AIBU to think one of my co-workers has a point ?

(94 Posts)
SeptemberFlowers Mon 17-Feb-14 11:22:40

I work in a small team and one of my colleagues smokes, she'll nip out in the morning and have one followed by an afternoon one, however she is always at work early to cover the extra break time.

One colleague said to her this morning "Off for another death stick ? You should try quitting you know, you're doing your health no favours." Smoker colleague has tried a few times but non smoker colleague is always making a comment or two, I feel it's none of our business. She's a grown woman who makes her own choices.

This morning after non smoker colleague said that, smoker snapped back. "How about you stop snacking on all the junk food and crap that you eat ? You are doing you're health no favours you know, I hear Weight Watchers is good." Then she left.

Colleague sat their stunned and quite promptly burst into tears. She is morbidly obese (she tells the whole office this fact so it's not me being unkind).

A small part of me feels actually that smoker has a point, why is it ok for non smoker to make comments but as soon as shoe is on the other foot it's bullying ? (non smoker wants to complain for bullying now)

Over to the MN jury !

Non smoker is being silly for thinking about making a complaint, she had it coming if she frequently has a dig at smoking colleague.

Good for smoker woman I say.

Triliteral Mon 17-Feb-14 11:27:01

Your obese colleague hasn't a leg to stand on if she feels she has been bullied. Sounds to me like your smoker colleague's comments were entirely similar to the ones she made herself. Hopefully when she calms down, she might realise she was out of order.

DustyBaubles Mon 17-Feb-14 11:27:04

Meh. If she can't take a perfectly honest response, the tearful one should keep her rather dull opinions to herself.

I say that as someone who has never smoked. Preachy people are tiresome, especially when they bleat about 'bullying' the minute their idiocy is pointed out.

I agree completely. Unless she's blowing smoke into your non-smoking colleague's face it's not of the latter's business and she should have kept her opinions to herself.

minibmw2010 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:27:50

It's not really on for either of them to make such personal comments, but I do understand why colleague A has finally snapped at colleague B. It may make colleague B a bit kinder in future. If she does haul Colleague A up for bullying, she had better be prepared to have the same accusation lobbed straight back at her.

CSIJanner Mon 17-Feb-14 11:28:09

I'm on the edge here - if she just inserted in tit for tat words verbatim, I would have said the smoke colleague WBU. however she inserted the weight watchers remark. Does NSC (non smoker colleague) at junk & crap at work? The thing is, both colleagues will probably be reprimanded as both A&E made personal comments that don't effect work at the moment.

The fall out however will

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs Mon 17-Feb-14 11:28:43

YANBU OP - am mentally cheering the smoker on. Why should she have to put up with irritating preaching? Sounds like the over-eater can't take her own medicine.

CSIJanner Mon 17-Feb-14 11:29:04

*have not A&E

Why does my spellcheck keep doing that!!

shakinstevenslovechild Mon 17-Feb-14 11:29:14

The smoker did have a point, and made it well. Non smoker should have kept her nose out. She might think on next time.

teacher123 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:30:25

I agree. I was a smoker for years and got mega pissed off with people who made comments about it. If she's getting her work done and noone's having to cover for her in her breaks then it's no one else's business.

KellyElly Mon 17-Feb-14 11:30:27

Hopefully everyone has learnt a lesson here. Keep annoying personal comments in your own head!

Morgause Mon 17-Feb-14 11:30:40

She should take it on the chin. If she can't take it she shouldn't dish it out.

angelos02 Mon 17-Feb-14 11:32:20

Good on the smoker. I totally understand why B retaliated in the way they did. I don't know the statistics but would imagine being obese is at least as unhealthy as smoking.

DustyBaubles Mon 17-Feb-14 11:34:22

By the way OP, I hope you are not 'there, there-ing' the tearful one.

I'd have no hesitation in pointing out that she was unreasonable with her comments in the first place.

I hate people like that, happy to dish it out but not happy to be on the receiving end! She won't have a leg to stand on, if it's something she has said frequently to the smoker then the one time that the smoker responds is not going to be enough to get smoker in trouble. She could easily respond with counter bullying complaints if she wants too.

Innogen Mon 17-Feb-14 11:37:19

I'm on smokers side. Obese lady sounds nosy as fuck.

frugalfuzzpig Mon 17-Feb-14 11:38:43

Does the obese colleague actually eat loads of junk food and crap though, or is the smoker colleague making assumptions?

I'm just wondering really as I don't think it was U of the smoker to snap (I say that as an obese woman who hates smoking BTW)

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 17-Feb-14 11:39:17

Colleague B is one of the many people who can give but cannot take snide comments.

Poor dear. hmm

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 17-Feb-14 11:40:06

Serves her right. What made her decide she had the right to make personal comments and be protected from being responded to in kind?

Someone needs to point out that she had no more right to make the comments she did, and if she had not chosen to do that, she would not have had the reply that she did.

IceNoSlice Mon 17-Feb-14 11:41:59

Smoker was wrong to abuse obese woman but it is understandable after obese ean's comments (which were also wrong). Noone deserves sympathy here. But it could create an atmosphere at work.

Don't get involved OP!

MothratheMighty Mon 17-Feb-14 11:44:11

Doasyouwouldbedoneby.
'Smoker colleague has tried a few times but non smoker colleague is always making a comment or two,'

Obese colleague needled her NS colleague over a period of time, did anyone else in the office say 'Oi, that's not on'?
Did you let her snippy comments go unchallenged?
Why is it different when the smoker retorts? Hoist with her own petard.

MothratheMighty Mon 17-Feb-14 11:45:11

NS colleague

Bugger

Her smoker colleague

OwlCapone Mon 17-Feb-14 11:47:16

So, Overeater regularly makes snippy comments about Smoker's habit, Smoker finally snaps back with a similar comment to Overeater and Overeater thinks she is the one being bullied...?

I am vehemently anti smoking but I'm with Smoker on this one!

pianodoodle Mon 17-Feb-14 11:47:21

I'd like to think I wouldn't have lowered myself to make personal comments back in the smoker's position... but I can't say for sure that I wouldn't have if nagged often enough!

YANBU

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