AIBU to think that it is never ok for a man to hit a woman?

(54 Posts)
Giggity Fri 31-Jan-14 20:24:39

I was talking to my boyfriend and he said that sometimes a man could hit a woman but I kept on telling him that is is totally unacceptable. Do you think there are some situations where a man can hit a woman?

FraidyCat Sat 01-Feb-14 01:14:03

Self-defence rarely involves actually hitting someone. I.e., someone hits me and then I hit them back, how does that make me safer?

It makes you safer if your blow kills them, or stuns them, or puts them in so much pain that they literally cannot talk let alone move. (I was returning to a hostel at boarding school after lunch when a 17-year irritated by my 14-year-old self being in his way going through the front door gave me a slight punch in the kidneys. It was minutes before I recovered enough to be able to make a sound. Had he been a serious attacker I would have been unable to run away let alone hit back had he chosen to do more during those few minutes. After that first blow I would have been helpless for long enough for someone to kill me with their bare hands, even someone who would have been no threat had I seen them coming.)

I did Karate as a child, from a self-defense point of view the main benefit was that it gave me confidence which resulted in people not attacking me. (I realise as I write that the anecdote in the previous paragraph contradicts this. Karate doesn't protect you at boarding school if the school ethos is that older boys are allowed to hit younger boys at will and you are not allowed to say anything to anyone about it.)

I never regretted choosing Karate, but even as a 12-year old it dawned on me that a disadvantage of Karate (compared to a wrestling sport like Judo) is that there are no low-key techniques suited to a playground situation. The whole point of everything you learn is to disable an opponent with a single blow, or at most a combination of two or three.

I suppose striking someone in the face or stomach would be relatively low-key, compared to striking at the throat or groin.

Having said that, the only time I actually used Karate in a school bullying situation, I did find a low-key way to use it. I was 16, a new boy of the same age, about six inches taller than me, was pretending to start a "friendly" boxing match with me, despite me repeatedly making clear I wasn't interested. As he advanced towards me I slapped him on the side of the face with a roundhouse kick off my leading foot. His face went white, he was literally so shocked by a foot appearing out of nowhere that he just walked away muttering something about kicking not being cricket... (Can you tell that this is a fond memory?)

(I mean literally just a slap - my style of Karate had very strict rules on non-contact during training so its normal for anyone who isn't a beginner to be able to focus a punch/kick to within an inch or two of an opponent without actually touching them. A couple of inches further is a slap, another couple of inches would hopefully be serious damage.)

MusicalEndorphins Sat 01-Feb-14 02:47:05

So Giggity, have your feelings towards your boyfriend changed since he showed you what he is made of?
And if the truth behind this post is that he has hit you, and is trying to justify it, please don't think it is "sometimes ok", it is NOT ok.

BillyBanter Sat 01-Feb-14 02:55:08

No one should hit anyone except in self defence or the defence of others. A man has as much right to defend himself against a woman as vice versa.

scantilymad Sat 01-Feb-14 05:59:44

Oh it's a goady thread? I did wonder that but didn't want to be told I was troll hunting. Bit pathetic, especially as DV is something a lot of people have lived or are living through.

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