or did I mislead this guy?

(32 Posts)
Suzieshine Thu 30-Jan-14 22:59:11

I've name changed for anonymity. I have just received some text messages from a guy I was recently dating and I'm shaking and upset, but don't know if I'm overreacting. Basically I met him online a month ago, after a couple of emails we met up and had a fantastic date, but unfortunately went cold afterwards. Stupidly slept together, but as adults I don't see the problem, the chemistry etc was great at the time. When I didn't hear from him afterwards I thought fine, he's not into me etc. I was a little disappointed but quickly got on with things.

Fast forward to last week, when he emailed me to apologise, saying he regretted not staying in touch but at the time was "scared of commitment" (his words). I replied saying ok, accepted apology. He asked if we could date again, I said yes.

Then tonight we had this conversation by text:

Him: Hi
Me: Hi
HIm: Can't get that night out of my head
Me: Yeah it was good
Him: off the scale good have to try it again
Me: Sure
Him: What do you fancy doing?
Me: What did you have in mind?
Him: U tell me
Me: Your call
Him: your call lol
Me: when were u thinking of?
Him: anytime
Me: weekend?
Him: I fancy sex in your kitchen
Me: I'm not not one night stands. I thought you wanted to meet up somewhere
Him: I want to make you orgasm many times
Me: I don't do one night stands sorry
Him: u know you want to do it again and again lol
Me: not if you're looking for a one night stand sorry
Him: I'll delete your number

My question is, am I a fool in thinking from his initial contact that he wanted to date again? As that's what I thought he was alluding to when he initially texted me tonight.... Does it appear from the texts that I have led him on in some way? As I certainly didn't mean to. I wold have loved to meet up for a date, would have considered more, but the cringey texts made me feel uncomfortable. I got the impression at the end of the "conversation" he was angry, and now I just feel used and annoyed at myself. I should really just forget about it, but for some reason it has really upset me.

We are both in our mid-30's btw.

issey6cats Thu 30-Jan-14 23:02:55

you have done nothing wrong hes just a sleaze who is only after sex, after the first date he has shown that he got what he was after and the disapearing act is quite common he probably thought ooh got sex last time maybe chance me arm again your better off without an idiot like that

pictish Thu 30-Jan-14 23:06:37

I can't fathom why you agreed to see him again in the first place! Nothing for a month and then some flimsy shite excuse about being scared of commitment. No one asked him to commit to anything! Sounds like he just picked an excuse out of a hat!

Fgs delete this creep. He's a shagger. His texts were completely inappropriate. he doesn't need to be led on...he's already there.
Yeuch!!

thenightsky Thu 30-Jan-14 23:07:52

He wanted to talk dirty with you by text, leading up to shagging you in your kitchen for thrills. He is not interested in a relationship.

You did not lead him on at all in my opinion, based on that text convo. In fact he was trying to push you into a mucky talk he could wank to.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Thu 30-Jan-14 23:08:01

I think you've had a lucky escape. Hes clearly not the one for you. Dont waste your energy on thinking about him thanks

PetiteRaleuse Thu 30-Jan-14 23:08:49

He's chancing it. Delete. Not worth the future heartbreak. You're a lucky escape smile

noddingoff Thu 30-Jan-14 23:09:38

well...I thought he was angling for a shag from "can't get that night out of my head" and definitely by "What (type of filthy sex) do you fancy doing?".
I definitely think he should have self corrected after your " I'm not into one night stands" text and, having failed to take that on board the first time, after your repetition of your statement he should have had the good grace to be a bit embarrassed and backed of instead of getting all Blurred Lines creepy "you know you want it", then stomping off in a huff after you calmly repeated yourself again to ram it through his thick skull. You definitely didn't lead him on.

AmberLeaf Thu 30-Jan-14 23:11:32

Chancer trying his luck.

You agreeing to see him again after a month of no contact probably gave him the impression that you were up for a casual shag.

Block his number and move on.

WhoNickedMyName Thu 30-Jan-14 23:12:21

Lesson learned - if you shag someone, then he doesn't contact you for a month, he's not that in to you.

He's a chancer. You were up for a one night stand last time so he tried again. No harm done.

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

piratecat Thu 30-Jan-14 23:14:09

don't give him another thought, you've not led hi on. he contacted you to offer some sort of apology, and slung the word commitment in to make it 'safe' to talk again.

Then he led you into casual exchange.

He still just wants a shag.

Suzieshine Thu 30-Jan-14 23:15:12

Thanks, your messages have cheered me up! I've now blocked his number, I can see now he was a creep, I stupidly thought when he asked what I fancied doing, that he meant going out for dinner or cinema or something like that!

I can also see now that his messages come across as a bit immature, but clearly he has no insight into this as he did come across as huffy/angry in his last text.

Thanks for the replies...

enriquetheringbearinglizard Thu 30-Jan-14 23:17:40

He really put lol in his texts?
He has far too many teenage hormones to be taken seriously on any count.

Delete his number and think no more of him.

NomNomNom Thu 30-Jan-14 23:18:22

thenightsky is spot on. You didn't lead him on at all. He sounded immature with all that 'your call', 'no your call' 'no your call lol'. Surely you can do better than this.

He sounds vile.

I'm glad you only wasted a dozen texts to find out he's just a shagging creep and didn't have to waste a whole evening in his company smile

You did nothing wrong. In fact you come across well, telling him to stick it if all he wants is a shag.

Mia4 Thu 30-Jan-14 23:26:30

Agreeing with whonickedmyname. He fancied a booty call and probably trawled his phone book. The whole commitment phobe thing sounds like a line though sadly.

You didn't mislead him, you did correct him regarding one night stands but since you had already done one he probably thought you could be swayed. People do presume that, believe me I've been there. Do it once and they think you will always be up for it again. Stupid of them but hey.

Sounds like a bit of miscommunication to start on both your parts

He's a dick for the 'im deleting your number' talk about sulky! You had lucky escape. Delete him op.

Why has it upset you so much? Because you really liked him? You didn't mislead him so please don't be upset wondering.

brokenhearted55a Thu 30-Jan-14 23:36:46

He's an arse. Dont have to look far to find a guy like that.

brokenhearted55a Thu 30-Jan-14 23:38:09

PS having done the online dating thing myself it really does hurt to be rejected even by someone you didnt see for very long. Hence my mn nickname :-(

Scarletohello Thu 30-Jan-14 23:43:50

Sleazy wankbadger! God reading that exchange made me so angry especially when he said he was going to delete your number. Yuk.

Def a lucky escape just a shame there seem to be so many men like that out there...

Thornita17 Thu 30-Jan-14 23:50:17

Him: I want to make you orgasm many times

Back when I was younger I used to often go on chatroulette type sites with mates for a giggle. You often came across comments like this, from random fellas with worse grammar to someone who was using google translate whilst masturbating into the camera waiting for a response... It was even funnier when the "girl" on our side was actually a male who put extensions in and shoved some socks down his top...
He sounds like one of them.

newmorning Thu 30-Jan-14 23:56:19

You had a great night with that guy, he decided not to call you afterwards (bastard!), he then found himself and his cock at a loose end, remembered you, and thought your fanny would cheer him and his cock up in their hour of need.

You did nothing wrong.

Forget him.

bragmatic Fri 31-Jan-14 00:02:11

Best response to his last text: I'll race you.

Suzieshine Fri 31-Jan-14 08:21:06

Thanks again everyone for replying! I feel better now having slept on it, and actually realise its better for this to have happened, rather than meet him at the weekend and then realise he was just looking for another shag.....

His loss I guess, tbh although I initially liked him (before and during the date) I doubt he'll have women queuing up at his door, I did get the impression he hasn't had that much experience with women!

newmorning Fri 31-Jan-14 08:39:11

"I did get the impression he hasn't had that much experience with women!"

He's got a little more now, thanks to you.

Let's hope he learns from it. wink

Mia4 Fri 31-Jan-14 08:41:56

I guess you know why he's had little experience with women op.

His loss, just don't let it put you off online dating. You can meet players anywhere.

pictish Fri 31-Jan-14 09:20:07

Bragmatic - that's brilliant!

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