To ask DH to stop bringing me breakfast and a brew in bed

(36 Posts)
Themasterplan Sat 08-Feb-14 10:54:50

Before you all flame me, I know I sound extremely ungrateful but there is a reason behind it. DD2 is 7 weeks old and in our room while DH sleeps in the spare room (I am BFing and it is pointless us both being awake all night.) She tends to feed around midnight and 4am and then struggles to go back to sleep after the 4am feed. She is generally quite unsettled with wind until around 6am when she falls back into a deep sleep. DD2 tends to get up around 6.30-7am and DH gets up with her (as he gets a full nights sleep.) He gets DD1 her breakfast and then brings me up a cup of tea and some toast in bed. While I am aware this is very nice of him, it is a complete pain in the arse. Firstly it always wakes me up and I struggle to get back to sleep. I am not the kind of person who enjoys lounging around or eating in bed; if I am awake, I tend to get up. Secondly, and more importantly, it usually wakes up DD2. Which means that any chance of me going back to sleep and catching up on the bad nights are completely scuppered. So I get up and a small part of me wonders if he does it on purpose knowing that it will wake me up so I get up and help out with DD1 SO WIBU to ask him nicely to leave us alone in the morning until we are ready to get up?

harriet247 Sat 08-Feb-14 10:57:12

Ynbu but it sounds like a nice thing of him to be doing

halfwildlingwoman Sat 08-Feb-14 10:57:29

YANBU. Just explain nicely to him.

He11y Sat 08-Feb-14 11:00:28

Not at all.

He's probably oblivious.

Lack of communication and a build up of resentment quickly become toxic. Hard as it is, it's better to be honest.

Oldraver Sat 08-Feb-14 11:04:40

Just tell him you would prefer to wake up naturally. Not quite the same but DS used to come and wake me at the weekend and I had to drill it into him 7 am was not the right time as I could never go back to sleep. I just wanted one day of waking naturally. You need to bring it up with him, say if he wanted to bring tea up to wait until he heard you stir ?

I agree with just asking him to leave you to wake up naturally.

I often don't think that unless you have BF (or had a difficult baby on your own) and gone without sleep, you fully understand what torture it can become.

FlirtingFail Sat 08-Feb-14 11:21:47

YANBU - he probably is doing it so that you'll wake up and help with DD1. [cynical]

DarlingGrace Sat 08-Feb-14 11:27:10

Just tell him. Food and drink in bedrooms is rank.

mrsjay Sat 08-Feb-14 11:30:00

just tell him why does he think you need to be up if you have been up with baby most of the night he is just trying to be kind and thoughtful maybe say to him I love you bringing me a cuppa but god i just need to sleep

Finaldeskination1 Sat 08-Feb-14 11:33:08

Is this even viable for a thread. Just tell him. No biggy

mrsjay Sat 08-Feb-14 11:36:06

anything is viable for a thread confused the op doesnt want to her her husbands feelings and she is sleep deprived everything seems a HUge deal when you have had no sleep

PuppyMonkey Sat 08-Feb-14 11:38:53

Yanbu at all.

But yabu to not have just told him this.

GingerMaman Sat 08-Feb-14 11:45:33

Yanbu, and he sounds like a clever man wink

OtherBarry Sat 08-Feb-14 11:51:27

DP used to sneak in and leave me tea and toast that I'd have cold when I woke up but if he'd woken me or DD up if have asked him to stop

Ask him to bring you it at a later time? The gesture is nice, the time is wrong, tell him

Mumof3xx Sat 08-Feb-14 11:56:16

Send him to mine

justshabby Sat 08-Feb-14 11:57:59

Oh good, the thread police have arrived. They're always so helpful. hmm

OP I know exactly how you feel. In those early days sleep is the most important thing! I would just nicely tell him how you feel.

SantanaLopez Sat 08-Feb-14 11:59:09

Why not ask him to put your tea in a flask so he's made you it, but it's still warm when you decide to get up? Everyone happy!

FelineSad Sat 08-Feb-14 12:28:29

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I had this too. Ex DP would always bring me breakfast in bed when I'd been up all night feeding our sons (worked full time too).

I did try and ask him politely to desist if it was obvious I was actually asleep but no he continued (probably why he's now ex although having an affair may have more to do with it!!!). To make it worse he always used to crow to friends and family about how he always brought me breakfast in bed and they would all fawn over him like he was some sort of demi God. When I would try and explain that it wasn't always appreciated they would look at me like I was some sort of mega bitch.

Thing was nice though it was it wasn't any great sacrifice on his part. He always made breakfast for himself anyway so it was just a question of making twice as much and walking up some stairs!!!

Thumbwitch Sat 08-Feb-14 12:31:25

He sounds like a considerate man - just tell him that, much though you appreciate the thought behind it, the timing is not good and could he please just wait until you're stirring before disturbing you?

If he's kind and considerate, he'll totally understand and be quite upset that it's taken you this long to mention it, I would think, so you'll have to be prepared to apologise for being too wimpy to mention it before on the grounds that you didn't want to seem ungrateful.

LondonInHighHeeledBoots Sat 08-Feb-14 13:27:14

He is probably being nice - and if he doesn't do the night feeds, hasn't really twigged that while he is ok and fancies a cup of tea at 7 to wake him up a bit, you really don't!

Just ask him not to as it wakes you and dd2 - tell him to keep it in the pipes for you when you come down at 10 grin

HerrenaHarridan Sat 08-Feb-14 14:08:27

Just tell him, hopefully he takes it better than my ex who couldn't understand why I repeatedly requested a single individual mug of tea while bfing as opposed to a tray containing a one person pot, cup (that only held 1/3 of the pot), jug of milk, sugar and spoon. He used to get so cross with me no matter how nicely I tried to say "but really it would be so much easier to drink my tepid tea over the baby's head than to try and fiddle about mixing up 3 mini cups and having the bloody tray still to deal with.
I think it was a ploy, it got do that if he offered me tea I would just say no sad

juniper44 Sat 08-Feb-14 14:52:25

My DP and I had to have words about this too. He likes to wake me up to say goodbye, but wakes the baby at the same time. I wake up when he gets up, but he can't just say goodbye at that point for some reason...

He got all sad about it, like I was being heartless not wanting to talk to him, but he's not the one up all night!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sat 08-Feb-14 18:05:11

ah bless, DH used to do the same, never when I was awake and reading but always when I was asleep and would have been for ages longer if he had not been so 'nice' I had to say please don't unless I am awake, I love my sleep. downside is that now he never ever does sad can't win smile

LittleBabySqueakSqueak Sat 08-Feb-14 21:21:05

I had to ask DH not to kiss me goodbye on his way to work for the same reason. I felt a right cow doing it, but I so need the sleep.

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