To be annoyed with father in law (sorry a bit long but I needed to vent)

(82 Posts)
Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:24:27

Basically the issues started when my dd was born (9 months now) .

My father in law took it upon himself to take my newborn baby out of my arms on so many occasions that my dh had to tell him he was making me claustrophobic and that as a new mother I was very protective .He acted like a massive child and wouldn't speak to my dh for a couple of days after this .i didn't say anything myself as I thought this would cause more issues.

It calmed down slightly over the next couple of months but now every time we visit dh's parents fil takes dd away to another room to play with her by himself ! Nothing untoward at all just strange and quite rude ! Mil is lovely and will chat away to me and as such misses out on time with dd as fil seems obsessed!

Things came to a head yesterday when he actively took her to a different room when I walked in ! My dh knows it bothers me and he hates that I feel this way and that fil does this . He emotionally blackmails dh quite a lot which I absolutely hate !

Am I being completely unreasonable to resent this?

theborg Mon 10-Feb-14 10:27:54

I find it all a bit weird tbh, surely he can play in the same room with her.

purplebaubles Mon 10-Feb-14 10:28:08

Personally I would tell FIL myself. Just be straight with him.

Can't get any worse than it is, surely?!

fuzzywuzzy Mon 10-Feb-14 10:28:09

I don't think you are and I find it bizarre that he'd want to take her to a completely separate room to play with her as well.

I'd say play here and tip out toys for her in the room so everyone gets to be a apart of it.

justmuddlingalong Mon 10-Feb-14 10:28:43

Did your DH say something yesterday, you say it came to a head?

LucyLasticBand Mon 10-Feb-14 10:28:58

i would feel uncomfortable. why is it necessary to go to another room? doesnt your mil want to see her too

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:29:40

Exactly ! Yesterday there was another baby there and everyone chatting in one room
But apparently that wasn't enough ! It feels like a possessive thing to me but then again maybe I'm just ring over protective . My parents are so careful not to step on dh's toes as well I'd appreciate the same from him!

theborg Mon 10-Feb-14 10:29:53

I mean my parents went in other room with dd to show her something or take her to show her things in the garden but they wouldn't actively have taken her from me to play in the other room.

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:30:48

Yes mil would love to see her but she's so polite and doesn't seem to say anything to him ! If it were my dh I'd tell him to
Wise up

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:32:06

theborg my parents are the same And that doesn't bother me at all .

The whole thing has started to make me hate going there at all

LucyLasticBand Mon 10-Feb-14 10:32:16

you need to say, dont HOG her, we all want to play

LucyLasticBand Mon 10-Feb-14 10:32:35

is he being difficult on purpose?

Rosieliveson Mon 10-Feb-14 10:33:21

I remember your previous posts. Strange man!!

I think I'd stop letting FIL hold her. Or when he has her and gets up tell him not to leave the room. If he still goes, follow him or suggest DH goes too.

It seems like a power thing. He appears to want to be in control. Make it clear to him that you are not happy and you are in control when it comes to DD.

If he continues, only have then visit at your house so you have more control.

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:34:07

Dh did not say anything , he's even less confrontational than me which is saying something . But you're right I think
I'll have to say something next time it's just so awkward , I've never seen a man that age behave so
Like a child .

Thanks for your replies

justmuddlingalong Mon 10-Feb-14 10:34:07

Has your Dh said anything to his Df?

EatsCakeForNoReasonWhatsoever Mon 10-Feb-14 10:34:31

Definitely weird.

CadleCrap Mon 10-Feb-14 10:35:00

YANBU
Can you go into the same room as FIL, so basically follow him?

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:35:08

Justmuddlingalong - not since dd was about 1 month. His fil reacted so badly dh got really upset .

LucyLasticBand Mon 10-Feb-14 10:35:16

may be you shoudl let it go, and he will stop. he is being childish. let it pass - Ignore this bad behaivour, like you would in a child.

oldgrandmama Mon 10-Feb-14 10:35:37

NOT acceptable at all. Almost a bit creepy, sorry. Make him stop it, even if he does then have massive sulks.

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:36:09

Cadlecrap - I did do that yesterday and he said 'come on dd lets go in here' and walked out !!

LucyLasticBand Mon 10-Feb-14 10:36:23

either that, or the whole lot of you join him in the other room.

Karlii1991 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:36:54

Hi Nocturne123,

If I'm honest I think I'd get quite irritated by this as well. I don't think you have been unreasonable at all I know how annoying IL's can be and you just have to sit there biting your tongue ... HARD!

Maybe you could talk with your partner and maybe come up with a resolution to approach your FIL rationally or, you could talk to your MIL about it if you get on quite well or, maybe you could use it to your advantage and arrange for your IL's to look after your DD for a few hours here and there, maybe this will discourage the 'alone' time?

Although they are your IL's sometimes you do have to speak up, remember you have feelings too and they are just as important and if you no longer feel comfortable with this situation, it's time for you to voice your opinion calmly.

Hope things get better! smile

Funnyfoot Mon 10-Feb-14 10:37:31

Gently but clearly remind him when you next visit that she is your daughter. You do not appreciate him removing her from your care at every opportunity and from now on you prefer her to remain in the same room as you and DH.
You need not give any further information.
Try handing her straight to mil when you arrive and if he attempts to take her say fil leave her with nanny for a bit, she loves cuddles with nanny.
He will probably have a strop but tbh he will strop no matter how you handle the situation.

Nocturne123 Mon 10-Feb-14 10:38:27

I have tried to let it go but it really gets to
Me . It does need to stop . I just need to pick the right time to say something . I never expected this to be an issue when I had a baby! Dc2 on the way as well .. So it'll have to stop before they're born !

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