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AIBU or am I just being PFB?(129 Posts)
Went round to MILs this evening and she asked us if we want to go out for a meal for her mum's birthday in a few weeks time.
She then said she'd book the table for 7.30. As there's a few of us going, and the place we're going isn't exactly particularly speedy, this will mean the whole thing is a long drawn-out affair so we probably wouldn't be finished until 9.30 at the earliest.
We have a 3 week old baby and I'm trying to establish some sort of half-decent bedtime routine with him so that we can all try and egg some sleep.
I said it was a little bit too late and could we do it any earlier because I'm the one who has to deal with DS in the night when he's unsettled.
MIL said no because she's going out in the day and 'needs time to get ready'.
DP said okay we'll bring the pram in and he can sleep in that while we're eating. I said I don't want him getting over tired which is what will happen if he gets passed round a table of people. MIL then said I was being precious and that I couldn't stop people having a cuddle of him.
AIBU not to want to take my baby out on an evening or am I just being precious?
I'd be tempted not to go simply because of MIL's attitude personally. You don't tell the mother of a 3 week old that they're "being precious" IMO.
You don't tell the mother of a 3 week old that they're "being precious" IMO.
Some people need telling.
But you're allowed to be precious.
3 week PFB, he's new, you're knackered.
MIL is probably desperate to show him off but really, at this stage, do what suits you.
Having said that, I'd go along with the others who say take him while he's still very portable.
Whilst I think you should go and it will be fine - I want you to know that you're totally allowed to be PFB. It's a very precious time for you and three weeks is tiny.
Your MIL is forgetting what this period of new motherhood is like.
midnight I agree some people do need telling but in this case the baby is brand new, OP can be as "precious" as she likes for the first few weeks.
I would say that whilst you can take the baby out for dinner and it won't have much, or any, effect on the routine (just as everybody else has said) you should do what you want and don't feel pressured into doing what MIL or anyone else thinks you should be doing.
No way I'd be going with a three week old!!
If you do go how about a sling? Tell everyone it's to take up less room in a restaurant
and then no-one gets to cuddle him unless you want them too
What about a compromise? Why don't you go and tell them you'll only be able to stay until X time? OR go for the first half hour or hour simply to say happy birthday and let everyone say hi to the baby and then leave.
Tell them you're still buggered, you're sure they understand with a newborn how little sleep you're getting and you'd love to catch up for a lunch sometime later.
I wouldn't go with a 3 week old, especially if they're going to get passed around all evening. I was going to bed at 8pm when DS was that age so I could cope with all the night feeds!
Strict routine or not, I personally think it's good to get even tiny babies used to a dark, quiet bedroom at night so they learn the difference between night and day and start to set their body clock.
We've always put our DS's sleep above our social life and lots of people are a bit about it. But he slept 11 hours a night from 11 weeks and is still a great sleeper now at nearly 2yo. Could be luck, but who knows?!
I took DS out at 3 weeks in v cold weather for a friends birthday. He slept in his pram most of the time thanks to the background noise and only DH, birthday girl and I got to cuddle him when he was awake. It was great. Those days are long gone! I'd make the most of it IMO.
Do you want to go for the meal? If you do, your baby will be fine with it as a one-off. If, however, you don't feel like a night-time outing with a newborn, then there's no reason why you should feel pressured into it Just because it would be technically possible to take your baby with no ill-effects doesn't mean it's compulsory.
There's nothing 'PFB' (annoying, smug phrase) about it. When my son was six weeks old, I would have been falling asleep on my plate by half past nine. We did go out, but for very early dinners in very local places, and tended to be home again by seven or half-past.
Seize the opportunity to eat out while the child is small. Soon it will be in a routine and you'll rue the day you didn't make the most of your opportunities to get out while it is portable
Get a good sling. Strap baby on. Eat chat and enjoy
If you will find it tiring to be out with a tired or unsettled baby then just pop in and say hello - but it's massively unreasonable to ask them to make dinner earlier or a group of adults. A 3 week old doesn't know it's late at night!. A toddler is much harder to take out than a 3 week old - I promise you cannot be starting a routine whatever you think ! Sleep patterns constantly change in the first few months
We had some lovely dinners with our tiny baby sleeping in a buggy - the noise was like white noise and helped the baby sleep.
But you don't have to let a tired baby be passed around - and if you won't enjoy it don't go. Personally I would go and say hello with baby asleep in buggy.
But don't start down the path of making people change plans for a tiny baby ... That way madness lies
One of the great things about that age is you can rake them.out with you! I don't blame you for not wanting him to be passed around if he is settled in his pram though, although you may find he is unsettled in which case you'll be glad of plenty people to hold him while you eat! Also, you are talking about a few weeks away, he could be very different then to now
I wouldn't fancy it at that age, tbh. Not so much the going out and leaving him to sleep in the pram, that I could do - it's the assumption that he will be passed around to all the rellies at the table and not given a chance to sleep that would put me off!
I agree that you shouldn't bother trying to make them change the time - 7:30 isn't that late, even though service will be slow etc., if they'd said 8:30 I'd think you had more of a point there - and you could have a good time but you'd need to establish some sort of boundaries whereby you get to put your baby down to sleep in his pram when he needs it, not when the aunties and grannies have all had their turn cuddling him.
Go! One of my best decisions was to go out for DH's birthday when DS was a few weeks old. Went with ILs and grandparents. We took the sling, DS slept the whole meal, I ate a lovely hot meal, enjoyed adult conversation and we were home by 9 to put him to bed. A tiny baby doesn't know what time it is. Make the most of it now!
Babies at that age are brilliant because you can pop them in the pram and take them with you and more often than not as long as they have a full belly and clean nappy they will sleep all the way through the evening. Just pop the hood of your pram up and drape a blanket over the front and no one will want to disturb your baby. Easy! Not so easy when they get older I'm afraid so make the most of it if I were you and this is from experience as I have 3 children.
He may be asleep but he also may not be. My babies were always really unsettled at night and going to a meal would have been really stressful. They cluster fed at this age and at night and I'd often be eating dinner whilst feeding and definitely wouldn't have wanted to sit at the table feeding all night. I also couldn't have been bothered to get ready to go out with a sleepless night to look forward to.
So if you are being PFB I would have been being PFB PSB and PTB (1st 2nd and 3rd!).
IMissRedWine PFB = Precious First Born.
Used (mostly) affectionately about first time mothers who are getting their knickers slightly in a twist.
They're so portable and easy at that age. I would go.
It depends on the baby! They are not all 'portable and easy' at this age.
Dh and I would have had to take turns to eat while walking Ds around the restaurant! Plus I was still majorly struggling with bf at this stage and would have hated going to a restaurant as chances are I'd have to feed and latching was really painful, I was only wearing baggy t shirts and no bra because of my nipples!
Ds did not 'sleep lots' and wouldn't stay in his pram.
Hmmmmm at that age i wouldn't have wanted to take a baby out for a meal, not because of a routine cause they don't have a routine but at 3 weeks but I would have spent the whole meal with my boobs out but trying to be discrete, but probably failing and that's not fun!
I agree with Pigeon.
I'd have been asleep at 9pm.
Sounds like you Dh and mil have a busy night ahead of them.
I agree that three week old tinies are very portable - I really would make the most of it! It's definitely ok to feel precious - I certainly did as regards to people constantly wanting to hold DS1 to the point where I'd have to ask for him back to feed! BUT it doesn't last forever and certainly doesn't happen now. On the very rare occasion we go out for an evening meal (really really rare now because DS (2) does have a routine, does get over tired) no one wants to entertain him/sit with him/run around after him. Seriously, go, it's a one-off and you'll get to eat a nice meal while your baby is cuddled! It soon changes
I agree with midnightscribbler, if he is asleep he is no bother, if awake someone is bound to want to hold him while you eat. The easiest age to take out.
If u would rather be at home
Breastfeeding or sleeping then you are being totally reasonable - but your babies routine is not such a good reason
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