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to not allow my dd facebook, msn etc

(92 Posts)
wontletmesignin Sun 09-Feb-14 16:58:52

My dd is 10 and is asking me quite frequently for the likes of msn, facebook, skype and the likes.
I have said no, no, no and no!

Aibu in not allowing her access to these?
I see nothing but stranger danger signs all around it and i dont know if i am just being over cautious or not

Pagwatch Sun 09-Feb-14 17:34:24

Saying 'you can't stop it' is bollocks.
It's like people who give their chikdren alcohol because they will just get it anyway.
I have a 20 year old. It's perfectly possible to parent teenagers without just waving the white flag

TalkinPeace Sun 09-Feb-14 17:34:35

the more you ban it the more attractive it will become

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 17:34:44

worrying and sad???? why?? it's technology which if used well can be fantastic.

what a drama! it's really silly to simply ban things and turn your back. trust me kids will access all if these things and it's much better if you help them to use it safely rather than bury your head in the sand and hope they don't.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 17:37:38

pag I too have teens and older. yes of course you can ban

things which are out right dangerous. the internet is not inherently dangerous like drugs and alcohol though is it.

there is a middle sensible way which is between banning and the white flag.

Pagwatch Sun 09-Feb-14 17:42:26

The 'worrying and sad' comment from another poster was in response to the 9 year old girl sending snap chat photos of herself in the shower (again, from another poster). So not terribly wtf surely?

And it's not 'banning' to say that at 11 you can't have something that is not supposed to be used by your age group? The 'middle ground' is to say 'yes love, when you are old enough'

shebird Sun 09-Feb-14 17:48:40

IMO 9/10 year olds are too naive to deal with the complexities and consequences of social media. Yes technology is fantastic but social media has a huge downside and it is a source of problems girls many young people. My DD has email to communicate with friends and family but I do not see the need for her to photograph and share very moment of her young life with the entire world.

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Feb-14 17:48:54

In DD school ( infants so below 7) have got Facebook.

It's difficult when there are so many of the friends on media sites.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 17:49:30

sending snap chat photos of herself in the shower at 9 is very strange behaviour. it would be strange in an older teen so that's very worrying and I would suggest needs investigation.

I have said in my previous post that 10 is too young for FB but the poster who is saying no until 16 is, in my opinion, being naive. I don't know a 14 year old who isn't on some sort of social media

our parenting of our 4 was always educate not ban except in out right dangerous behaviours.

I had friends who banned sweets and TV. as soon as they were at other houses they gorged in both. not good

shebird Sun 09-Feb-14 17:53:14

Body 9 year olds taking selfies in the shower and posting on snapchat is about as worrying and sad as it gets.

phantomnamechanger Sun 09-Feb-14 17:53:45

DD does not have fb or anything and she's 14. I am so wary of it. Loads of her friends are on it with no privacy settings and all these sexy pouty poses - some have been on there since y6! It's really worrying that the messages about safety and parents taking responsible precautions are not getting through to people/these vulnerable teens.

sad at story of 9 yr old in shower. My DS is 9, I can't imagine any of his peers doing that!

pointythings Sun 09-Feb-14 17:54:00

My DD1 is 13 now and I have said she can have a FB account - her friends do have them, but not Snapchat - the suicide incidents have thankfully scared them off that.

DD1 will not be accessing FB upstairs in her room, only here in the living room where all our devices live. She does not and will not have a smartphone.

She's well aware of the dangers of online bullying and oversharing, and is happy with the restrictions. 9-10 is absolutely too young.

finallydelurking Sun 09-Feb-14 17:55:20

Totally agree with bodygoingsouth you can't stop them using it once they get to a certain age, but you can sure as hell educate them about!

Some of the most horrific online behaviour I've ever seen is from the offspring of people who smugly inform me 'my children aren't allowed social media'

finallydelurking Sun 09-Feb-14 17:55:21

Totally agree with bodygoingsouth you can't stop them using it once they get to a certain age, but you can sure as hell educate them about!

Some of the most horrific online behaviour I've ever seen is from the offspring of people who smugly inform me 'my children aren't allowed social media'

Pagwatch Sun 09-Feb-14 17:57:14

<shrug> 14 is a different television of fish.

But education and rules go hand in hand because a child will still be a twat sometimes if you don't set rules. And sometimes 'I'm not allowed. My parents would go batshit' is a godsend to a teenager under a great deal of peer pressure.

TheOnlySeven Sun 09-Feb-14 17:57:16

I'm not even convinced that 13yos should be on FB tbh. I've recently hidden my 14yo neice because it made me angry seeing her posting photos of herself posing in skimpy outfits. My SIL is friends with her so it's not like she doesn't know what she puts on there.

shebird Sun 09-Feb-14 17:58:57

I will allow my DD when she reaches a certain age or shows enough maturity and all children are different. At age 10 she is not old enough to stay safe on FB.

specialsubject Sun 09-Feb-14 17:59:39

facebook age is 13. Of course they can lie about their birthdate but you aren't going to tell her to do that.

skype is great under supervision.

no, not all the other kids have it. She's lying or they are.

your house your rules.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 18:04:38

Shebird anyone taking selfies of themselves in the showers and posting on line is sad. in a 9 year old I would see this as a red flag that she has been abused as it's inappropriate sexual behaviour of a child.

Finally yes yes agree. I have time and again had kids in my house whose parents proudly proclaim that their kids would never do such and such as it's banned.

one ended up in casualty as drunk as a skunk at 13.

all this being afraid of the net and banning things we don't like/understand is in my opinion lazy dangerous parenting.

educate, talk, discuss.. banning things means you don't discuss.

TalkinPeace Sun 09-Feb-14 18:08:12

so all of you who keep your kids isolated from social networks and do not let them have smartphones

how will you teach them to be cautious and careful and sensible when they go to college or leave home?

I've tried to teach mine to have aware nesee and common sense and scepticism by letting them use such stuff under appropriate supervision

the equivalent of watered down wine with Sunday LUnch

how do you plan to "control" your kids when they head off to uni or get their own smart phones that you know nothing about ?

HadABadDay2014 Sun 09-Feb-14 18:09:46

I bet the parents are putting in the wrong birthdate, what message does that send.

I do allow DS aged 7 on my Facebook to play games which we do together

SomethingkindaOod Sun 09-Feb-14 18:12:32

Unfortunately DS has been the victim of FB bullying and rumours and he doesn't even have it! At the time he wasn't allowed it but we were willing to discuss it with him when he turned 13.
A month before his birthday we found out through 'friends' of his that a number of vicious rumours were going around about him, perpetuated on FB. It's been dealt with very severely, the school cracked down on it hard and died down quite quickly but it's put him off. He sees his real friends face to face and chats occasionally with them on xbox live, that's it.

bodygoingsouth Sun 09-Feb-14 18:15:23

Talkin exactly. you have to educate children for the world as it is not as you would like it to be.

you are preparing them to make sensible choices not keeping them in a bubbie.

my 4 are twenties and teens. the girls whose parents have banned parties and skimpy clothes just go to lots of sleepovers and change there.

no communication. deceit and lies. not good outcomes.

Hulababy Sun 09-Feb-14 18:19:08

DD is in y7 and pretty much everyone of her friends in her yeargroup, from a range of schools, has Instagram. None of them are interested in Facebook.

The T&C when I read them earlier last year does not say a ban of under 13yos. It says the service is ntot directed at under 13s, but not that they are barred. It also states along the lines of "without parental permission" etc - which suggests that under 13s are fine with parental permission.

I have allowed DD an Instagram account - but it is supervised in that I have unrestricted access to her phone and any apps/Instagram. I do check her account. She is not allowed her real name or any real personal information, no reference to her city age or school, etc. The only people allowed on her Instagram must be real life friends - she always checks with me first. We have also set up her account to be private, etc.

I teach ICT, originally at secondary and now at primary, and I am an e-safety coordinator for my school. I have always taught DD about keeping safe online, but I do allow her some access to such sites with restrictions and only ever with me having full access. I continue to do so, but will also continue with me having full access along with continued edcation regarding e-safety.

My DD is pretty clued up with e-safety I have to say. Infact she has written a full lesson plan and will shortly be delivering the lessons to infant school aged pupils along with some selected friends. They will be teaching 9 lessons ina week, and I know that DD has researched her plans very well. At present I am happy that she is sensible and makes approprate use of Instagram as well as text messgaing, Facetime and e-mail. I will continue to monitor and act accordingly as she becomes older.

SomethingkindaOod Sun 09-Feb-14 18:21:29

I think giving them an informed choice is fine, DS doesn't want FB and tbh is too lazy to keep up with snapchat etc. isn't skype and FaceTime just an extension of using the phone though? I don't skype but use FT occasionally, as does DS.

TalkinPeace Sun 09-Feb-14 18:24:35

do your secondary school kids use the internet for their homework?

do they have gmail accounts that you know nothing about?
do they thence have social media accounts that you are unaware of?

seriously, anybody who thinks their 14 year olds are unaware of such things are
a) kidding themselves
b) brewing trouble for laer on

DD is going to a 16th birthday party sleepover at a boy's house soon
my biggest worry is that the spotty oiks will get her to make them a proper cooked breakfast grin

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