To get wound up about MN and sleep advice

(387 Posts)
LittleMilla Sun 16-Feb-14 21:00:47

I love MN and will often come on to get advice...can normally count on it for sensible pointers for everything except for sleep.

AIBU to wonder why noone on MN seems to want their children to sleep through the night? I no of noone in RL who co-sleeps - but everyone on MN seems to? And people seem to think it's entorely normal for a 8 month old baby to wake repeatedly through the night.

I just don't get it. So much valuable advice...yet everyone on here seems to go madly soft when it comes to sleep.

Am I the only one?

WillowB Sun 16-Feb-14 21:16:16

Ok slightly different perspective. I would say nearly all of my friends babies and my own slept through by 8 months. My DS was one of the last & he cracked it at about 6 months. I don't think its unreasonable to expect an 8 month old to sleep through.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 16-Feb-14 21:16:19

well some children were left to cry for a little bit in the hope they would self settle and IT DIDN'T WORK

fgs we would all rather get some sleep you know

StickEmUpBigStyle Sun 16-Feb-14 21:17:34

My friend co sleeps. I believe her and her son in 1 bedroom, her dh in another.

ProfessorSkullyMental Sun 16-Feb-14 21:17:51

i co-slept - logistics were we tied the one side of the cot bed (the bars bit) to the side of our bed, dh slept in another room and dd from 7mo old had his side of the bed to herself.. we still do it now when she's poorly.

did she sleep through the night? no, but she was certainly easier to settle as she needed only reach out and i was there to soothe her without moving her around.

neither of my children slept through, my 7yo still rarely goes a full week without waking once, the thing is, he usually wakes between 11 and 1 when dh or i are still awake, so it doesn't disturb us! He is dyspraxic though and has a problem with sleep walking!

HumphreyCobbler Sun 16-Feb-14 21:18:11

But even MY children started to sleep through at some point. Just not when they were babies. The manners analogy is not really that helpful, most children don't have particularly good manners when they are too young to get it, just as most babies don't sleep through until they are old enough to get it.

MigGril Sun 16-Feb-14 21:19:00

well not many 8 month old sleep through the night. I know lots of so called bad sleepers, but I think it's actually totally normal.
I know a few people who cosleep, and we had a bedside cot for DS. But I know that doesn't work for everyone, and cosleeping isn't recommended if your bottle feeding.
I wish I'd been on MN when I had DD she didn't sleep great but I was too scared to cosleep. Wish I'd had more support to, I would have had more sleep then instead of spending hours awake in her room in the middle of the night.

PandaFeet Sun 16-Feb-14 21:19:40

Was I lucky though? Really?

So if a child sleeps through its just luck and has nothing to do with the fucking effort the parent has put in to getting that child to sleep through?

Jesus. I should just give up with this "parenting" malarkey then. I should quit the effort and just wait and see how my kids turn out.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 16-Feb-14 21:19:48

When the baby wakes up we try to get them to go back to sleep! We don't just give up and get up in the middle of the night. We are training them to sleep, it is just that it takes a fair while to work.

Sirzy Sun 16-Feb-14 21:20:02

are people really comparing teaching manners to a child to 'teaching' them to sleep through?

HumphreyCobbler Sun 16-Feb-14 21:20:24

And if you are lucky it happens sooner rather than later, that is where the luck comes in

mrscog Sun 16-Feb-14 21:20:35

Martroshkadoll it depends on the age of the baby/child. When DS was tiny (8 months and under, I would clear my side of the bed of pillows and duvets, making a nice expanse of mattress. I'd then wear a dressing gown to bed and just have a duvet over my waist and DS would be next to me in a sleeping bag or with an extra blanket over him. Once they get to 8/9 months they're big enough just to plonk in with you as they move around tons anyway.

anothernumberone Sun 16-Feb-14 21:20:54

TBH I think a fixation with sleeping though comes from not feeding lying down in bed asleep I know plenty of women who cosleep and I did on my last child, you can sleep almost right though feeds yourself once you get a boob out so baby sleeping through does not matter too much. When I ff the older ones, sleeping through mattered as a bottle took up to 40 minutes to do in the middle of the night feeds and you needed to be wide awake for them.

Sirzy Sun 16-Feb-14 21:21:19

and parents who have children who don't sleep through don't put in effort? Bloody hell this gets better. Do you think they CHOOSE to be up constantly through the night? That they don't try things to help them sleep better?

I really hope nobody struggling with sleep deprivation due to a bad sleeper reads this thread

TheGreatHunt Sun 16-Feb-14 21:21:41

There was a study that showed that 50% of babies were sleeping through by 6 months.

So it's hardly unusual when babies don't.

Wossname Sun 16-Feb-14 21:21:44

My first slept fine, pretty much. Never for 12 hours or past 5.30am, but it was manageable. My second only slept if lying next to me, holding my hand and snuggled into my arm. I cannot tell you how obnoxious I find the mum I know with one 2 month old who now sleeps 12 hours without a night feed, in their own room. 12 hours! And she of course thinks it because she's 'doing it right' and others do it wrong.

God it annoys me grin

treaclesoda Sun 16-Feb-14 21:21:49

Nearly everyone I know in real life has co slept at some point, because it's either that or not sleep at all. When DC were small, we put them in their gro-bag, between us and outside the duvet. I was never worried about rolling over on them because I was very aware of them being there and I'm not a heavy sleeper anyway. DS is a toddler and still sleeps between us a lot of the time. It's not ideal but I'd rather this than spend hours and hours trying to settle him back in his own bed. He'll grow out of it when he doesn't need us as much, and if I'm honest I'll miss it, I love that he feels happiest with us.

Jeregrette Sun 16-Feb-14 21:22:19

Matryoshka doll "How do you do it? Put them on top of the duvet between you both and cover them with a blanket? Or have them under the duvet with you?"

I slept on a futon mattress downstairs (DH upstairs). I had a duvet over me. DD slept under blankets next to me on futon but not under or on duvet. You should never have them under the duvet with you. That's very dangerous (risk of smothering and overheating). I always personally slept very lightly when she was waking me up every hour/two hours or so.

Smartiepants79 Sun 16-Feb-14 21:22:29

I agree to a certain extent.
Within my circle of acquaintances it is not particularly normal for an 8 month old to be waking thru the night.
I do also agree with the co-sleeping thing. I have never met anyone who co-sleeps and No it is not the answer to most people's sleep problems.
However, I would expect most people want their baby to sleep thru but just can't stomach what you have to go thru to get that.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 16-Feb-14 21:23:07

I know Sirzy, I am that person struggling with a bad sleeper grin

Really people, I would bloody LOVE it if my child would sleep all night. Short of leaving them to cry on and on and on and on, what do you suggest?

AgentZigzag Sun 16-Feb-14 21:23:47

Putting the DDs in their cots when they first went down and in with us when they woke up was the best time ever, nothing like it. Not just because they'd go straight back to sleep, but it just felt so right. I reveled in it.

Possibly because of the hormones, but I didn't sleep as deeply when they were babies and always knew they were there or woke up as soon as they stirred.

We have two single duvets and DD2 was in a gro-bag in between us, she stayed there until she was 2/3 YO then went in her own bed no probs.

I'm not sure why me saying what worked for us would wind anyone up though, or why it makes me soft. I enjoyed having them in bed next to me as babies, why would I do anything else just because of what other people have found works for them?

TheGreatHunt Sun 16-Feb-14 21:24:10

I will also add, as smug sleep spokes people get on my tits, that many sleep issues are not caused by parents "who don't want their babies to sleep through" but by factors such as intolerances, reflux, tongue tie which are not widely understood and go undiagnosed.
Having suffered with two non sleepers despite my best efforts I can only say well done to those who had it easy but it was all down to their hard work

Lemonfairydust Sun 16-Feb-14 21:24:28

Erm... Because it IS normal for an 8 month old baby to wake through the night?

What advice from MNers makes you suggest that they don't want babies to sleep through?

I'm going to assume it's because people tend not to immediately suggest CIO? If people want a thread of people telling them to try CIO, then they should say so, not then comment that the advice given is unhelpful because no-one eased their guilt suggesting it

sleepyhead Sun 16-Feb-14 21:24:38

In rl I know many babies who don't sleep through. I'm quite surprised you don't know any.

Mine for one. A textbook 7-7er from around 12 weeks to 23 weeks, and then woke every 2 hours because of teething for a few weeks and now occasionally sleeps through but more often wakes once or twice. Same routine as when he was tiny and no cosleeping. His elder brother didn't have nearly such a good routine and we coslept for the first 6 weeks, but he was sleeping through long before this. Go figure.

My friend with 2yr old twins has one twin who goes 7-7 and the other wakes 2 or 3 times a night. They have a rock solid routine and were in their own room from very early on. Same routine used with their older sister who went 7-7 from 8 weeks. Again, go figure.

We'd all of us like a good night's sleep. Have a little empathy.

BeeInYourBonnet Sun 16-Feb-14 21:26:10

Totally agree OP.

There are often VERY unhelpful posts about sleep.

And babies waking up multiple times at 8mo is not my experience or that of most mums I know (apart from a couple who have struggled with years of lack of sleep).

I always feel frustrated that there never seems to be anywhere in the middle of GF v cosleeping.

TeacupDrama Sun 16-Feb-14 21:26:29

I am sort of with you OP I would not expect an 8 month old never ever ever to wake but I think most babies do sleep 6-8 hour stretches at least by that age,I only know 2 families in RL that had prolonged sleeping problems my DD slept from 11pm to 5.30-6am when 8 weeks old I know that is highly unusual but most people i know babies were sleeping from 7-8pm to 6am by 6 months the majority of the time

I do not know anyone who co-sleeps as a definite choice from birth to toddler stage, know lots who breast fed and maybe kept baby in bed after 2/3am feed but not that continued co-sleeping past 4-6 months

TBH I think people whose babies did sleep regularly through night keep quiet so not too make other mums feel bad and also to protect themselves from accusations that they must have done Gina ford or controlled crying because it does not happen naturally; or they will have sleep regression etc; when in my opinion with my child it just did happen naturally and carried on that way, this does not mean some children and babies do not have real problems sleeping etc but maybe as with everything else in life positive things are repeated less often if people go to a really good restaurant on average they tell 3 people a bad restaurant they tell 11, same with horrible childbirth stories etc

it's just life you can boast about your child's sporting or music achievements but do not mention they are better than average at maths or any other academic subject

if your child sleeps through night before 6 months, does not projectile vomit; does not need a change of clothes 3-4 times a day just keep quiet

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