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To want their marriage to be over?

(42 Posts)
Slippersatbedtime Fri 07-Feb-14 08:46:09

He cheated - with me.

I didn't have a clue he was married. He promised me everything.

Now I am left devestated and he gets to carry on his nice life with his (lovely looking) wife and kid.

It doesn't seem fair that he gets to be happy and have things so easy.

LisaMed Fri 07-Feb-14 08:47:04

shock

pinkyredrose Fri 07-Feb-14 08:48:30

I doubt he's that happy. I feel sorry for his wife. Hopefully she'll make his life hell.

NotAnotherPackedLunchBox Fri 07-Feb-14 08:48:53

It doesn't seem fair on his wife and child.

YoungBritishPissArtist Fri 07-Feb-14 08:48:54

You want their marriage to be over so he can be with you?

Why would you want a man who's spun you an elaborate web of lies? shock

brooncoo Fri 07-Feb-14 08:49:49

How long did it last? Just think of your lucky escape from a complete bastard.

Slippersatbedtime Fri 07-Feb-14 08:50:44

Don't think she knows. And no, I don't want him!

DontmindifIdo Fri 07-Feb-14 08:51:50

did his wife know about your affair? How long did your relationship last?

I'm so sorry for you, it must be horrible being an accidental OW, you have all the guilt even though you didn't know you were doing this to someone else.

I wouldn't assume it's happy, his poor wife probably knows something is wrong, if not what. And sadly, you probably aren't the only one.

I know lots of people will say don't tell, but I think I'd want to know if I was the DW. But give yourself some time to recover before making that decision, if you tell, let it be for her sake, not yours.

Eek, this won't end well.

Sorry you were spun a yarn OP, you are a victim in this too.

You can do better than a lying cheat though.

DontmindifIdo Fri 07-Feb-14 08:53:07

Oh and I can understand you want him to hurt, out of all the people involved, he's the one who's behaved badly, yet he's the only one not feeling any of the negative concequences (his DW probably is having a shit time and doesn't know why, the poor woman might even be blaming herself).

scantilymad Fri 07-Feb-14 08:53:29

So you don't want him anymore but still want his marriage to be over and a child to have to deal with that too? Eh? Is this parallel universe day?

brooncoo Fri 07-Feb-14 08:54:30

I would want to tell to drop him in the shit, so that he can't just walk away selling like a rose with no consequences. But, I don't know if I could drop that bombshell on his innocent wife and child. In the long run (past the initial revenge) I think it would feel bad.

I might let him think I was thinking about it though.

for the sake of his wife and child, the marriage should probably end.

you have my sympathies op, this has happened to me before and his partner took him back but still hates my guts.

Slippersatbedtime Fri 07-Feb-14 09:02:36

I'm not going anywhere near him, her, or their marriage. Just feeling bitter.

It's his problem. He must love her though, or at least not me, or he'd have left. The kid is a baby.

DontmindifIdo Fri 07-Feb-14 09:10:10

OP - he probably doesn't really love her, he probably really loves his lifestyle, living in a house with his wife and child, having a family. If he did really love her, he'd not be having affairs (and it's probably a regular thing)

Men like that love themselves far too much to love anyone else.

DontmindifIdo Fri 07-Feb-14 09:17:11

and chalk it up to experience, get on with your life. It's shit that it's going to have slightly erroded your trust.

View it as having dodged a bullet, can you imagine if he had left his wife for you what your life would be like? I wonder what lies he told her to be with you. Couldyou ever trust him? Always feeling like you're going slightly crazy, and actually it's him fucking about again.

Melonbreath Fri 07-Feb-14 09:21:54

You're lucky you got out of it. If he'd cheat on the mother of his child he'd cheat on you.

and actually, I would tell the wife. If I were the wife I'd want to know. I'd be devastated but I would hate feeling a fool and wasted years if I found out in the future.

You might be giving her her ticket out.

Finola1step Fri 07-Feb-14 09:21:55

Stay well away. You've had a lucky escape. That poor woman and baby.

pictish Fri 07-Feb-14 09:26:09

Thank goodness! You just saved yourself from wasting your precious time on a liar.

Liars are to be avoided at all costs.

Phew!

DownstairsMixUp Fri 07-Feb-14 09:27:47

I agree it was a lucky escape. Even if he would of left his wife for you the relationship would of been doomed. You'd of probably always wondered if he'd do the same to you.

MatryoshkaDoll Fri 07-Feb-14 09:29:59

Why would you want to be with a proven liar? You'd never be able to trust him. After the initial buzz of 'winning' him wore off, you'd start worrying that he'll get bored and do them same to you as he's done to his wife (and you'd be right).

Don't give him a second thought. He's a dog.

pictish Fri 07-Feb-14 09:30:06

You know that saying...
When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.

MothratheMighty Fri 07-Feb-14 09:31:14

You didn't really know him at all, so as others have said, better to get out now.
How did you find out he was married? How long were you together,or was it just a weekend fling?

Preciousbane Fri 07-Feb-14 09:36:09

The op hasn't said she wants him she is in shock that the man she got together with is married and she is a victim in this, as is his poor wife. Whereas he is an uber shit.

I worked with a woman who found out after two months her BF had a wife and then finished with him. He then began a stalking campaign and would sit outside her house in his car, she had to get an injunction against him in the end.

An OW who knows that a man is married is very different to a woman who thinks a man is single and becomes an accidental OW.

SaucyJack Fri 07-Feb-14 09:40:55

YANBU at all to be feeling bitter and hurt.

You were betrayed as much as his wife.

Take care x

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