...not to apologise for this?

(33 Posts)
lonelyredrobin Sun 09-Feb-14 18:38:07

[I posted this post earlier today on the Relationships board but wanted to get a few more views and I know there is a bit more traffic on here - hope that's okay - sorry to anyone who has seen it twice!]

So, I have a fairly long standing friend & professional acquaintance (a few years). We see eachother every few months and in touch by email etc every week or two.

Last week there was a drinks party that we were both at. We hadn't seen eachother for a few months. My friend had emailed me in the day to ask if I was going and I confirmed I would, he responded "see you later". Completely normal.

Anyway, at the event, we saw eachother through the crowd a few times. I fully expected him to come over and speak to me when he was ready (he's kind of a centre of attention sort of person who everyone wants to speak to and so it seemed appropriate to wait for him). I had a nice time chatting to other people in the meantime.

After about an hour, I realised he hadn't come over so I thought I'd go and find him and say hi, as I was planning on leaving the event early, so wanted to say hi before I left. Anyway, he had gone, without saying hello (or goodbye!). I was really quite surprised and a bit annoyed.

Well, the annoyance built and I'm afraid the next day I fired off a stroppy email along the lines of "Nice of you to say hello last night!". He replied straight away saying "Well same goes for you!". It was a curt email exchange, no other chat, no sign offs, just that. I didn't reply because I thought his email was rude and a bit disingenuous really - he actually left without saying goodbye - if I was going to leave first and hadn't had a chance to speak to him I def would have gone to say "bye, sorry didn't get to speak etc".

And it's been left like that. Which feels a bit awkward. Also starting to doubt myself. At the end of the day it's his prerogative who he speaks to isn't it? So maybe I should have had no expectations / no right to be offended.

Now I'm wondering if I should apologise, but my gut instinct tells me that's wrong. Do you think I should?

UptheChimney Mon 10-Feb-14 07:13:59

Good for you, OP. Now just let it go ...

TBH, if I'd received that 1st email from you, I'd not have answered at all. I'd just have ignored it & let it go.

Topaz25 Mon 10-Feb-14 01:45:13

This just shows that when you play games, you lose. Rather than playing hard to get, invite him for a drink to say sorry!

puntasticusername Sun 09-Feb-14 23:01:20

<constructs wildly salacious and inappropriate innuendo based on "eating humble pie">

G'luck, OP smile

lonelyredrobin Sun 09-Feb-14 22:47:49

I have sent an apology.

Thanks for the kind advice everyone.

tiredoldmum Sun 09-Feb-14 21:54:39

Here is a perfect example of someone who thinks everyone else is rude but them.

YABU

Seriously, you got bent over nothing and fired off a crazy email like that?

You were rude. You need to apologise. You need to get a grip on life and get a life if you are so easily offended by nothing.

Mia4 Sun 09-Feb-14 21:22:39

Let us know how it goes OP! Good luck.

lonelyredrobin Sun 09-Feb-14 21:10:59

Thanks for all the advice. Sounds like it's time to eat some humble pie. Crikey. Let that be a lesson to me not to fire off an email when I'm cross!

meganorks Sun 09-Feb-14 20:39:38

I don't know that he's not interested. Normal friends just go up to each other and say hi. People who fancy each other pussy foot around and over analyse things. Glimpsing at each other across the room but going over.

Just apologise and go out properly. Maybe 'sorry if I sounded a bit short. I looked for you before I went but you had already left. Was just a bit surprised you didn't say hi before you went. But no worries. Do you want to catch up this week instead?'

Helpyourself Sun 09-Feb-14 20:32:58

Apologise and take the chance to move it forward:
"Sorry I was looking forward to catching up with you x"

puntasticusername Sun 09-Feb-14 20:29:00

Oh, you SO fancy him, you do... wink

Agree, you should probably apologise for the stroppy email. Then take him out for drinks and try and get into his pants.

RedPencilPot Sun 09-Feb-14 20:22:02

Sorry didn't see that post!

Doesn't sound like his feelings are reciprocated. If he fancied you back he would definitely have come over and spoke to you.

Just leave it now, move on and realise it's not meant to be. He's given you a very clear hint he's not interested.

Coldlightofday Sun 09-Feb-14 20:10:25

The OP has already said she does have feelings for him...

RedPencilPot Sun 09-Feb-14 20:09:50

Sounds like you fancy him!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Sun 09-Feb-14 20:08:27

It seems like you think he is above you with the "appropriate to wait" until he approached you. He is just a person, not a God!

Viviennemary Sun 09-Feb-14 20:06:30

As far as he was concerned you didn't speak to him. And he wouldn't know that you intended to come over and speak before he left. Sounds to me like you do have feelings for him or you would just be mildly irritated and said to him well you could have said hi before you left instead of getting furious. He's probably a bit confused now.

Coldlightofday Sun 09-Feb-14 20:03:18

*don't

Coldlightofday Sun 09-Feb-14 20:03:09

Lonely - based on your second post, I think you should probably phone him and say 'God, we were a bit snippy over email, shall we go for drinks soon?'

You have feelings for him, dont put yourself through this.

Coconutty Sun 09-Feb-14 20:02:01

You do seem a little bit too annoyed for him to be just a friend.

OwlCapone Sun 09-Feb-14 19:58:39

So, you didn't say hello to him and then berated him for not saying hello to you...? confused

stardusty5 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:58:12

Agree with others. Personally, if i can see that someone is having a conversation, as you say you were, i wouldn't march up and impose myself. I don't think that its a slight.

Plus, if there are feelings involved, its likely he is overthinking his actions and not wanting to make a prat of himself

Mia4 Sun 09-Feb-14 19:51:57

Agreeing with those above, you need to clear the air since you were unreasonable to email that. To him it could well have looked like you weren't interested in seeing him or playing hard to get, which is similar to how it probably looked to you.

You don't necessarily have to apologise, you can clear the air though. Email him and perhaps say something like: 'We're a pair aren't we? You looked like you were busy so I thought I'd catch you later, was a bit surprised you'd gone because it would have been nice to catch up.'

It depends how stroppy you were though, you may well owe him an apology.

phantomnamechanger Sun 09-Feb-14 19:46:59

Coola is right

where did you get to last night, I tried to find you to say hello

sounds so much better than Nice of you to say hello last night!

If a friend had sent me that email in those circumstances they would have got that reply. Male or female.

It sounds like you were both waiting for the other to make the first move, but neither of you did. You can't possibly know if he looked for you before he left, or if he had to leave urgently. Instead of saying 'where did you get to last night, I tried to find you to say hello' casually normally you chucked a strop, for no reason.

He was right to respond in kind. You can either send a chatty sorry reply, or you can risk losing a friend because you overreacted massively.

Your choice.

LEMmingaround Sun 09-Feb-14 19:39:39

do you fancy him?

Hassled Sun 09-Feb-14 19:36:38

It's not a rejection. He could well have a crush on you too.

You didn't speak to him; he didn't speak to you. Blame is equally split. As I said, he may well have tried to find you before he left.

Apologise nicely for the snippy email and see what happens.

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