Yes, I know I am... People who tutor their DCs within an inch of their lives and then boast about their achievements

(209 Posts)

Sorry, it does my head in

newmorning Fri 31-Jan-14 20:17:29

You're not being unreasonable to get wound up by boastful parents cos nobody likes a show-off but we have to admit that education is a wonderful thing and to want the very best results for your child at school has to be a good thing.

Totally agree that education is a wonderful thing, absolutely. It's the hot housing of kids outside of (a really good) school then making out like they are just naturally gifted that pisses me off . I just feel sorry for the child who will be reading the status and thinking "yes, but only because I wasn't allowed out for weeks leading up to mocks and unlike my pals have been tutored to death" .. Or maybe they are right and I'm wrong ?

HoratiaDrelincourt Fri 31-Jan-14 20:45:06

Excessive coaching for eg 11+ or entrance exams can do more harm than good, if a child ends up in a school s/he isn't actually clever enough for.

And when those parents boast about their children's attainment, they're actually only patting themselves on the back.

WaffilyVersatile Fri 31-Jan-14 20:48:29

if I put that sort of time and effort in and it was paying off then I would be a boasting betty and I wouldn't give a shit about what judgeypants people think!

Get that waffling... But child is being portrayed as a gifted genius... When child knows how much extra tuition they have had to get good - but not outstanding - results. Am worried about impact on her,rather than the tutoring per se

parakeet Fri 31-Jan-14 21:08:14

Is your primary concern really the impact on the child? You sound more like you are jealous.

guishagirly Fri 31-Jan-14 21:10:37

The schools are largely to blame for this tutoring epidemic. Look at any entrance test a lot of the content is not covered in school by the end of year 5 yet the poor 10 year olds are expected to know almost GCSE level.
Two things will happen. The naturally bright will be bored (year 7 repetes what was learnt at primary)and the over tutored will have to be tutored all the way through to A level.
I know children that have to get up at 5.30 am to do two hours work BEFORE school then another two hours when they get home.

QueenQuinine Fri 31-Jan-14 21:14:49

How do you know how much the child is tutored? They might just be academic.

Perhaps the parents are proud of the child for doing the extra work and putting in consistent effort? I'd be more impressed by that than I would be by natural aptitude alone.

Gardeningwithdcs Fri 31-Jan-14 21:21:32

Is the concept of an entrance exam alien to anybody else? Mine just went to the local secondary, we had the choice of 3 and chose the one with a good ofsted that friends went to.

DS had a maths tutor but it didn't seem to make any difference.

Our closest secondaries have gone partially selective, so the closest school without an entrance exam is further away and a tricky journey.

Am not jealous at all .... Could afford to have my DCs tutored if I thought it was the right thing to do. I think everyone should work to reach their potential but unfair to expect more . Know how much she's tutored a) because she tells my DD and b ) they have an activity timetable in their kitchen. I honestly have no issue with tutoring per se. Each to their own. More that the parents are trying to present DCs as naturally gifted, but the Dd at least knows how hard she has to work to deliver and I know it stresses her. Short of recording her conversations about it, not sure how else to prove that it's genuine concern.

endlesstidying Fri 31-Jan-14 21:37:06

I agree with you It worries me that the children get left with higher expectations than they can realisicially meet.

My friends dd was tutored for the 11+ from year 3. She got into grammar school (no surprise really given all the tutoring). Now she has THREE tutors outsise school to help her keep up with the rest of her year and she's still struggling with maths. i just feel sad for her sad

Endless - exactly. Wonder if it's the same child?!

everlong Fri 31-Jan-14 21:41:52

Blimey.
Why do you care so much?

Oakmaiden Fri 31-Jan-14 21:44:05

When you talk about mocks - are you referring to GCSE mocks? Or school entrance?

QueenQuinine Fri 31-Jan-14 22:57:20

How do you imagine that a tutor is going to help people achieve more than their potential, lilolilmanchester? By giving 110%, I presume?

Queen grin

I care because I am vey fond of and very close to one particular child and see the constant pressure and constant pushing, and lack of down time. Was probably a daft thread to start, should have known what responses I'd get.

persimmon Sat 01-Feb-14 08:05:27

A little judicious tutoring to strengthen a weak subject is OK, but constant tutoring which essentially pushes a child further than they can comfortably maintain independently is not. Children need to time to be children.

RubySparks Sat 01-Feb-14 08:14:25

Tutoring can be useful, we have used one for my son to make up for a poor teacher last year, so when it is targeted to specific needs it can work. Tutoring just to keep up seems more likely to stress the child and in a way it seems unfair that some children can benefit and do better just because their parents can afford to pay! I struggled with this unfairness a bit using tutor for my son but it is working for him and I guess I can't solve everyone's problems...

brettgirl2 Sat 01-Feb-14 08:15:10

yanbu I hate boasty parents whether their kids are tutored or not.

wordfactory Sat 01-Feb-14 08:19:00

Why is it brilliant to achieve through innate talent (pure luck) but terrible to achieve through hard graft?

Who said it was terrible to achieve through hard graft? I didn't say that, or didn't intend to say or imply that. Persimmon has articulated what I meant far better than I did. Will leave it here as ive had the answer to my question that iabu.

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