AIBU to think one of my co-workers has a point ?

(94 Posts)
SeptemberFlowers Mon 17-Feb-14 11:22:40

I work in a small team and one of my colleagues smokes, she'll nip out in the morning and have one followed by an afternoon one, however she is always at work early to cover the extra break time.

One colleague said to her this morning "Off for another death stick ? You should try quitting you know, you're doing your health no favours." Smoker colleague has tried a few times but non smoker colleague is always making a comment or two, I feel it's none of our business. She's a grown woman who makes her own choices.

This morning after non smoker colleague said that, smoker snapped back. "How about you stop snacking on all the junk food and crap that you eat ? You are doing you're health no favours you know, I hear Weight Watchers is good." Then she left.

Colleague sat their stunned and quite promptly burst into tears. She is morbidly obese (she tells the whole office this fact so it's not me being unkind).

A small part of me feels actually that smoker has a point, why is it ok for non smoker to make comments but as soon as shoe is on the other foot it's bullying ? (non smoker wants to complain for bullying now)

Over to the MN jury !

CuntyBunty Thu 20-Feb-14 09:22:15

Has NS seen her thread OP.

In a way, it really doesn't matter what the subject of the spat was. Take the fat and the fags out of it and we can see Smoker was the victim originally and Fatty only got what she deserves. If smoker was made to feel embarrassed every time she nipped for a fag, now the perpetrator will know how it feels every time she unwraps a Snickers in the office. Tough titty. Karma eh?

LegoCaltrops Wed 19-Feb-14 19:51:56

Love it! Thanks for the update.

scarffiend Wed 19-Feb-14 19:47:06

Best conclusion to a story ever.

SeptemberFlowers Wed 19-Feb-14 19:24:59

Wee update

Smoker is a MN'er grin

NS came back from lunch in a huff and started sniping.

Smoker rolled her eyes and ignored her, it continued for an hour then Smoker went to HR and explained.

NS has had a verbal warning and is pulling the "Woe is me" act. But has stopped making comments to Smoker.

Funny how Smoker has started to use an e cig and NS had a Slimming World magazine appear on her desk shock

Pimpf Mon 17-Feb-14 22:37:24

I don't think I've ever seen so much support for a smoker!

WorraLiberty Mon 17-Feb-14 22:31:43

Alpaca you should have said you saw it on Gold grin

mumminio Mon 17-Feb-14 22:22:19

What happened next?!

AlpacaPicnic Mon 17-Feb-14 21:59:54

I completely get why the smoker snapped. Non smoker was in the wrong and started it so nerrrrrrr

I used to work with a woman who constantly tried to belittle me for being 'young' things like mentioning programmes that used to be on and turning to me and saying ' you won't know what I'm on about, it was before your time'
It sounds silly but it was the way she said it, like I couldn't have heard of anything before I was born. Oh how I longed to do the same to her but mention new things and say 'you won't know what I'm talking about, you're too old' but I didn't have the balls to do it!

TheFarSide Mon 17-Feb-14 21:48:22

Also supporting the smoker - sounds like she just snapped. Any sensible HR department would realise that she had been provoked.

harriet247 Mon 17-Feb-14 21:33:53

She deserved it. Truth hurts on both sides.

grimbletart Mon 17-Feb-14 21:28:22

I'm a lifelong non smoker and hate smoking, but definitely on the smoker's side here.

Non-smoker was essentially being a bully by trying to embarrass her colleague and the way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. She deserved everything she got.

HarpyFishwifeTwat Mon 17-Feb-14 18:53:44

I'm a fatty who loves snacking and have never touched a cigarette in my life. Definitely on the side of the smoker, perhaps she shouldn't have snapped but there's only so much crap you can take from people without replying.

Is non-smoker always such a rude bitch?

Smoker was, of course, correct.

However, I wouldn't have said it.

You are right - NS-colleague shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it. And you did the right thing by giving a bystander's account of it all to,your manager.

As someone who is obese, and whose diet is not good, I can sympathise with the hurt that NS is feeling, but I wouldn't be making the sort if comments she's been making to the smoker.

I'm with smoker. And I say that as a reformed smoker grin

SantanaLopez Mon 17-Feb-14 18:49:03

A MN thread on the side of the smoker, who would have thought grin

ComposHat Mon 17-Feb-14 18:48:02

The smoker was restrained. I fear my response in similar situations would have been along the lines of 'fuck off fatty.'

yummystepford Mon 17-Feb-14 18:45:15

Alcohol abusers and hard drug addicts get more sympathy than smokers, even though smoking is the most addictive substance and legal. Be tolerant of everyone except smokers, oh and don't tell the fat chick she eats too much! It's a fair response, if you can't take it don't dish it out!

Joysmum Mon 17-Feb-14 18:42:26

I'm with the smoker. I always say that you should treat others how you wish to be treated yourself. So if this woman thought it ok to make personal comments, she should expect the same back.

this coming from both an ex smoker and ex obese woman

NeonMuffin Mon 17-Feb-14 18:10:46

The things is the obese are a far bigger drain on NHS resources than smokers are, so the NS was being a hypocrite and a patronising one to boot.

I'm a non smoker btw.

pettybetty Mon 17-Feb-14 18:02:48

Also, doubly mean as she had that last crack at NSC about the salad.

pettybetty Mon 17-Feb-14 17:59:17

I think if I was the SC, I would not have said something like that about someone else's weight, as one is clearly a lot more personal than the other. Yes they are annoying ongoing comments, but something NSC may have felt was ok between friends if there had been no complaint til now. Some people don't feel 'atmosphere' and are a bit obtuse.

I would have said something like "can you stop making constant remarks on my personal choices, or is it ok to do the same with you?" It would still get the point across and warn her off as she would probably understand what I was getting at, but could pretend not to, iyswim?

I do think that SC was really mean, and if this had been happening over a period of time (days, weeks), then she had plenty of time to come up with a suitable retort that didn't involve a nuclear bomb, which she has in effect detonated.

bragmatic Mon 17-Feb-14 14:59:13

I'm glad I don't work in HR anymore. This is the sort of shit that would take an entire afternoon and a box of tissues to sort out.

FoxesRevenge Mon 17-Feb-14 14:53:49

Vegetarians you get a double whammy with this one. Fat bashing and smoker bashing grin

The only time I would have an issue with smokers is if they're unfairly taking up work time to smoke and not working it back or when they're breathing their freshly fagged breath directly onto me. Apart from that, they can do whatever they want.

And the only time I would have an issue with 'fat' colleagues is when they don't share their treats with me. That's just pure selfish that is.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken Mon 17-Feb-14 14:50:01

Oh good, I was a bit worried it had been a day forever since the last fat bashing thread!

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