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Aibu - well meaning but misplaced comments about my weight loss

(35 Posts)
CaptainTripps Wed 19-Feb-14 16:51:37

Bit of background - sorry if I go on and on. I am 5'2'' and 10 and a half stone. I have lost 3 and a half st (possibly 4 st but was in denial about my starting weight) text-book style eg over 2-3 years, slow and steady bla bla and in a healthy way by following WW. I have not cut out any food groups and I enjoy my food. Oh boy do I enjoy my food.

I have been able to maintain my weight over the past year. I would ideally love to lose another half stone. I should be lighter according to my height and BMI calculations.

The main thing is I am happy and healthy. I eat very well and pay close attention to my nutrients. My skin is glowing despite my advancement into middle age. I look petite and fit and I do lots of keep fit and swimming.

But the comments!

'Oooh you're getting a bit gaunt...'
'You don't want to overdo it...'
'You are eating properly, aren't you, Captain?'
'You should stop now...' (even thought my weight loss has stalled)

All from well-meaning folks. None particularly have a weight issue so there can't be any envy etc. I am starting to get hacked off.

Trouble is when I dip below 10.7 st, my face does begin to look very trim. It always comes off my face first. But I can't bloody help that!

Gahhh. Lordy. Someone save me from these well-meaning but unsought opinions. Any good retorts anyone can recommend? I tend to go and seethe silently in the corner. They should have told me when I was too heavy. Now that may have been useful.

CaptainTripps Wed 19-Feb-14 16:56:49

Oh god. This is so minor compared to some peoples' problems! Sorry.

NeonMuffin Wed 19-Feb-14 16:59:45

I've lost two stone over the last 18 months, I've only gone down from a size 14 to a size 12 but the way some people are talking you'd swear I was anorexic and looked half starved. I'm healthy, I'm not starving myself, I don't deprive myself of anything but I don't stuff my face with crap anymore either.

I think it's jealousy from some people. Probably the ones who can't stick to diets themselves. "Ooh you look good. But don't lost anymore" is a favourite and a massive back handed complement as far as I'm concerned.

CaptainTripps Did you mean to be so rude? shock

OP, I would stonewall them. Failing that, 10.5 stone at 5 2" probably still means a highish BMI - so you could always confront them with the facts. Are the people saying this heavy themselves?

Congratulations on your weight loss. thanks

DuckworthLewis Wed 19-Feb-14 17:00:04

Well done on your weight loss - that's a fantastic achievement.

I think people have just got so used to obese people now that people of a normal weight look 'thin' and 'gaunt', even though they're actually a healthy weight.

Ignore.

NeonMuffin Wed 19-Feb-14 17:00:21

CaptainTripps you are bloody rude.

DuckworthLewis Wed 19-Feb-14 17:01:00

Shall I say 'people' one more time? smile

NewtRipley Wed 19-Feb-14 17:01:13

I think that when people lose a lot of weight it can be a bit of a shock and people who are used to seeing you a certain way can be a bit discombobulated and (charitably) maybe worry a bit. I know a couple of people who, until you got used to it, looked a bit gaunt. But that was not because they were gaunt - just you were used to what they looked like before

HOWEVER

I would never, ever say anything because you should never ever comment on someone's weight.

I wonder if the kind of people who do comment would not be satisfied no matter what. What do you say at the moment?

DuckworthLewis Wed 19-Feb-14 17:02:06

AM I missing something here?

Why is OP being rude?

confused

HumphreyCobbler Wed 19-Feb-14 17:02:22

they should be quiet and leave you alone

but, have you checked that you are 5'2"? I thought I was for YEARS and then actually measured myself to find that I am two inches taller hmm

MrsReacher85 Wed 19-Feb-14 17:03:01

Pumpkin and neon- captaintripps is the OP!

NewtRipley Wed 19-Feb-14 17:03:12

There was a thread recently about commenting on thinness/fatness and how annoying it is whatever the circumstances. It says more about the person commenting's insecurities

Fleta Wed 19-Feb-14 17:03:42

Poor CaptainTripps IS the OP. She wasn't being rude!

I do think people feel the need to seem interested/concerned etc and sometimes get it very wrong. I think very few people mean things maliciously though.

Well done on such a successful change

Augustwedding Wed 19-Feb-14 17:03:46

Congrats the weight loss, sounds like you have worked really hard And have the motivation I so need right now!

Have you tried just telling them you find their comments hurtful, that you are happy as you are and do not want to discuss it? ( even if not wholly true as you said ideally you'd like to loose another 1/2 stone) Easier said than done though ....!

CaptainTripps IS the OP. I saw that only after I posted! grin

Ragwort Wed 19-Feb-14 17:04:51

I had exactly the same when I lost quite a lot of weight, actually I hated anybody commenting on it at all because to me it sounded 'well done on losing so much weight (ie: you were very over weight before)'. I got all the usual, 'don't lose anymore' - one bloke actually asked if I had a serious illness grin.

Anyway, I put it all back on so no one says anything now grin.

DuckworthLewis Wed 19-Feb-14 17:05:01

I was thinking I'd opened, not a thread, but a portal into a parallel universe!

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat Wed 19-Feb-14 17:05:14

Captain Trips is the OP, people!

This happened to me when I lost mumble mumble stones - I did realise that part of the issue was that they were just used to seeing me looking a lot heavier if you see what I mean. Mostly I would just smile and nod, smile and nod, although I did once ask one of my friends why it was ok for her to be slim, but me to not be? Surprisingly she had no answer!

Congratulations on your weight loss as well flowers

Motherinlawsdung Wed 19-Feb-14 17:05:45

RTFT!! CaptainTripps IS the OP!
OP, great achievement. Try to ignore the comments from these "friends"- they are just envious.

NewtRipley Wed 19-Feb-14 17:06:15

This is where highlighting the OP's posts comes in useful.....

DorisAllTheDay Wed 19-Feb-14 17:06:34

Have people noticed that CaptainTripps and the OP are one and the same person?

Can't think of a good retort, but YANBU to be hacked off. If you want to make commentators feel uncomfortable, you could try, 'There are many reasons why people lose weight, not all of them intentional. Shall we explore the number of assumptions you've just made in your comment?' Failing that, just smile sweetly and say firmly, 'I'm eating fine, thank you very much,' and change the subject.

I've lost a lot of weight lately, not to the point of looking gaunt, but I've very obviously changed shape. I think it's no-one's business but my own and people shouldn't make personal comments. It always makes me feel uncomfortable, but I find changing the subject very firmly works.

Am interested to see if anyone comes up with a humorous one-liner.

squoosh Wed 19-Feb-14 17:07:10

CaptainTripps you were very rude to yourself, apologise to you at once!

The moral is, don't immediately slag your own OP after you've OP'd it.

Mintyy Wed 19-Feb-14 17:09:22

P
M
S
L
!!!!!!

Sorry, but this is hilarious grin grin grin.

Congrats on your weight loss CaptainTripps. As you know perfectly well, 10 stone 7 is not remotely underweight for someone of your height. It's annoying if all your weight comes off your face but, as you say, nothing you can do about it.

MarysDressSways Wed 19-Feb-14 17:10:57

Haha, this is where highlighting the OP's (and your) posts in the customise bit would have helped some!

Just ignore these people Captain. My husband and I have been dieting and a few people told him he looked "ill" when he hit his target weight. He most certainly doesn't look ill, technically he's still overweight! But he's at a weight the doctor is happy with for his height, he's certainly not so thin he looks ill, just different to how these people were used to seeing him. That's probably what it is with you.

I'm not at that stage quite yet, ha.

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