to ask if my daughter can come to the wedding?

(455 Posts)
splasheeny Sat 22-Feb-14 14:46:38

A very good friend is getting married, she was my only bridesmaid when I got married. She has moved away from me and I don't see her very often now, but we do stay in touch. I was hurt she didn't ask me to be bridesmaid, but haven't said anything.

The wedding is on the same weekend ans my dd's birthday, and in the middle of nowhere, some distance from where we live, so it will involve spending the weekend there (plus getting annual leave for travelling, something which I am not sure if will even be granted).

I am already planning my dd's birthday party for the week prior, as even if we were able to get back in time for her birthday, we wouldn't have time to plan a party the same weekend. I also don't know what we would do for childcare, and it feels mean to leave dd for her birthday. It will also cost a lot for hotel, transport, and childcare, which we could afford but would be at the expense of other things.

The wedding is not child free.

Wibu to ask if dd can come? Timing and location of the wedding really make things really difficult. I don't know if its rude to ask, would it be better to no go? I'm tempted to say could she come, she wouldn't even need a chair and can eat off my plate. AIBU?

MintyChops Sun 02-Mar-14 05:46:03

Sounds like you are doing the right thing, hope your DD's birthday party is great fun.

Have googled a few of the wedding blogs; bloody hell!!!! My favourite quote from a charmless bride to be about how to decide the guest list was "We are reimagining wedding guests as units requiring 12 hours of free food and drink, which helps our tight fists make some hard decisions". Wow.

OwlinaTree Sun 02-Mar-14 07:08:35

We are reimagining wedding guests as units requiring 12 hours of free food and drink, which helps our tight fists make some hard decisions

Wow hope I get an invite to that one, sounds like a barrel of laughs!

mustbetimefortea Sun 02-Mar-14 09:46:43

OP did the blogpost appear after you asked the question? If so you may be the only one to query the child free policy and she is trying to stop other non family members asking.

I think it would be unfair on your dd to prioritise this friend's wedding over her birthday. At that age she will know it is her special day even if her party is on a different day.

It doesn't sound like you will know many of the non family guests and you will remember how little time you get with your guests, so if you go on your own it could be a pretty lonely day. Plus it might emphasize that you are not as close as you once were.

Don't go but arrange to see the dvd afterwards. If she's blogging no doubt you'll get a link to the official photos and there may even be live video streaming of the actual day..

splasheeny Sun 02-Mar-14 14:05:58

The blog was written before I asked, but I hadn't read it till afterwards.

I will know lots of the other guests, which is why I know that the 'children' issue is a bit of a non issue: other friends don't have children.

Even if dd were to be invited now (and I highly doubt that) I wouldn't go as I wouldn't want her to be there under suferance.

chunkythighs Sun 02-Mar-14 21:07:08

Brian I'm humbled, but no doubt that the the op thinks I'm a right cow. For what it's worth-I sodded off and eloped to avoid all this crap, so I'm o no one to compare to.

But the OP clearly changes her mind as what she expects many times- QUOTE
*splasheeny Sun 23-Feb-14 16:49:24
I do agree that she must not value our friendship as much now to not invite me to be bridesmaid/not invite daughter to be flower girl and not even invite her.*

*splasheeny Sat 22-Feb-14 14:46:38
A very good friend is getting married, she was my only bridesmaid when I got married. She has moved away from me and I don't see her very often now, but we do stay in touch. I was hurt she didn't ask me to be bridesmaid, but haven't said anything.*

*splasheeny Sun 02-Mar-14 00:28:22
Chunky you are making things up now. I never said I wanted all those things*

SPLASH I'm quoting your own words, you are clear in your expectations of your place in this girls wedding. Where am I wrong? Life is complicated she just can't accommodate your childcare needs for her wedding. You know this girl and should make the call as to whether or not this is a conscience decision and if so why.....

Life is too short to take it personally. <thickskinned me! grin>

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