Partner does more for his mum than for out baby and I..

(64 Posts)
Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:30:18

When I met my partner a few years back we lived about 60 miles apart. We bought a house together after dating for a year and I moved up to his area, away from my friends and family to make it easy for him to get to work.

We now have a 6 month old daughter and I am on maternity leave.

Prior to meeting me he bought a house and paid for it outright and allows his mother to live in it rent free.

Basically now we can't afford our bills and partner says we have to sell up.

I have a decent job but I work so far from where I live and no family to help with childcare. I'd only earn about £20 a day after all the expense of getting there and daughter's nursery. I've been desperately trying to work out what to do and looking at new jobs etc.

Partner has taken a pay cut in the last year and doesn't look for any other jobs to try and stop us losing our home.

So I asked him about charging his mum rent or seeing if she could get a council house again so that we could keep out home.

He point blank refuses to ask her for money and says we will just lose our home. He'd rather her have a home than his daughter, but she'd be able to get housing benefit/live with her partner.

So am I unreasonable? It's so upsetting that he puts our baby second sad

petalsandstars Fri 07-Feb-14 17:32:29

Yanbu he is a twat.

What would happen if you suggested living there instead?

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:34:06

Lol! My thought entirely. She lives about 300iles away so not really an option. He would do ANYTHING to upset her

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:34:51

Crikey sausage fingers.com!
Wouldn't do anything to upset her

Does his mum know how bad things are for you?
Surely she should be saying she would find somewhere else so her grandchild has a home.

Your partner is an idiot by the way.

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:42:15

She knows. I've told her. I'm really nice to her but I can't understand how a grandmother could do this??
She just says 'oooh things will be ok', 'it'll all work out'
Never offers a thing. Just boasts how she potters around all day and tells us about all her holidays!!!

Genuinely feel like I'd be best to leave him and be with my precious girl. sad

frogslegs35 Fri 07-Feb-14 17:42:26

YADNBU - he is a huge twat.
Why can't/won't he speak to his mum about his own family situation? Would she be reasonable? and also could you maybe speak to her yourself about your worries, giving her an insight to the severity of the situation - would she offer to pay rent or move out?

You would be best to leave him and live with your daughter IMO. What kind of idiot loses their own home rather than charge his mother rent when if she is a pensioner or unemployed she would get housing benefit anyway?

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:45:07

She just pretends she's dumb and really sweet. But us girls know different don't we!!! She plays it all hopeless and dependant on him so he feels responsible.
But not for his daughter!!

WooWooOwl Fri 07-Feb-14 17:45:51

Are you sure you believe his story that he bought a house outright before meeting you? Could it be that his parents lent him or gave him the money towards it and that's why she's living there rent free?

frogslegs35 Fri 07-Feb-14 17:46:07

Ah sorry xposted - went to make a coffee in the middle of typing that.

She just says 'oooh things will be ok', 'it'll all work out' So she's a twat too.

Also if she can afford holidays then she can afford to pay rent.

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:46:31

I've checked on land registry lol!! He definitely owns it!

Rosa Fri 07-Feb-14 17:47:50

So he plans to sell up and live where?.

YANBU at all

I would suggest that you all go and live with his mum !!!

Does she know how bad things are?

DrNick Fri 07-Feb-14 17:49:01

'baby and me'

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:49:36

He says we'll just rent something really cheap. My poor baby girl.
He would never suggest living there and upsetting his mum! It's ridiculous!!!

iamusuallybeingunreasonable Fri 07-Feb-14 17:50:08

Right well they are both playing you for a fool, as if they would see you homeless while your keeping her in holidays by being rent free... Mark my words, he would be living back at home with mummy given half the chance, you can't make them do anything about their odd arrangement, but you can control your own destiny

Pobblewhohasnotoes Fri 07-Feb-14 17:50:31

He's an idiot. Leave before he makes you homeless.

All you can do is lay your cards on the table with both of them and if nothing changes, move back to your family.

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 17:56:08

I thought it was an odd set up. If I bring it up he bites my head off so I wondered if I was beings cow.
Your replies make me see it's probably not me!!

Takingthemickey Fri 07-Feb-14 17:57:25

Just be sure he bought it. It may be possible that it was transferred to him by his parents on the condition that his mum lives there during her lifetime. This is a means of avoiding inheritance tax. Is his father alive?

If you are sure of the basis of his ownership then he is a real idiot.

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 18:02:17

No father died about 20 years ago. He definitely bought it.

whatever5 Fri 07-Feb-14 18:03:24

The situation seems very odd and I'm sure that there is more to this than meets the eye.

He might own the house according to the Land Registry but are you sure he paid for it? It could that his mother paid for it but it is in his name so that should she ever have to go into a nursing home, she wouldn't be forced to sell the house.

Misscraftalot Fri 07-Feb-14 18:05:49

Nope honestly they really aren't that clever. No way she ever had the money to buy it. She had a council house and he bought her this one. He used to earn good money and bought it. It's not worth loads it's just paid outright.

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