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To wonder why women continue to bash each other over the SAHM/WOHP thing

(217 Posts)
happyyonisleepyyoni Sun 16-Feb-14 22:07:37

I'm sick of hearing women justify their own life choices by bitching about others. It's nasty and low.

Can't we give each other the benefit of the doubt and accept that in the vast majority of cases, people do what they think is best for their families-whether that means staying at home or working. There is no moral right or wrong here.

The End!

AgentZigzag Sun 16-Feb-14 22:09:52

So you thought you'd set off another one in AIBU? grin

That's not wanting to put an end to it is it?

I've only ever seen any bashing on here, nobody in RL gives a monkeys.

NinjaBunny Sun 16-Feb-14 22:11:31

I work part-time so have a foot in each camp.

wink

I also think that everyone needs to do whatever works for them.

smile

Pigletin Sun 16-Feb-14 22:19:40

oh god, not another one

Dogsmom Sun 16-Feb-14 23:04:28

What does wohp stand for? I guess sahm is 'stay at home Mom' and the w in wohp is 'working' but can't guess the rest.

NinjaCow Sun 16-Feb-14 23:09:49

Does it working out of home? confused

NinjaBunny Sun 16-Feb-14 23:10:07

Working On Hippo Pillows?

confused

Someone has to make them.

wink

Some people like nothing more than to judge others because they need to have their choices validated; it matters not if it's done by people they know, or some randoms on the internet.

Some people like to be keyboard warriors, and love nothing better than to pick a fight with some randoms on the internet.

Some people cannot envision anyone behaving in any way different to how they live their lives, and are happy to show off their ignorance as often as possible.

LoveWine Sun 16-Feb-14 23:16:00

wohp = people who are not raising their children grin

(it's joke, people, a joke)

MrsMagnificent Sun 16-Feb-14 23:25:00

So the answer is to start up yet another thread for the mudslinging to continue?

Yes it's dickish to judge people for being a SAHP or WOHP but it's life. Some people will just continue to do it.

BorcestshireBlue Sun 16-Feb-14 23:27:10

Hell fire - was the last thread not enough for you?

Sillylass79 Mon 17-Feb-14 00:37:10

Very few people post honestly about it. It's all offence and defence and how-very-dare-you.

When I had pfb thought mistakenly MN discussions reflected RL secret angst about it all, now I think in the main most people not that pushed about others' choices or lack of choices unless feeling a bit undecided or unsure in their own current situations.

Sillylass79 Mon 17-Feb-14 00:46:52

Also you get a skewed reporting of reality. People doing v v ordinary 9-5 jobs acting as though working f/t makes them feminist warriors when I know dozens of people doing this, it's by far most common working pattern I come across and none of these RL people seem so... exercised about it.

I know ONE SAHM in RL and she didn't even actively choose it, was made redundant and is retraining via online course so will be working before long.

MistressDeeCee Mon 17-Feb-14 00:50:48

I agree with you OP, I don't see why its even a topic. Silly one-up[(wo)manship. As if where and how you work is all definitive for a woman. Life and fulfilment is about far more than that. Its a silly debate, to me.

Topaz25 Mon 17-Feb-14 00:54:17

I don't think this thread is going to solve the problem somehow. I wouldn't want to stay at home personally but I don't judge people who do.

cerealqueen Mon 17-Feb-14 01:05:42

I've done both - and each time I have justified it to myself, read articles/research which backed up what I was doing at the time. Only discussed it with DP - I just did what was right for me at that time, for my family. Repeat repeat, repeat. And sod anybody else.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning Mon 17-Feb-14 01:13:39

Also you get a skewed reporting of reality

I think this is often the case.

WOHM are high driven career women. They're earning oodles of cash which buy their dc all sorts of extras that benefit them hugely. They're consistently setting a sterling example about independence and financial responsibility, ensuring their dc grow up to be high-achieving adults.

SAHM are the epitome of self-sacrifice. Everything they do is for their dc. They spend their days whipping up home cooked, organic meals and taking their toddlers to museums and art galleries, ensuring their dc grow up to be culturally-aware adults.

I don't think either end of the spectrum is true!

ComposHat Mon 17-Feb-14 01:16:06

tapir

Well put.

It is an issue that seems to exist almost exclusively on these boards.

Some people feel the need to justify everything they do, and when they see someone doing it differently, they see it as an affront.
Some people feel very passionate about their way of life. The stronger your views, the more likely you are to voice them, or challenge someone who says you are wrong.
Those who don't worry about what everyone else is doing will be less likely to weigh in, so you lose the voice of the moderates.

Newyearchanger Mon 17-Feb-14 01:29:37

Is this thread 2?

BlameItOnTheBogey Mon 17-Feb-14 01:39:54

I think people bash each other when they are insecure about their own decision. If you see the SAHM/WOHM debate in that light, then it's possible to empathize a bit more with those who are critical of your choices.

Tailtwister Mon 17-Feb-14 07:43:36

I think people bash each other when they are insecure about their own decision.

Exactly! I've been a SAHM and WOHM mum and don't feel the need to justify either. In an ideal world it would be great if everyone could take 5 or so years out until their children go to school, then work just school hours with no effect on their career. That's not going to happen though is it, so we compromise.

oliviaoctopus Mon 17-Feb-14 07:45:01

I dont really mind, but I find it annoying when sahms are all woe is me its so hard when if there are no sn its really not that bad. I do everything a sahm does and its not that much of a struggle. I see people with 1 or 2 going ohh Im so tired who seem to be in a permanent state of moaning and think hmm

Joysmum Mon 17-Feb-14 08:10:46

One thing I will say is that I've never had my choices ridiculed or belittled by men but women can be vicious sad

I'm a SAHM and have always been very clear to post that there are advantages and disadvantages to being a SAHM and to working mums.

Little in life is cut and dried. I can't think of anything when there are no negatives to any decision made so it's up to us all to do cost/benefit analysis and come to a decision that's best on balance for all those affected.

TwittyMcTwitterson Mon 17-Feb-14 08:24:35

uurgh, i just wrote the longest reply to this and pressed back by accident on my stupid touchscreen iPhone bullshit

anyway, firstly, how you look after your kids is totally up to you! if you want to stay at home, do. If you don't, don't! no one can judge how you live as long as the kids are happy and healthy.

I saw a previous AIBU thread that really annoyed me. Someone usuallyright said something like 'what really annoys me is WOHM who say they do everything a SAHM does but with a full days work in there. Oh no u dont'

I'm pretty sure that magical fairies dont come and do all my cleaning, cooking, ironing etc etc during my working day so yes, we WM do everything you do except look after a kid all day. We just have the evenings and weekends.

From my experience, my SAHM friends have either no DP and claim benefits or a working DP who pays for everything and is financially strained and eternally worried he is not providing enough for his brood. The mothers are stressed to the eyeballs and all they want is a break from DC who are constantly referred to as shitbags. For some their child was their meal ticket and they'll never have to work again. Some do it properly and see raising their child as their full time job and are equally as tired as me at the end of the day and their angels show it.

WMs on the other hand value every second with DC because they feel so tremendously guilty at paying someone else to raise DC.

There is a letter to a SAHM from a WM and vice versa doing the rounds online at the minute, it really is a must read.

My boss has a SAHWife and he is constantly telling me how disgusting it is that i leave my child with a stranger otherwise known as qualified professional all day. A mother should be at home and that i lack any form of maternal instinct as I obviously prefer to be in the workplace. I don't. We just couldnt survive on one wage. I know people do and i know a lot of couples that only earn either what i or DP earn separately but that is not us. His wife has become lazy. She takes the kids to school, watches Jeremy Kyle and loose women and spends his money on gym classes.

Sorry ive rambled a lot but this subject is close to my heart as i get judged outragiously on my decision to work. Most people don't sugar coat it either. I mean, you would come up and call me fat so openly so why is it ok to judge my parenting?

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