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am i unreasonable about valentines day

(27 Posts)
presario1 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:46:46

hi all, first post new userx
the story is my dp had a serious accident a few months ago.
i visited him every day. paid a fortune and spend hours of my time to visit him. brought him anything he needed, he lives with his parents.
and him mother and i dont get on.
we had a run in around christmas when i brought up a big bag of presents and all she could think ;why did i not visit dp during christmas week?
bearing in mind all that things that go with it, i ate her and we are both in the outs
i didnt not receive a christmas present from my dp or any of his family,
i am bit bitter about that but
my dp had to go back in to hospital 3 weeks ago he knew i was looking forward to valentines day and i told him he 'better make an effort'
when he was in hospital i visited him every day and the day before val i got him chips and a card. on valentines day
i got nothing off him.

not a card or a text message or even flowers to topp it all off my beloved nan is dying in the hospital. far away from me and he brought me flowers the year before and he saw how happy i was.
when since valentines day i have not spoken to him he knows im angry as hell, i even call up on his bad behaviour to his sister and his brother wife saying i didnt get a card or a text message or flowers he rang me in the evening like normal

am i unreasobale? his family are started to text me probably wanted to know the gossip but i cant face them either and i couldnt face telling my friends as i told them he got me 'flowers' im so upset and heartbroken any advice?

harriet247 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:48:55

Dump him.

presario1 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:49:49

i really thought he would made an effort
i knew he is in hospital but he could have rang interflora he rings the bookies everyday. on friday night i told him im breaking up with him
i havent contacted him and either has he
i cant belive he expected me to think its ok to get no christmas present and no valentines card, or an effort if that was you please advice me

Alibabaandthe40nappies Mon 17-Feb-14 19:50:10

Dump him, he is just not that into you.

Focus your thought on your nan instead, I'm very sorry she is so poorly.

phantomnamechanger Mon 17-Feb-14 19:52:04

what are his good points? does he make you laugh, make you feel special, tell you he loves you, thank you for your care/visits/gifts?

I can't see why you are with him TBH, does not sound like much of a relationship.

redexpat Mon 17-Feb-14 19:53:06

Dump him.

daisychain01 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:55:00

He doesn't give a flying four-X, I wouldnt just walk away, I'd run.

You are wasting your good love on a complete arse. sad sorry.

presario1 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:56:46

thanksxxxxx guysxxx you all so nice on here
even my mam is angry with him he does make me feel special
but lately im been so miserable with all the shit that is going on.
his family dont even like me. however his bro wife keeps msg me on fb saying are you 2 breaking up or what i know i be talking it about they are a cruel family they drink and like to 'slagg you off'
im just so embarrsed

dollymixedup Mon 17-Feb-14 20:01:28

You've nothing to be embarrassed about - it doesn't sound like you owe him or his family anything.

Ignore all the facebook rubbish and spend the money/time on yourself rather than visiting him.

Coumarin Mon 17-Feb-14 20:20:33

Get rid of him. Sounds like he doesn't care sorry and his family are a bunch of drama queens.

Dump him.

Ignore them on Facebook. It's none of their business.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 17-Feb-14 20:22:28

Dump him. Block them all on Facebook. Move on.

presario1 Mon 17-Feb-14 20:26:03

ty to all that offered me advice i think i will turn of fb for the night at least and your right the are the horrible bunch of drama queens ever lol
going on about his exs to me all the time and other stuff

WeAreDetective Mon 17-Feb-14 20:30:55

Really not worth it. A DH is supposed to make you feel happy and good about yourself. Anything this much effort is simply not worth it. thanks from me xx

WeAreDetective Mon 17-Feb-14 20:31:55

Sorry! Not a DH!! DP...

ForgettableTampon Mon 17-Feb-14 20:35:10

yes dump him and block his sorry arse and all his sourfaced family from your facebook too

divisionbyzero Tue 18-Feb-14 11:41:47

Not getting presents from men does not actually mean they don't like you or don't care.

In a world of only men, I think nobody would buy anyone else presents - people would be generous sure, but I think the concept of presents, wrapped up and given on particular days, would die out in about 3 weeks. Seriously, it is a hoop to jump through, I do not think a card has ever held a nanosecond of genuine emotional significance for any man since time began - and firmly believe it to be an affectation for those who claim it does.

I don't know the family, but it is any women in that, who are sending a message - they may even have been charged with getting stuff for you, or reminding him of the existence of valentines day. It is very likely indeed that a person in hospital might ask their mum/sister to find a nice card.

As for getting upset about valentines, I'm sorry YABU. If I was told, while I was in hospital, perhaps even in pain or stress, of someone's demands for a nice Valentine's Day, I would honestly think you just sounded self-centred and would not feel romantic towards you.

I don't know if there were, but if there were also overtones that my stay was in some way to "blame" for you not being with your nan and there were demands that you get some nice choccy woccy and pwesents because you deserve it, I might just think whatever.

Topaz25 Tue 18-Feb-14 12:22:15

TBH, with the issues with his family I would want to walk away unless the relationship was great. Would you really want them to be your in laws? If he's not making you feel wanted or appreciated then that would be the last straw.

Quinteszilla Tue 18-Feb-14 12:24:52

"he rings the bookies everyday" hmm But cant get you flowers?

He sounds like "a taker". And his family does not sound very nice either.

Let him stay dumped. You are too good for that.

presario1 Wed 19-Feb-14 14:52:01

hi all an update, well my nan passed away so a bit upset
enventually got hold of him. he still in hospital waiting on futher results, he seem cold and distince towards me i said ' why did you not ring me ' he told me that ' he didnt coz i told him and that is true but usually he me i love you and ringing me off the hook he told me he couldnt ring the flowers fine dont care about that and i asked him why did you not get his brother to do somthing ' oh he does too much already' i just dont know anymore we are trying for a baby but he has only 2 per cent mobility and we were going to go ivf but i had to cancel that due to his sickness i feel its all give give give give but hes my soul mate he gone so cold barely cares anymore im worried that if i dump him i never find anyone else im 32 and fat he was my first bf ever and we were going out with each for about 3 years his family hates me due to all the exs in his past they dont like me they used to bully me over there to be honest
not seeing them make my anixety much better but im worried he be back in his feet in no time and be with someone else but me i have stuck by thru other shit his exs done to him on his past and i get nothing i be single for months i just feel so alone
i feel like telling its up to you and let me know once the funeral is over

phantomnamechanger Wed 19-Feb-14 15:09:33

Hi OP, I am so very sorry about your nan thanks and ((hugs)) for you.

If he can't be absolutely lovely to you now, of all times, then he never will. I'm sorry if this is blunt but it needs to be said.

I really don't know why you would want to try for a baby with someone who treats you so bad. You sound very down about yourself in general - those comments about being fat and never having had a Bf before. You should not settle for that loser just to have someone in your life, you are better off on your own! Honestly, you deserve so much better - don't you believe that? You need to work on your self esteem, be happy with being YOU, be happy to be on your own, and some day a lovely guy will want to know you better.

If you stick with this creep, he is not going to change when he becomes a dad, your life will not magically become all be the stuff of romantic fairy tales - he will carry on being a selfish pig, using you, expecting you to do all the work, being a crap example to his kid, and there will be battle after battle with him not backing you up with his family. There are countless women stuck in relationships with men who treat them badly, you do not need to be one of them.

Quinteszilla Wed 19-Feb-14 16:29:53

So sorry to hear about your nan. flowers

I dont think this man will ever be the man you hope him to be.

Please dont have a child with him. He does not care as much about you as you care about him.

You are way too good for him.

eggsandwich Wed 19-Feb-14 16:56:34

Sadly its time to say goodbye to this relationship, and look ahead to new ones.

Davidhasselhoffstoecheese Wed 19-Feb-14 17:46:09

There is a chance he's trying to push you away. He sounds like he has a very hard life with only 2% mobility. Is there any chance he's depressed?

squeakytoy Wed 19-Feb-14 17:50:40

"i just dont know anymore we are trying for a baby but he has only 2 per cent mobility and we were going to go ivf but i had to cancel that due to his sickness"

seriously??? and how do you think you are both going to raise a child??

Coumarin Thu 20-Feb-14 16:46:24

I think OP is referring to sperm motility rather than his physical mobility. Hence the ivf.

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