did for a few years, tutoring.

DreamingofSummer Thu 27-Feb-14 12:06:20

<<My DH works regularly with gorgeous, talented young women. Often 1:1, in shut rooms for long periods of time and late into the night.>>

My mind is working overtime!!grin What's his job?

Gruntfuttock Wed 26-Feb-14 21:00:04

I think that's a superb post, MissBetseyTrotwood and I also think the OP should mention to her DH that she overheard.

MissBetseyTrotwood Wed 26-Feb-14 10:44:48

Sorry (More1nfoPlease here - had NCd for another thread).

My DH works regularly with gorgeous, talented young women. Often 1:1, in shut rooms for long periods of time and late into the night. They are waaaay better looking than me (and slimmer, and hardly ever with another human's vomit in their hair) and I felt like you did with young children. I have to trust him and I do, 100%. But a big part of that is the way he makes me feel about myself when he's around. And how clearly he shows he loves me.

He could see I was struggling with my self image when the DCs were small and he made a HUGE effort to be affectionate, loving and complimentary as often as he could. I needed extra reassurance and he was there, giving it.

Your need for reassurance should take precedence for your DP's need for the 'chase' or whatever it is and I think he can't see that at the moment. I know you overheard his conversation and clearly (although it was never intended for you) it's still left you feeling low. Do mention it to him and make it clear how you feel about yourself at the moment. I think he sounds a bit clumsy with words and I'm sure he'd be mortified if he realised the effect they had had on you.

shewhowines Wed 26-Feb-14 10:35:17

Actually, for the first time on this thread, I think join makes a good point, in her last post.

fieldfare Wed 26-Feb-14 10:08:13

I'd be calling my friends, getting dolled up and going out to the pub if that were me. Then acting all enigmatic about it.

Although, I'd have made a retort at the time and not festered on it.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 26-Feb-14 09:59:48

He thinks you're the best he could manage to get.

And he misses "seeing what's out there".

He might mean well, but it's hardly love's young dream is it?

It sounds to me like he feels like he's settled for you.

PansOnFire Wed 26-Feb-14 09:56:33

If he was speaking loudly enough for you to hear then you have nothing to worry about. I miss getting dressed up and the thrill of the chase etc but when I say it I actually mean that I miss my younger, carefree life. Meeting and then getting to know my DH are the best memories I have of my past and I love to reminisce about it. Some days I wish I could go back there. However, I don't want it back! I'd miss what I have way more than I ever miss all that. Speak to your DH, let him know you feel a bit hurt by what he said and then think of some fun things to do together. When my 15 month old is ill it makes me feel like crap, it sounds like you need a bit of a boost. You'll know if he was just saying it without thinking of how you might feel or whether it's an issue in your marriage. My DH says things without thinking all the time, he's mortified when he considers it from my POV. I wouldn't LTB just yet.

crispyporkbelly Wed 26-Feb-14 09:44:33

Pssh I don't know, he meant well though

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 26-Feb-14 09:41:55

he has told me I'm the best he could get

Wow, did you take that as a compliment?

crispyporkbelly Wed 26-Feb-14 08:14:13

I didn't go in there as I was giving ds a bath and he was in his office. Moments passed now and I'm so bloody tired at the moment I can't even be bothered anymore

MistressDeeCee Wed 26-Feb-14 07:07:18

ahlahktuhflomp grin

TamerB Wed 26-Feb-14 06:59:14

On the other side you could say that he said it loud enough because he didn't mean it and it didn't occur to him that it would be taken seriously.

It all depends on the underlying relationship. If you do take it seriously there are are probably underlying problems.

daisychain01 Wed 26-Feb-14 06:44:12

There is one thing giving a mate a bit of a boost if they are newly single like Hey enjoy being single go out and have a wild time enjoy YOUR freedom etc

It's a whole 'nother ballgame saying Im really jealous of you. I really miss the single life"

Hearing her OH making the statement being so personal to him is what hurts He could have been more careful but he wasn't and the fact he said it loud enough for her to hear says to me he couldn't give a toss how she feels. Sounds like he wanted her to hear

Some of the comparisons on here are way off beam (like the one about choosing a galaxy choc bar over fruit and nut) just made me laugh the context the OP described was totally different to a joke it was wishing he was somewhere else doing nice things he doesn't do now oh diddums how sad for him

ahlahktuhflomp Wed 26-Feb-14 06:28:00

mistress you're on dangerous ground suggesting there is men's talk for men's ears around here!

(although FTR I think you're pretty much right)

TamerB Wed 26-Feb-14 06:27:48

I can't believe that everyone is taking this so seriously!
I think that most people harp back to their youth, it doesn't mean that in reality thy want to go there. When I was single again, later in life, people said exactly the same to me- to cheer me up- I knew, and they knew, that they were not serious!

I say lots of things 'tongue in cheek' and it is very disconcerting, every so often, when people take me seriously.

I can't think why you didn't just go straight in and have a laugh with him about it!

Personally, since you didn't, I would just forget it- but if you can't just ask him.

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