I had a BFP just over a week ago. I've got a doctor's appointment on Monday, which will be the first time I've mentioned anything to anyone other than DH. Maybe this is a bit early to be getting so wound up (can I blame hormones yet?), but...
DH wants to phone and tell his mum on Monday afternoon as soon as the doctor confirms it. At this point, I would be maybe 3/4 weeks pregnant (a rough estimate). I do not want to tell anyone important (i.e. our parents) a) on the phone and b) so early. DH is saying that it's not my secret to keep and that he doesn't see why he can't tell his mum on Monday and that he doesn't like being told he has to keep secrets - twisting my words as I just said I don't want to tell people so early, not that he has to actively lie to his mum or anything! No one knows we were trying, so no one would ask and have to be lied to.
We are visiting my parents at the end of February (they live 400 miles away). I would be 7/8 weeks pregnant by then, and I was expecting to tell them then, face-to-face. I would be ok with telling MIL either just before or just after that weekend, face-to-face or on the phone, whatever DH prefers (although I'd still prefer to tell her face-to-face as I think it would be nicer for her), but even 7-8 weeks feels a bit early to be telling anyone, it would only be because that's the only time we are seeing my parents that I would mention it that early. When we were ttc (so going back a few weeks, not exactly years), we had said we wouldn't tell anyone, including parents, til the first scan, but DH seems to have decided that's not even an option anymore.
We don't live that near MIL (70 miles) so it's not even like we'd be seeing her loads and having to not mention it. It never comes up in conversation (she's not nosy) so I seriously doubt it would be a case of her asking and DH having to lie to his DM, but tbh if she did ask, I wouldn't mind telling her - although I would want her to keep it to herself til the first scan, rather than tell the rest of the family who can be quite nosy and intrusive, and would probably start posting all over the internet about it (they have form for this).
So AIBU to want to keep it to ourselves a bit longer (to be on the safe side, to enjoy our secret, whatever), at least until the end of Feb (unless MIL asks outright, which is prob less than a 1% chance) or is DH being U for making me feel guilty for not wanting to tell anyone so soon?
Further, WIBU to insist? DH says he'll do what I ask, but 'won't be happy about it' if I insist on keeping it secret a few more weeks, and also that he won't lie to anyone regardless of what I say, so if his internet-crazed brother asks, he'll tell him, or his nosy aunt, or the postman...
He said he wanted to stop talking about it just now because he was getting angry because I said I didn't want to start telling people on Monday, and I now feel guilty, pressurised, angry with him, shocked that he's being so U (in my current opinion) and shocked that he wants to tell anyone so early - I don't know anything about risks but it just feels way too early to me. Am I being oversensitive?? (sobs into hanky)
Sorry it's so long!
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AIBU?
About when to tell close parents, or is DH?
68 replies
Orlea · 31/01/2014 18:21
OP posts:
NatashaBee ·
31/01/2014 18:23
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