Mil and my daughter

(86 Posts)
Kirkdale Fri 31-Jan-14 11:26:59

My mil is going to be looking after my dd for 2 days a week when I go back to work. I was going to go back full time but hate the thought of leaving her.
Anyway I used to be comfortable with mil before I had my dd. But now aibu that I really dislike the way she's going to look after my dd?
She says things like "I will bring her up how I brought up my other kids" and I keep saying but she's different and tell her how I want things done. She disregards what I tell her.

I tell her to keep her dog away from my child cos it's an grumpy jealous snappy thing yet every time she gives dd back to me she says "yes I called the dog over so he could smell her so he knows to protect her" from what, the f**in post man?

She also let my dd crawl down the hall way to the cat litter tray when I was using the bathroom and when I told her she must keep am eye on her cos she is not to go near litter/pet food etc she then says "oh its ok the cat doesn't shit in it she goes outside" she checked the tray later and the cat had shit in it.
She always keeps saying that she'll let dd play with the pet food. I think that's disgusting.

Am I wrong to keep having to tell her what to do? And saying to her to keep the dog away etc? (the dog has already bitten an adult and growls at me even tho I don't touch the animal)

I feel sick with worry when I have to leave her with mil but my OH says we have no choice as I have to work and can't afford a proper childminder or any other child care.

I know she's doing us a favour but it's making me ill!!

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot Fri 31-Jan-14 13:52:53

OP, you have atleast 4 choices here:

1) Dont go back to work
2) Accept the way your MIL does things, and the risk the dog might bite DD.
3) Tell you MIL that she has to look after your DD at your house without the dog.
4) Get other childcare.

What you do is up to you, but i would not be happy with my child around a snappy dog, that risk is not worth it, nor is the money you save.

MrsOakenshield Fri 31-Jan-14 13:55:51

well, I think you have more of a problem with your DP than your MIL - it seems that he thinks this is fine? And he's not prepared to support you and say so to MIL? Hmmm. Also, have you checked out your family's finances - I would not go on the basis that your DP says it's not affordable - check it out for yourself.

Kirkdale Fri 31-Jan-14 13:56:11

Thank you rumble. Very helpful.

Pigsmummy Fri 31-Jan-14 14:42:38

Your DH needs to grow a back bone and speak up, it is his child's safety at stake.

Just a thought, could your Mil look after your child at your home? Would take away the dog, litter and pet food issues?

Have you thought about a nanny share?

DoJo Fri 31-Jan-14 15:37:13

Surely it would make more sense for her to look after your daughter at home, if she will be taking care of her until 10pm? Won't she be in bed for some of the time?

youmustbejoking75 Fri 31-Jan-14 17:42:39

As my name says. Don't do it!!

MsAspreyDiamonds Fri 31-Jan-14 18:48:23

I pay �45 a day to leave my dd with a chdminder and it is money worth spending to ensure the safety of my child. Can you use her child benefit for childcare? Look into childcare tax credit and childcare vouchers towards funding an official childcare provider. There is no way I would leave my child with her under any circumstances.

MsAspreyDiamonds Fri 31-Jan-14 18:52:38
HappyTalking Fri 31-Jan-14 18:57:14

Your MIL is not going to listen to anything you say because as far as she is concerned she knows better.

I would start looking for an alternative immediately.

jellyandcake Fri 31-Jan-14 19:02:13

Would you qualify for tax credits if you were paying for childcare? What about a salary sacrifice scheme at work for childcare vouchers?

I accept my cm won't look after my child exactly as I would - she has her own style. But if I thought for a second she was compromising his safety - physical ie dogs/pet food etc or emotional ie shouting or 'picking on him' - I would find alternative care. It would cost a lot more as she is amazingly flexible and accommodating, doesn't charge for holidays/sickness etc. But child safety is non-negotiable.

(Fortunately my cm is great as well as affordable, I'm very lucky!)

Writerwannabe83 Fri 31-Jan-14 19:06:20

This is exactly why mine and DH's child will be going to a Childminder.

My DH suggested that his mom would be happy to have him for one or two days a week but I put my foot down and said absolutely not!! smile

Using Grandparents for Childcare can be a very dangerous option.... smile

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