To think that, generally speaking, it is those that are in love with themselves and make little effort for others that everyone wants to be friends with?

(43 Posts)
Beigecurtains Mon 17-Feb-14 16:23:35

I have found this several times over the years, that those that are aloof, in love with themselves, and make no effort for others, that have people absolutely falling over themselves to be friends with them and to do things with/for them?

I currently know a woman like this.

She is from my NCT group. She is very full of herself, and thinks that her opinion is always right. I'd say her general attitude is 'I'm the best and you're scum'. We all still meet regularly and meet ups usually revolve around her, and everyone listening to what she has to say. There is an awful lot of fawning that goes on, with everyone always telling her how marvellous she is, how great her house is, how beautiful she is, what a great car she has. She posts selfie after selfie on Facebook, and frequently ignores comments from others and only likes or replies to certain ones. She is quite abrupt with how she speaks to people, and is actually quite nasty at times, but seems to have such a high opinion of herself that this is overlooked. She also cannot just do anything normally like everyone else seems to do. Everything has to be better/worse for her.

I have never, ever known her to ask how anybody else is, to ask anyone about themselves or for their opinion, or to actually 'give' anything to a friendship or conversation at all. Yet she is insanely popular. I don't understand how people like her actually manage to hold onto friends? I guarantee that if I just started speaking about myself all the time, ignoring things that people said to me, and acting in an aloof way that I would pretty quickly find myself with no friends and no social life.

How do people get away with behaving in this way?

Kandypane Mon 17-Feb-14 19:10:19

I d

Kandypane Mon 17-Feb-14 19:10:30

Sorry! I d

Kandypane Mon 17-Feb-14 19:11:07

Effin phone! I don't know but I have found the same. It's very annoying!

Thetallesttower Mon 17-Feb-14 19:13:18

This sounds very familiar- I think someone with a similar friend must have posted on here about it a while back- perhaps it is the same person!

I would question whether she really has lots of great friends who would come over in a crisis. I've met charismatic queen bee types before and in general, they are style over substance and if circumstances change such as moving away or leaving a workplace, they have few genuine and real friends that move with them. Lots of display fawning in the current friendship group doesn't mean you have a friend for life.

harriet247 Mon 17-Feb-14 19:16:15

Have you seen mean girls?! :D

NecklessMumster Mon 17-Feb-14 19:16:48

I've been learning about personality types and I think you are right in so far as people are attracted to extroverts, and introverts can be overlooked.But I would hope that this only goes so far and people can see thro selfish people etc.There is a woman like this in the school mum group, she really annoyed me and I just decided to give her a wide berth, then I discovered she actually pisses off more people than I realised.

motherinferior Mon 17-Feb-14 19:19:57

No; I know lots of kind, generous people that others adore being friends with. The women I know with wide friendship circles are mainly really, really nice.

There's a mum at the school gates who is a ravishingly beautiful model (with a ravishingly gorgeous DH we all sigh over too). She is popular not because she is a gorgeous model but because she is so absolutely lovely in every other way as well as her looks.

BalloonSlayer Mon 17-Feb-14 19:25:19

I know some people who are very nice but whom I would describe as "very pleased with themselves" and they all seem very popular.

They never seem to say anything self-deprecating about themselves, and they manage to make any potential failings sound like positive characteristics.

They are perfectly nice people but more popular than other, equally nice, people who just don't have the confidence.

I think it is possibly is just all down to confidence.

Ilovexmastime Mon 17-Feb-14 20:43:38

I think yabu, most of the popular people I know are popular because they are nice people. Yes, they are confident in themselves, but I wouldn't describe that as loving themselves. I think they are just sure of who they are, and that can be a very attractive quality to have. It'sssomething that I would love to have so I do find myself gravitating towards those types of people in the hope of learning something.

HuntingforBunting Mon 17-Feb-14 22:05:44

I see both sides, but I do think you have a point op

MooncupGoddess Mon 17-Feb-14 22:10:45

I haven't found this, but I do think that other people will generally take you at your own estimation. So confident people with decent self-esteem find it easier to make friends than those who are riddled with self-doubt, however nice they may be.

TheRaniOfYawn Mon 17-Feb-14 22:14:44

I think that confident people who like themselves tend to go out of their way to be nice to other people more. They aren't embarrassed about asking someone if they are ok, or offering help.

The people I know who are very popular are the ones who have the social energy to keep on being friendly to everyone on a regular basis.

brettgirl2 Mon 17-Feb-14 22:15:00

yabu no idea what you are talking about sorry

trampstamp Mon 17-Feb-14 22:15:13

Op you are correct my sister is a arse very selfish won't go out of her way for anyone very unreliable and would have no issue with sleeping with your or my oh

She has loads of friends loads it's unreal she always invited to parties ECt and have people falling over the self to be her mate

expatinscotland Mon 17-Feb-14 22:17:55

When you are young or hang out with immature people, perhaps.

After a while, you learn to just blow such people off and find other, more genuine people to associate with.

persimmon Mon 17-Feb-14 22:19:13

I knew someone like this. She was in many ways horrible BUT she was funny and charismatic too. I think that personality type is relatively unusual in women and people are attracted to them as 'exotic' and dangerous. We are just animals after all and if someone presents themselves as superior many people react to them as the leader of the group.

LEMmingaround Mon 17-Feb-14 22:22:05

YANBU - i have seen this time after time, in the end these women turn out to be vacuous (sp) twats who flit from one friend to another really quickly. There is something magnetic about them and i have often felt envious but i'd rather be a raggy doll and have raggy doll, genuine friends than superficial it girls.

Therainiofyawn - i totlally disagree, in my experience these people are usually totally self absorbed, they will say things like "how are you honey" and if you start to tell them, they either turn the subject back to themselves or throw out the "must go, we will catch up soon, mwah" line.

LEMmingaround Mon 17-Feb-14 22:23:07

expat - i agree, although it has taken me a LONG time to grow out of that

TheRaniOfYawn Mon 17-Feb-14 22:34:12

The popular people I know are the sort who will make sure that the woman stuck under a feeding baby at toddler group has a cup of tea, who will lend you the vital part of a costume for world book day, who helps out on the stall at fundraising events, who collects your child from school at short notice when your meeting overruns, who texts all her friends when she is in ikea to take orders of small items, who remembers your birthday before the Facebook reminder, who doesn't just have her friends to stay in her spare room but also her friends' random relatives who are passing through.

I can't think of anyone I know who meets your description who would be in any way popular.

Hedgehead Mon 17-Feb-14 22:54:55

I feel like I know who you are talking about! AND she is currently pregnant!

And yes I agree. I have often thought that weak people (sheep) are drawn to strong people. Strong people can be those who care and protect others, but they can ALSO be these narcissistic types who dominate about themselves.

Generally weak personalities or people with less of a sense of themselves are drawn into these people's orbit, but it doesn't satisfy the person getting all the attention - as they find their followers a bit boring.

It would be worth seeing what would happen when someone of equal personality strength comes into the friendship group!

CailinDana Mon 17-Feb-14 23:04:35

I think you have the wrong idea of what "popular" is. Everyone was falling over themselves to meet with Germany in the 1930s and give them everything they wanted. They weren't popular they were scary and the belief was that appeasing them and staying on their good side would maintain the balance in Europe and help everyone to get along. We all know how well that worked out.

I notice that shy or socially awkward people tend to latch onto the sort of people you describe perhaps in the hopes they won't be a target for bullying or exclusion. There's also allure for some I think in being "liked" by the local bitch as though the fact you're her "friend" is an achievement of some sort.

cornishcreamtea Mon 17-Feb-14 23:32:32

I know exactly what you mean beige. There is somebody just like this in a hobby group my dd and I have recently joined. She is loud, expects everybody to agree with her ideas and thinks if she has made a decision then we will all agree.

Recently I felt myself thinking am I the only one who finds her irritating and who doesn't laugh at her jokes? Everybody else seems to flock around her and go with her decisions. It took my 10 year old DD saying " mum isn't that lady full of herself?" to make me realise maybe I'm not the only one thinking that!

sadbodyblue Mon 17-Feb-14 23:36:02

what Expat says.

sadbodyblue Mon 17-Feb-14 23:37:42

I usually find that it's the sheep mentality. if you just voice your feelings like ' yes she's great but don't you want to fling your poop in her face?' people usually agree.

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