To be pissed off with DH acting like a big baby

(54 Posts)
FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 21:55:37

So valentines evening he was meant to be taking me out for dinner. Turns out as has happened before he's booked nothing nowhere has any space as they wouldn't and we end up driving round aimlesslessly and go home with mcdonalds.
We rowed and I said to him I'm so sick of him planning nothing like EVER. Special birthdays he plans nothing. Holidays I've always ever planned. His excuse is 'I'm good at that stuff' (which he's also said about kids birthday parties presents etc). I'm fed up. We've been married ten years in a few weeks and I feel like if I didn't plan EVERYTHING we'd do nothing ever. AIBU to tell him he has to change or I'm offski

WipsGlitter Sun 16-Feb-14 21:58:07

I feel your pain. DH is booking a hotel for us tonight, has to do it at his brothers house because he doesn't "trust the iPad" because I "go on the internet on it" confused

He doesn't seem to understand how to book a hotel and keeps phoning to ask what website to use. I don't give a feck work it out yourself.

LessMissAbs Sun 16-Feb-14 22:01:26

YANBU. A man needs to be able to choose a restaurant. A woman does too, but in this case it was pre-arranged to be his treat. He needs to relearn how to make independent decisions.

Finola1step Sun 16-Feb-14 22:01:47

Tell him that he has a last chance to prove that he can get his act together and plan something nice for you both. Tell him that it is his responsibility to plan a lovely evening for the both for you to celebrate your wedding anniversary. Make it very clear what your expectations are. Then let him get on with it. But do enjoy what he does actually pull off. If he doesn't do anything, tough discussions to be had.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 22:10:38

I feel awful because it's making me feel really resentful of friends with normal happy relationships with husbands who on the surface appear to adore them and always be taking them fancy places and buying them thoughtful gifts for Christmas birthdays anniversaries etc. of course they may have to be TOLD they are going out for dinner and TOLD what presents to buy their wives but who knows

Dancergirl Sun 16-Feb-14 22:16:23

I know it's frustrating but you can't change people.

So he may be rubbish at organising stuff but he's probably good at other stuff that YOU'RE not good at.

kill him

An NT man capable of working full-time is perfectly capable of booking a table at a nice restaurant. It's not rocket science, and even if you find it intimidating, surely you would just get over that to make your beloved wife happy.

I'm really sorry OP. YANBU

No seriously, I'd say it's worth teaching him how, and then you can have expectation. So you won't necessarily have lovely surprises at first, but if you de-bunk the mystery of how these things come into actually, then there's a chance he'll pull his finger out. If not, then kill him.

To be fair, organising a holiday is a bit different -- that's a bit more work and some people will be better at that than others.

But booking a table somewhere? Making a 30-second phone call? No. That is not beyond the capability of your average man.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 22:32:22

Trashcan I'm seriously considering your first suggestion....

Dancergirl Sun 16-Feb-14 22:40:20

OP, what are his good qualities?

FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 22:40:54

He works hard. He's a good dad.

Mim78 Sun 16-Feb-14 22:42:37

My dh can be a bit silly about booking things - sometimes wants to just see what we find and then is surprised when it doesn't go we'll! But on valentines day it's v predictable you will need to book. So yanbu. Also sounds like he has got into a habit of laziness and he needs to know that he has to make the effort from time to time.

Bogeyface Sun 16-Feb-14 22:46:46

I hate it when people do this. It shows a total lack of thought and respect for the other person involved. He promised to take you out and then didnt bother to do anything, so he wasnt really that bothered about whether you had a good night or not. That sucks.

Did you ask him if he had planned anything so he threw you the bone of "I will take you out for dinner" as a way to shut you up? Then did ..... nothing.

I wouldnt be giving him a chance, I would be having a bloody row tbh.

Only1scoop Sun 16-Feb-14 22:47:16

I understand Op it's not a lot to ask really is it? A little thought....

Bogeyface Sun 16-Feb-14 22:48:58

Oh and "But you are better at that than me...." is a pile of shite. Would he get away with saying that at work? No. Would he even try? No. Why not? Because work matters and you dont.

Sorry sad

It's a standing joke in this house that DH has never, ever in 25 years taken me on a date.

He is totally incapable of ringing a restaurant and pretty awful at presents and cards.

This wouldn't matter if he wasn't at work, in his hobby and in holiday packing of non clothes items, the most anally organised person on the planet.

He has a spread sheet of christmas light bulbs, he never forgets a charger or a connecting cable. He has enough spares in his works box to repair anything that could possibly break, but he can't ring a restaurant and organise a table confused

That's a pretty lousy joke, Starball

I hope to god you don't do anything nice for him either

Dancergirl Sun 16-Feb-14 22:56:16

bogeyface there are plenty of things I don't even bother trying hard at because dh is better at doing them than me!

Isn't that what a partnership is about?

FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 22:56:53

I can guarantee we won't make 11 years let alone 25 if he doesn't seriously improve his idle thoughtless ways. I feel for you

Bogeyface Sun 16-Feb-14 22:59:05

dancer

Working to your strengths is one thing, but this is different. He promised to take her out and then did precisely nothing about it. And whats worse, is that I bet he cant see that there is a problem, he took her out, was it his fault that everywhere was booked?

It shows utter thoughtlessness and a total lack of care.

Bogeyface Sun 16-Feb-14 23:01:14

OP, this is just a hunch but is this just the straw that broke the camels back? Thinking of leaving over a non booked VD meal is a bit OTT, so I am guessing that there is much more to this.

dancergirl are you joking?

It's a fucking phone call. I'm sure her husband has made plenty of phone calls in his life, there is no 'trying hard' required.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 16-Feb-14 23:09:17

I think it's a cumulative thing really years of thoughtlessness and me suddenly realising no not all men are like this and I deserve better and don't want to spend my life in an unhappy marriage

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