Ex H is going on honeymoon to the same place we went

(63 Posts)

We were together for 22 years, married for 16. We went for a 'holiday of a lifetime' for our honeymoon to the Maldives. It was lovely. We had talked about going back on our 25th anniversary.

But he left 2 1/2 years ago for the OW, who he married yesterday. The DSs tell me they are going on honeymoon to the Maldives. hmm confused

IABU to be a little bit... surprised that out of all of the holiday destinations in the world, they've chosen that one? I may be a little bitter, but even so, that is a bit odd, isn't it?

nkf Mon 10-Feb-14 20:19:21

My ex did something similar. I think many men (and probably women too) live a bit in the past. I used to be young, I used to do xx, I used to travel round India. And they just repeat unthinkingly the things they did in their youth. Lots of men seem to move on and recreate what they once had. Not what they had at the end of the first marriage, but what they had at the beginning when it was lovely. My ex used to lend his OW/now wife the same books he used to pretend he'd read when we were first together. The ones he thought he should have read and meant to read but somehow hadn't. Silly really.

Don't compare. Just live the best life you can.

I'm sure it won't be the same island, and maybe the new wife has always wanted to go there. But it still seems weird to me. I would love to go back, but not on my next honeymoon. Too many comparisons and memories.

I guess he's different to me, it's just a lovely holiday destination to him and he's wiped our time there from his mind. Time for him to make new memories, maybe, and I think this honeymoon had to be at least as good as ours.

LaGuardia Mon 10-Feb-14 19:03:04

My exH did exactly the same thing; took her on a road trip around the USA, basically wiping out all our memories. Twatticus Maximus.

dontcallmemam Mon 10-Feb-14 19:02:49

It is a bit weird TBH. The Maldives are lovely but a bit dull and full of fawning honeymooners but so are lots of other places.
I'm imagining his holiday snaps DW on a palm fringed beach, wearing a sarong, holding a pink cocktail exactly the same as 16 years ago.

paxtecum Mon 10-Feb-14 19:01:51

Ellen: my XH went on honeymoon to a hotel that we had stayed at a few years earlier.

No imagination.

Love, your life is far richer than theirs because of your DCs.

(Though it may not seem like it at times)

VikingLady Mon 10-Feb-14 19:01:49

Perhaps he'd booked your anniversary holiday just before you split up (to get maximum discount) and couldn't cancel it, and doesn't want to waste it?

Far fetched, but anything else is weird!

eggsandwich Mon 10-Feb-14 18:59:50

Just remember he went with you first!! Second time around it won't be as exciting and new as he's already been, not sure if I was his new wife I'd be wanting to go to the same place that he went with his first wife, he must of really enjoyed it when he went with you to go back there again, maybe he's trying to recreate the same memories.

TBH, if he did have them 50/50 I couldn't afford to pay the bills as the child maintenance would drop to virtually nothing. And I don't really want to only have them 50/50. DS2 has SN and already gets upset by the every other weekend arrangement. Contrary, eh? blush I am jealous of their lifestyle, but would still prefer to keep my DC all the time. confused

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 10-Feb-14 18:50:26

Won't your ex have them 50:50 with you, EllenJane?

Hmm, perhaps I'm a bit jealous of their lifestyle, Lying? They are child free for half of the time, she has her DS 50/50 while I have my DC for most of the time. I can't just swan off abroad without them as they do. I am probably a bit too invested in comparing our lives. I will get past it, though. I'm so, so much better than I was for the first year, when I lost 4 stone in weight. So much better that I've gained over a stone back. hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 10-Feb-14 18:14:06

Agree with Worra. I think that it's something that men would do - a holiday destination is just that, a house is jut a house - for a woman it usually means something.

I don't see that the new wife will be insecure, why would she be? She's married to somebody who was himself, married for a long time. He's demonstrated commitment really, hasn't he?

I'm sorry that you feel irked about it, try not to read anything into it because you can't know if there was any significance at all and, if you find out that there wasn't, it's not going to make you feel any better is it?

I winced a little bit at your list of their holiday destinations... why are you keeping track of them? You could have easily said, they holiday a lot... but you listed each and every destination and number of visits. shock

Enjoy your holiday with your DCs OP and let it go... I don't think you have.

WorraLiberty Mon 10-Feb-14 17:54:21

I don't know Red I think it's easy to read too much into things

She might be insecure of course

But equally she might just love the Maldives and is secure enough in her own choice to want to go there.

Either way, you're well shot of him OP. Enjoy your holiday with your kids thanks

RedToothBrush Mon 10-Feb-14 17:50:52

If the bride choose the destination, again I would say that obviously she has reason to feel pretty insecure... and feels the need to somehow compete.

falulahthecat Mon 10-Feb-14 17:50:43

*stalked me and my friends, not even sneakily, would just go and stand next to me/them but not look at them or say anything. Then would park outside my house, so creepy. Urgh.

falulahthecat Mon 10-Feb-14 17:50:03

This happened to me - only the Ex had stalked me after we broke up, (and 2 years after and whilst engaged to new person telling mutual friends I'd 'realise I made a mistake' and take him back) his new wife looked exactly like me (we hadn't married, only dated for 3 years) and the place was in Cornwall, somewhere that had been my favourite place since I was 8 and which he knows I want to live in one day.

It particularly upset me because he had his own 'childhood place' (Jersey) which he could've gone to (although he did take her there on our old 'anniversary' I'd since found out) and in the end I just had to comfort myself with the fact that he's too much of a 'homebody'/wet lettuce to use Brendan from coach trip's lovely phrase to actually move away.

My sister said that perhaps he just doesn't have any imagination, so I tell myself that, too ;p

WorraLiberty Mon 10-Feb-14 17:41:26

Maybe the bride chose the honeymoon destination?

RedToothBrush Mon 10-Feb-14 17:37:33

Why would you be worried about this? It should be the other woman that should worry as he's obviously trying to recreate something. Doesn't it reflect the fact that you did have some happy times and memories? I personally don't think you can ever have the same magic going somewhere for a second time. Yes it can be good, but its never got that same shiny new feelings. She'll forever be living in your shadow and walking in your shoes. Forever wondering how she compares and whether he'll run off again.

oldgrandmama Mon 10-Feb-14 17:17:10

... as you and he did on your honeymoon.

deakmom, when I finally left the unfaithful shit after 20 years, and the OW moved in, she snaffled the clothes I'd not collected yet. Including a lovely designer coat. I'm still annoyed about that (nearly 30 years later).

oldgrandmama Mon 10-Feb-14 17:13:20

You could always email/fax the hotel ... with a message for the exH, saying you hope he and the floozie new wife are having as lovely a time and you and he did on your honeymoon.
[sniggers evilly]

He took your clothes?! shock And she wore them? shock confused

deakymom Sun 09-Feb-14 22:48:06

well my ex took my clothing with him when he went i saw a picture of her in my dress their kids use my old pushchair (which his mom borrowed to use with my daughter and forgot to return) when i spoke to her on the phone once i did rub it in a little she was gushing about how great he was to her cooking her food etc i said spaghetti bolognaise? yes i taught him how to make that and x y z men are so predictable aren't they? (cue lots of fake laughing and she took the hint i did not want to listen to how SWEET how NICE etc just made me want to puke)

at least you know you got there first xx

Lambzig Sun 09-Feb-14 22:45:35

Sorry that should say, I bet she doesn't know.

Lambzig Sun 09-Feb-14 22:45:05

I think I would find it funny, so little imagination. I bet she

I wouldn't expect it to be 'off limits' but they do have a long haul holiday every year so why for their honeymoon?

fairylightsatchristmas Sun 09-Feb-14 22:27:04

the Maldives (whilst still expensive) is much cheaper than the Seychelles, Mauritius etc and as others have said, it is an incredibly popular destination. I have been to some of the same places with DH2 as I did with DH1, because they are MY favourite places and yes, whilst I do inevitably spend a few wistful moments, I was with DH1 for 10 years and we went to a lot of places, I don't want all of them to be off limits now. DH2 knows if it is a place I've been before and I take care not to start every sentence with "when DH1 and I were here.." but otherwise, they're just places.

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