To be a bit miffed at this phone conversation I overheard DP having?

(184 Posts)
crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:41:24

Wasn't eavesdropping btw, was in next room.

'That's what I miss, mate, the chase, getting dressed up...trying your chances, seeing what's out there...ah I envy you, I envy you'

His friend must have then said, well actually you're lucky because he said 'Yeah you're right, yeah true'

AIBU to be a bit hmm and sad about this? Given that he has a great life, a beautiful ds, cooked for everyday, clean house etc? Wtf is he complaining about. Feel like clouting him around the head.

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:54:35

Part of me feels like if he feels like that after only 5 years and 1 ds then he's got a long ride left! And will he last?

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:56:04

now you know why it is bad to eavesdrop.

Um if you read even the first line of the op you would see I wasn't. He was in the next room and was talking really loudly.

If I was talking about something like that I would keep my voice down

Viviennemary Tue 25-Feb-14 10:56:17

I don't think I'd take it in the least bit seriously. It's just like you saying you'd love to get dressed up and go out to dinner with some handsome star. Don't give it another thought.

Standinginline Tue 25-Feb-14 10:56:36

I miss the the new relationship feeling ,the getting dressed up ,the whole something new etc... And have said this to friends sometimes. But ,I still prefer my life at the moment with my partner of 6 years smile

It's like I miss my old Fiat Cinquecento ,but definitely prefer my Clio !! smile

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:56:53

X-post OnlyLovers exactly!

AnyFuckerHQ Tue 25-Feb-14 10:56:54

You live in the same house. If he was cackling on the phone, why wouldn't you "overhear" him

Unless you were sneaking around behind closed doors with a glass on the wall ?

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 10:58:14

Just don't like the thought of him missing chasing women tbh. I know we all do. His friend must think I'm awful

Thetallesttower Tue 25-Feb-14 10:58:32

Point taken- he was being loud and tactless then. I still wouldn't go mad over it, I'd have walked in though and said 'so you miss your old life then love, don't we all' and given him a chance to say something nice/apologise a bit.

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 11:00:48

Yeah I should've done that. Ill try and just forget about it

ahlahktuhflomp Tue 25-Feb-14 11:01:34

Why would he keep his voice down if he doesn't mean anything by it and has nothing to hide?

Confront him if you must but I think you're reading deep meaning into it that I'm 99% sure isn't there.

Perhaps just say you're sorry but you heard him, you can't unhear it and it's better to be straightforward rather than worry on the quiet.

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 11:02:58

Why would he keep his voice down if he doesn't mean anything by it and has nothing to hide?

Because its quite an upsetting thing for your partner to hear? It's called respect and sensitivity

AnyFuckerHQ Tue 25-Feb-14 11:03:48

No, stuffing your feelings down isn't the answer either

Talk to him about it. Why does that seem impossible to you ?

ADishBestEatenCold Tue 25-Feb-14 11:05:45

Not sure how serious/lighthearted your posts are, crispyporkbelly i.e. are you a bit miffed at what you heard, but don't think it's too much of a problem or are you upset at what you heard, and think it's indicative of a problem?

It's just when you posted this "No wonder he hardly initiates anything" I did wonder if you were already a bit concerned about the effort he/you both were putting into your relationship.

How old is your Ds and is his illness long-term?

Wantsunshine Tue 25-Feb-14 11:07:13

Make yourself a bit more unavailable to him. Get the spark back. Whether he meant it or not it wouldn't hurt to make some changes.

Wantsunshine Tue 25-Feb-14 11:07:52

Also you could tell him you feel he needs to make more of an effort with you

Strawberryteddybear Tue 25-Feb-14 11:09:01

Yes and no.

I don't think he means he's ready to up and leave you, but we can all yearn for what we experienced before, nothing wrong with that.

I'm in a great relationship and loving family life but I do miss the excitement of going out when I was single and the anticipation it brings- not for one second will I ever trade in what I have now, and even if I were single again it would never be the same as when I was 21, but its nice to sit back as think 'ah those were the good days!'

I wouldn't take it personally.

LadyInDisguise Tue 25-Feb-14 11:09:27

What would worry me is that comment in the context if 'he hardly initiate anything. He is bored' because it gives the comment a very different meaning.

AND his friend was the one to point out he us the lucky one with a wife and a dc....

So the question is
Do you have any reason to think that he might not find your relationship fulfilling?

Basketofchocolate Tue 25-Feb-14 11:09:31

God, I feel like that a lot!

Am happy to discuss it with my husband. We're both so happy to have and be with each other, but we are sometimes wistful of those younger days.

When I was single, we used to sit in the pub and laugh that us singles were envious of those having to call it a night to go home to a loved one and they'd be envious of us being able to stay out all night.

ClaraFox Tue 25-Feb-14 11:09:52

What's the big deal with saying ' I overheard you on the phone saying you missed the chase etc and it upset me and I keep thinking about it ... ' and then giving him the chance to chat with you about it ?

Just communicate how you feel. Or alternatively, seethe quietly and feel upset. I know what I'd do

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 11:09:57

P f. U khz. P

LadyInDisguise Tue 25-Feb-14 11:10:33

Lots of xpost a here...

LadyInDisguise Tue 25-Feb-14 11:11:13

???

MeepMeepVrooom Tue 25-Feb-14 11:11:49

Truthfully OP I think if you can just say do you know what I'm being a bit daft (we've all had those moments) and truly forget about it then by all means do it.

However if it (and I suspect it will) is going the play on your mind then I honestly think you should bring it up to him. I'm not meaning in a confrontational way but maybe just a "I've got a wee bone to pick with you Mr, so you miss the single life do you?" with a big grin

I bet you he will either be mortified and profess his love for you and that he was only joking or it'll be a case of his mate saying he's fed up of being single and he was trying to make him feel better. Or something to that affect.

I agree with the posters who have said you can miss something without wanting to trade what you have got now.

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 11:13:04

Sorry ds got my phone.

He's 15 months and not ill long term, just constant toddler bugs. Can hardly kick up my heels at the moment.

Lady - maybe that's what I'm upset about that he finds it unfulfilling. But the way he said 'yeah true, no you're right' was very genuine which makes me think he was just being wistful and thinking of those times.

I know I shouldn't get upset by it as its not like he said it to my face

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Feb-14 11:14:38

Meepmeep - I was going to bring it up in a lighthearted way like that but ds then woke up screaming and didn't stop for aaaages so the moment passed.

If its still on my mind tonight, I will. I can talk to him

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