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Well I do have a child and it is a Tuesday afternoon...

(142 Posts)
BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 08:49:23

A friend invited me to meet her tomorrow afternoon as she is off work.

I was quite happy to get the invite as I haven't seen her in some time. Explained I would (obviously) have DD with me and did she fancy a late lunch?

I got a response saying she would rather just meet for a couple of glasses of wine (it is at 2pm). I have no problem having a glass of wine or 2 with food but it really doesn't sit too comfortably with me to just go a meet to share a bottle of wine. It means taking my DD somewhere strapping her into a highchair and then expect her to sit there for a couple of hours with a colouring book or jigsaw. She 2.5 and to be honest it'll be bloody boring for her.

Have replied saying that it would be a bit boring for DD but I know a place we could get coffee close to where I was going to meeting her, it has a play corner for the kids which means we could catch up (like she wants) and DD can play. Win, win?

No apparently not. She has replied with "forget it".

I get that my friend doesn't have children and her idea of fun isn't going to soft play or going to the local farm so I wouldn't suggest it. AIBU to be pissed that she doesn't recognise that if she wants to meet during the week I will have DD with me and it isn't fair to expect my DD to sit quietly while I tuck into a bottle of wine chatting to my friend.

I am pretty pissed off that she neglects to accept that my life has changed. I can't do the things she wants me to do all the time. If she had sent a text saying "fancy a girly night out" I would have happily arranged for my Mum to babysit one night.

WIBU to just do as she said and "forget it" because I am annoyed or should I really go back and say something like "how about I sort a babysitter for 2-3 weeks time and we go out for a proper catch up?"

Also AIBU to not want to take my DD to the pub? (If I am I still wont change my mind to be honest but would be good to know)

AwfulMaureen Mon 10-Feb-14 08:52:49

YANBU of course. I don't mind taking DDs to the pub in the day for lunch...but drinks at 2.00 would not attract me...I would spend the rest of the day with a muzzy head and not manage well at all.

Some people I know would be fine with that...it depends on your relationship with alcohol really. She's a bit unreasonable to be so rude. I would leave it if I were you....just don't reply.

yolothankgod Mon 10-Feb-14 08:53:02

I'd forget it & her .

And yanbu to not want to take your Dd to a bar so you can drink wine , i would never do that

She could come to yours? Tbh she sounds like a but of a bitch but im a loud mouth so id tackle it.

Nanny0gg Mon 10-Feb-14 08:55:45

If her response really was a simple 'Forget it.', then I'd do just that.
And not bother any further.

How rude.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 10-Feb-14 08:56:44

YANBU. If she wants to meet without your DD then she should have said something like "let me know when's a good time for you to get a baby sitter, and we'll meet up for a drink".

I would not take my 2 year old to the pub either, unless for a meal.

Only1scoop Mon 10-Feb-14 08:56:55

You could still have lunch at the bar even if she has already eaten....if its a nice place I'd take dd with me definately.

Seminyak Mon 10-Feb-14 09:01:35

I'd not reply to her 'forget it', then let her make the next contact. Would be awkward for her to come crawling back.

But I am mean.

YANBU, Why cant she just come to you, she can bring wine if she fancies a drink and your DD will have her toys to keep her amused. I have no problem drinking with children but your DD is at the age when she will be bored really quickly and it will be no fun for either of you.

'Such a shame that you've said forget it. If you want to go out in the evening email me and I will arrange a babysitter. If you want to go out during the day I will have dd with me and she will need to be somewhere child friendly or she will be bored shitless and put us off our lunch. Let me know when you're free'.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 09:05:22

She can't come to mine. She is only free for 2 hours and I live an hour out of town. I just feel like she isn't really recognizing that I have a different set of responsibilities now.

I get the feeling something is maybe going on and she wants to chat about it but it is very difficult to have a proper adult conversation without being constantly interrupted when you have a toddler there anyway.

I would interpret that as you were an excuse for afternoon drinking, rather than catching up with you was the purpose of meeting up!

How odd. Is she having a rough time? Maybe she wanted to talk about something and drown her sorrows, hence the pissy attitude when your DD was priority not her.

It's still not on though.

SavoyCabbage Mon 10-Feb-14 09:08:53

I'd text 'glad to' but I'm a right cow.

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Feb-14 09:12:22

Wow. I'll come with you to the farm or the soft play of an afternoon!

Sounds awesome.

YANBU she sounds selfish

brokenhearted55a Mon 10-Feb-14 09:13:08

If she's having issues how about an evening call?

Damnautocorrect Mon 10-Feb-14 09:14:03

She may not have little people but surely she realises you'll have a better time if little ones happy, busy and occupied?!

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Mon 10-Feb-14 09:14:22

Neither of you were being U until her reply.

'Forget it'?? Rude. RUDE!!

I would just not reply. At all. And when she texted to find out why, I'd be telling her that is forgotten all about it, just as I was rather rudely ordered to.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Mon 10-Feb-14 09:14:56

That I'D forgotten all about it...

bodygoingsouth Mon 10-Feb-14 09:16:49

she's having a tantrum for your attention op. hilarious and best ignored.

if she wants to see you she will crawl back otherwise best leave it as you have moved on.

Only1scoop Mon 10-Feb-14 09:19:10

I agree the 'forget it' was rude but until then her suggestion <although not strictly child friendly> wouldn't have worried me at all.
I'd have been happy to accept her invite....probably would have grabbed some lunch whilst there though.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 09:31:15

It's not that the invite worried me. I just don't think it's fair to trail my DD on an hours bus journey to sit in a pub for 2 hours to sit for another hour going home. I had figured we could meet for lunch and go for a wee walk about after lunch or something.

Maybe I am being a bit unreasonable, I maybe would have considered just going and ordering my DD some lunch and then going for a walk just the two of us after but I'm now quite pissed with her attitude.

I just don't understand how she doesn't realise that I can't just drop DD to accommodate her on a whim. She only text me yesterday so it isn't like we had been planning to meet for ages and I spring on her at last minute DD will be there.

MrsKoala Mon 10-Feb-14 09:33:07

I wouldn't respond after that and let her make the next contact. How childish 'i want to drink wine or NOTHING' type tantrum. I had a couple of friends like this who would only meet for an all day session in the pub when i was pregnant. If i wanted to see them i'd have to sit watching them get pissed and listening to their slurring repetitive tales and 'holding' the table while they spent most of the time outside smoking. Oddly enough i realised i didn't really want to see them that much anymore!

flipchart Mon 10-Feb-14 09:38:02

To be honest when I was in my 20's and had no plans whatsoever to have children I really didn't get how difficult it was for other people with young children. I found myself thinking that they were boring at giving up the great lifestyle we had. ( of course I learned different by the time I was in my 30's with two kids)

Maybe it's just that, she doesn't quite comprehend why you can't drop everything.

BridgetJonesPants25 Mon 10-Feb-14 09:40:16

Also with regards to an evening phone call. I have tried ringing her a few times, rarely get a response. When she does phone it always tends to be from the inside of a very noisy pub at 11pm on a Sat night and I can barely hear her or understand her

I appreciate life goes on for friends after you've had a child. I was 22 when I had DD so really one of the first out of my friends. But if the courtesy of keeping in touch can't be extended to me then I do think why should I bend over backwards to accommodate you when you do decide it suits you?

I'm in a bit of a bitchy mood towards her since that text tbh. I just feel it works both ways but she wants it all her way really.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Mon 10-Feb-14 09:42:50

I think you are right to be pissed at her attitude. She wouldn't say that to your face but on text it's ok.

Phone her up. I would. You offered alternatives that cover all things. She needs to think outside herself. Don't be her bitch. Rotten woman.

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