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AIBU?

School complaints Yr8

58 replies

chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 19:24

DS1 and 2 of his friends have been very upset by a teacher threatening them at school - they are aware that his threats are empty and meant to be jokes, but are still terrified of going to his lessons (2 of them were in tears one day asking to be kept at home that day as they were so scared)

When I complained, they said that they'd pull all 3 in, hear their side of it, and reassure them that everything is fine.

DS1 came home very upset - he'd been pulled out of his maths lesson to be told off for telling tales. The school thinks they shouldn't tell us what has happened, and that they will be punished if they continue to 'tell tales on teachers'

The school said to me they wouldn't do anything unless I put in a formal complaint, but that if I did that I'd have to make a public apology if the complaint procedure decided that the kids weren't being bullied!

AIBU to be really upset about this?

OP posts:

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bodygoingsouth · 10/02/2014 19:28

don't understand. the lads are 13? the teacher made threats as a joke the kids know it was a joke but they are terrified??

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/02/2014 19:32

They can't make to do a public apology, and I'd love to see any complaints procedure that tried. Worrying that they are telling children not to tell their parents if something has frightened it upset them.

would speak to the school abd see what their side of the story ( not through the filter of a thirteen year old ) is?

Peekingduck · 10/02/2014 19:32

p.m. me the name of the school. I will treat it in strictest confidence. I'll have a look and see if I can find their complaints policy to check this out.
No school complaints policy can state that someone will be forced to make a public apology if their complaint isn't upheld.

bodygoingsouth · 10/02/2014 20:01

sorry still don't understand the op. why are they scared if they know it's a joke? sorry if missing something here.

chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 20:14

The specific punishment they knew were threatened with is not likely to happen.. They felt they were likely to be punished in some way... and that he may follow through on the 'joke' threat. It was a 'if you dont do X i eill make you do Y' threat. Based on army punishments. Teacher is ex-army

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HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 20:17

"Teacher is ex-army"

Designed to enforce discipline and build character

Will he make them do push ups?

OpalQuartz · 10/02/2014 20:21

I think it's possible for someone to be intimidating while dressing it up as "just joking." The making you do a pubic apology threat is bonkers. It doesn't sound like a nice school at all!

bodygoingsouth · 10/02/2014 20:29

mmm children should feel safe at school even if they are in trouble.

sounds wierd. you may need to see the head and governors. put it in writing

HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 20:32

But Gove wants soldiers in to enforce discipline. What does he expect them to do?

Ragwort · 10/02/2014 20:32

Take it up with the governors - although if it is anything like the school my DS attends you have no idea who the governors are - I thought all schools had to have a section on the website about governors?

I've just voted for a parent governor, no idea who I am voting for apart from a short paragraph they wrote about themselves. (And I don't mean to sound unkind about school governors, my DH was one for a number of years).

bodygoingsouth · 10/02/2014 20:34

strong make role models can be fantastic for lads and girls but they should make them feel safe and teach boundaries and respect. not fear.

Sparkletshirt · 10/02/2014 20:44

So they're threatening you and the children? I'd write to Ofsted and the governors explaining you expect your children to be educated, not threatened and bullied by the person who's supposed to know better and set examples about manners, principles and decency. If you can't find their complaints procedure ask for it and writing and add this to your complaint as well.

What was the punishment? Was it humiliating - undressing, physical abuse, cleaning a toilet with a tooth brush? Make it clear you want them to be able to phone you at any time if they want you to pick them up. That is not on treating children, or yourself, in such a bullying manner.

HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 20:49

"The school said to me they wouldn't do anything unless I put in a formal complaint, but that if I did that I'd have to make a public apology if the complaint procedure decided that the kids weren't being bullied!"

Please - a complaint should be investigated. Do they expect you to stand in assembly and apologise?

Mojang · 10/02/2014 20:54

Is this a private school? That's the only way i can think it might be "ok" for them to insist on the apology.

tethersend · 10/02/2014 20:59

I'm more concerned by the fact that the children were told off for speaking to their parents and 'telling tales'. This flies in the face of safeguarding advice- children should never be encouraged to keep secrets from their parents, least of all by trusted adults.

HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 21:01

I cannot believe a school would tell a child not to "tell tales on their teacher".

I think the school should put that in writing - and then you take that to OFSTED.

chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 21:02

Worrying that they are telling children not to tell their parents if something has frightened it upset them

YY Hopalong, this is what is really upsetting me.

I think it's possible for someone to be intimidating while dressing it up as "just joking."

Exactly Opal - that's exactly how I'm reading it.

Sparkle - it was cleaning with a toothbrush - you've obviously watched the same army films. :)

He makes them do press-ups and I don't mind that Holly!

I do mind him getting the other kids to gang up on him, or telling him that he can make their lives difficult in such a way that they'd have no evidence to tell the parents.

and I'm fuming that he's been told off for 'accusing an innocent teacher', without any checking to see if the teacher is innocent.

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HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 21:03

"He makes them do press-ups and I don't mind that Holly! "

Is that as a punishment or as part of PE?

Is he a PE teacher?

chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 21:07

how did you guess Holly?

Yes, as a punishment. But then it's in the context of a PE lesson, so I'm not bothered (although they have to do that if they correct him when he calls a child by the wrong name). Bad jokes are punishable by press-ups. Personally I thought that was quite funny.

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chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 21:10

ooh - sorry Mojang - nope, not a private - bog standard state school...

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HollyMiamiFLA · 10/02/2014 21:11

Sounds like someone is trying to be an Army PE teacher in a secondary school.

At what point does he forget he's actually a secondary teacher and reverts to Army mode?

chaosmonkey · 10/02/2014 21:11

DS1 now wants mumsnet to give permission for him to have a day off school for his traumas. I am laughing and sending him to bed.

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Logg1e · 10/02/2014 21:15

This is worrying.

I would write to the head and chair of governors and ask to see the school's complaint procedure because you want to clarify:
a) the bit about parents having to make a public apology.
b) the punishment for any student "telling tales" on a teacher.
c) what teacher behaviours come under such tale-telling and what would be a child-protection issue.

Mojang · 10/02/2014 21:17

When my dc get caught it in a lie they often claim to be "only joking" I tell them something only qualifies as a joke if it'sfunny...

I am possibly the least publicity seeking person in the world but really I think this is one for the local paper.Certainly tell the school that's what you intend to do.

tethersend · 10/02/2014 21:17

"or telling him that he can make their lives difficult in such a way that they'd have no evidence to tell the parents."

Ok, this is a serious safeguarding concern and If it's not resolved, I would consider complaining to the LEA and Ofsted.

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