To ask if you would find this odd

(156 Posts)
honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:10:56

Teenage DD talking to her teacher for an hour after school every day plus every lunch time.

Yes. It is a bit.

Is it a guidance teacher?

AgentZigzag Sat 08-Feb-14 22:12:54

Would be odd to me, but you've only written one sentence, what's the rest of it?

How old is your DD?

Annunziata Sat 08-Feb-14 22:12:54

Yes.

honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:13:50

14.

Thanks. Wondered if I was being a bit odd about it, I wasn't sure what else to add.

CoffeeTea103 Sat 08-Feb-14 22:15:13

Have you asked her about what? That's a starting point?

AgentZigzag Sat 08-Feb-14 22:15:31

What does she say she's talking about with them?

Are you suspecting something inappropriate going on?

Is she on her own with them?

What happens if you tell her she's not stopping and to come back home?

Does she go into school early? See them out of school?

FallenFlower Sat 08-Feb-14 22:15:46

I did this as a child. From about aged 12, to when I left at 16.

The teacher was a lovely man, and he always offered good advice. I felt safe with him, and even looking back now, he was never inappropriate. He just gave me somewhere to talk and reflect.

I did have a really messed up home life, though.

honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:24:19

It isn't my DD, sorry. So I can't really ask her what about.

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Feb-14 22:25:42

Is the teacher male or female?

Does the DD have any problems?

honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:27:53

Male - she has no problems I know of. Quite quiet, though.

ConferencePear Sat 08-Feb-14 22:29:41

If the teacher were a junior colleague I would be offering them some advice.

honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:30:51

What sort of advice, pear? smile

AgentZigzag Sat 08-Feb-14 22:30:57

How do you know about the situation?

You sound like you're trying to gauge reaction to it but without giving any details away (no shit sherlock grin) but posters reactions will depend on the details won't they?

Whatever's going on is making you feel uneasy, I would go with that, regardless of why they're there and what they're talking about, it does sound an extreme situation, one I wouldn't be happy with my 13 YO being in.

AgentZigzag Sat 08-Feb-14 22:33:06

'What sort of advice, pear?'

Advice about professional boundaries and keeping in mind how things might look/sound like when described to someone else by a 14 YO girl/her parents?

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Feb-14 22:33:54

Really this is such a non thread

She's not your DD so you can't ask her why she's staying for an hour after school.

She has no problems 'that you know of'.

If you have concerns perhaps you could raise it with her parents...but be prepared for them to tell you to MYOB.

MidniteScribbler Sat 08-Feb-14 22:35:48

I did this from about that age until I graduated. It was my history teacher and she provided me additional subject matter because I was so interested, and also let me help with various other tasks. It was probably the only thing that got me through high school.

honeystillfortea Sat 08-Feb-14 22:36:46

Worra it probably does appear that way and I'm sorry for that. I was trying to gauge honest reactions.

The teacher in question is my DP sad

Only1scoop Sat 08-Feb-14 22:40:14

Honey....is it from phone bills/phone you have discovered this or heard conversations? How do you know it's a pupil?

ConferencePear Sat 08-Feb-14 22:40:23

That is exactly what I meant AgentZigZag.
I have actually had to do this. We had 14 year old asking for extra science lessons and her young, inexperienced and very handsome teacher was delighted. I advised him that it should only happen if he could have a lab assistant in the prep room and the door open at all times.
He thought I was mad, but did as I asked.
When she wrote a passionate and graphic letter to him after she left he was extremely embarrassed and thanked me. He was such an innocent that he didn't see the danger.

AgentZigzag Sat 08-Feb-14 22:41:03

Have you asked him what they're talking about?

Did he tell you or did you find out another way?

I did this with a male teacher. We had a sexual relationship that started when I was 16 but I'd say the emotional relationship began when the chats began when I was 13/14. He lead a club I was a senior member of and that's how it began.

Do you think the girl has a crush on your DP? Do you think DP has any inappropriate feelings for the girl? Do you know what they talk about? Do they have any other contact that you know of? Mine used to email me every evening and buy and lend me books too but his wife definitely didn't know about either of those things.

Personally this would be a red flag for me but that's because of my own experience. I'm sure there are many cases like this where it's all above board.

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Feb-14 22:42:56

Oh ok that puts a different slant on it OP

Is he tutoring her so she can catch up on her work?

I think the most disturbing thing here is that you'd be suspicious of him being alone with a 14yr old girl.

Has he ever given you reason to feel uncomfortable about this sort of thing?

selsigfach Sat 08-Feb-14 22:42:58

I don't think it's appropriate and even if it is perfectly innocent on his part, he is opening himself up to all sorts of accusations.

I would find it odd.

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