hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

(494 Posts)
mummywithsmiles Mon 10-Feb-14 17:19:45

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

cariadmawr Mon 10-Feb-14 17:22:48

Ds1 is almost 21 could stay as long as he wants and always say when he leaves its still home he's welcome home any time
I've been married 22 yrs but still say my mams is home

chrome100 Mon 10-Feb-14 17:23:51

I think 20 tops. 32?! That's far too old to live at home.

I think 20 tops.

In this day and age? LOLZ.

Preciousbane Mon 10-Feb-14 17:25:35

Well as much as I love DS I would not be best pleased if he is still living at home in his late twenties.

Both myself and my DH lived in shared housing with others. He went to uni so left at 18, I didn't go in to full time education and left home a couple of weeks after my 21st birthday. I got a mortgage with my ex and when we broke up I lived in various shared houses.

My brothers are 29 and 26 and both still live at home with no intentions of moving out.

I think that is more to do with the fact that my mother still does everything for them and they get to keep most of their wages!

madmomma Mon 10-Feb-14 17:27:09

Hmm I think I'd get a bit twitchy around the 25 mark personally

mummywithsmiles Mon 10-Feb-14 17:27:15

But why ? I'm generally curious . I have a baby and I'm not planning on going any where for a while any way. If there is no need then why is it seen as a need to move out.
I moved out , I just moved bk and it would be impossible to move out but I don't mind as its perfectly ok for us , I just feel there is so much pressure

whois Mon 10-Feb-14 17:27:17

All families and circumstances are different.

A present 28 year old helping financially and around a large house with plenty of space would be nicer to have around that a 19 year old with a foul attitude and cramped accommodation.

Why are you all still at home though? You are all quite old? Lack of desire to be independent? Like your creature comforts and wouldn't want to live somewhere not as nice? Like having your washing done for you?

I think it's strange when people want to stay at home for so long. I found it a natural progression to want to love apart from my parents (and I get on v well with them) and think loving in a house share is a god thing to do.

If they go to Uni then I expect they will need to come back for the breaks so they should be sorting out their own place by 21 really. If they don't go to Uni I expect they would want to strike out on their own a bit earlier than that.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Mon 10-Feb-14 17:28:09

20 ish. Unless there was a genuine reason ie. doing an unpaid internship, or perhaps saving for a deposit (but they would have to be REALLY saving). Or if they were older and their marriage broke down or similar, of course they could come back while they find their feet. But that's it. Tbh, I'd be a bit disappointed if they wanted to stay at home.

But it does seem to be getting more normal these days and my two are little, so who knows?

KarmaVersusGeorgeOsbourne Mon 10-Feb-14 17:28:38

I think it depends. A child could move out at 18 but circumstances could mean they would have to move back home at 30. I would rather my adult child moved back in with me for a while if they were really stuck, rather than see them in a shitty hostel or something.

But living at home in your late 20s/30s, just because it's convenient, and never having lived anywhere else? That's a bit unhealthy really. I love my parents to bits, we get on really well and I see them lots, but I left home at 19 and would have no wish to live with them now!

Any age, but there'd have to be some renegotiating in terms of money, chores, how to coexist in one place, once they were past full-time education age.

I would hope they were in a situation where they could move out by 30, because I think it's good experience for life. But I wouldn't make them.

jacks365 Mon 10-Feb-14 17:29:30

20 tops? My dd is at uni and still classed as living at home although she is in student accommodation but she won't even qualify till she's 23 then needs to fund a job etc that can support her living completely independently so I think it's down to each person to decide what's right for them.

bearleftmonkeyright Mon 10-Feb-14 17:30:44

grin at wanting to love apart from parents. That's the biggest reason of all to move out!

pussycatdoll Mon 10-Feb-14 17:30:45

Because you need to be independent
Pay your own way
Do your own shopping , cleaning , pay the bills
Even if you give your fair share you're still not managing the household accounts etc

wannabestressfree Mon 10-Feb-14 17:30:53

It's up to individual choice clearly. There are four of us and we all moved out by early twenties, I was 18 in fact. I would hope my own sons were living independently by the time they were mid twenties.
My mum has always offered her house as a stop gap if someone was moving or relationship breaks down but I don't think she would encourage long term habitation. smile
I wonder why at 32 your sister is still there? I am not convinced that's healthy.....

mummywithsmiles Mon 10-Feb-14 17:32:14

My reasons are slightly diff to sisters as I have a new baby and she isn't v well we have our own room here and I have the support of mum and sisters.

I guess as well as that .. Money and probably the same for my sisters money is the main reason for them and also there is no need. Housing is limited when you need help.. Why would I go to the housing etc when I have a bedroom and a roof. But I know other people who would be right down the housing office.
Also company too what's the difference of living in a shared house.

Bearfrills Mon 10-Feb-14 17:32:42

I think I'd probably be a bit confused if my DC were still at home aged 32 but if you're all happy living together and it works for you then go for it.

I wouldn't mind them living here while they were at uni/getting established in a career/saving up/whatever they wanted to do and this will always be there home, I they ever needed a place to go (e.g., relationship breakdown) I wouldn't turn them away, but by some time in their mid-20's I'd be encouraging them to start flat hunting grin

When I was a kid my brother and I were friends with this brother and sister the same age as us who lived around the corner. Now we're all adults, my brother and I have left home and live with our respective partners/children while this other brother and sister are still at home. Neither of them work (although their parents do), they've never dated anyone and they still have a curfew and rules and their mum does all their laundry, cooking and clothes shopping. I find that a bit weird because its like they're still children. When we got back in touch a while ago I asked the sister if she wanted to go for a coffee one afternoon and she said she'd have to check with her parents to see if it was okay!

Luckily though they're only 4yo, 2yo and still-in-the-womb so I've got plenty of time to enjoy them still smile

Bearfrills Mon 10-Feb-14 17:33:03

*Luckily my DC are only

MrsKoala Mon 10-Feb-14 17:33:35

18/19 to go to Uni/work/travelling. I wouldn't expect them back after that. I think it's really unhealthy to stay living at home into adulthood.

pussycatdoll Mon 10-Feb-14 17:34:01

Surely a 32 year old would have saved up enough to get their own place
My concern would be that they spent all their disposable income instead of saving because it's easier to live off mum & dad
I'd want my children to get on the property ladder or rent

NatashaBee Mon 10-Feb-14 17:34:11

I would prefer my children to break out and have their own lives, I think it's a bit unhealthy to still be at home in late 20s. What happens if you want to have a partner stay over or have friends over? Having said that, i'm sure it will happen more and more since house prices are so ridiculous and it's hard to secure a mortgage.

mummywithsmiles Mon 10-Feb-14 17:34:33

I've decided maybe I'm just weird ha ... I reckon if my sisters moved out I wouldn't even think about moving out, I would probably raise my daughter here

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Mon 10-Feb-14 17:34:50

I think independence is important.

you often see that people stay in parent child mode. With parents trying to control their adult offspring and offspring behaving like children. You can see situations where the grandparents override the parent or take a parental role and demote the parent to sibling status iyswim.
you have adults who cant even decide anything about the home they live in. Not carpet, curtain, sofa, nothing.
then no matter how much board they pay (often none) they have simply NO idea how to budget, juggle or indeed list all of the bills, expenses and responsibilities of being an adult running your own home.
curfiews, sitting with your parents, having them look at you if you want to change anything because its Their House, not being free to throw a party, have friends round, swap the positions of the chairs!
Just a million things, some important and many trivial that when seen as a whole, make you realise just how much it matters that a person is in charge of their own home.

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