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Not to want another baby on my son's activity mat?

(107 Posts)
Bankholidaybaby Wed 29-Jan-14 19:36:04

My baby is 22 weeks old, and was 7 weeks early. I'm being a little bit careful about avoiding winter bugs (everyone washes their hands when they come round, I don't go to many groups) but we're not on a total winter lockdown like some people with prem babies. I have a friend coming round soon with her ten month old girl. Last time she came, she put her baby on our mat, and baby grabbed and drooled on a lot of the toys. At that time, my baby wasn't yet using the mat, so I just washed and wiped it all down after they'd left.

So, would I be unreasonable to ask my friend not to let her daughter slobber on my son's things? I know he's got to be exposed to lergies, but as he was almost two months early, his immune system isn't as robust as other babies his age, hence me being what I hope is cautious without being unreasonable. I gather that bronchiolitis, for example, would possibly have us back in hospital, so I want to avoid RSV.

In the spring, I'll relax a bit, but in the meantime...

Wwyd? Aibu?

SweepTheHalls Wed 29-Jan-14 19:37:47

Honestly? YABU. If you don't want her daughter to play, don't invite her. I would be really offended if I came round and my child wasn't allowed to play.

makesamesswhenstressed Wed 29-Jan-14 19:38:05

Well, I'd say be concerned about whether her baby is poorly - I would still rather avoid having ill children over to my house - but I think mandating what her baby can play with, if not ill, is a teensy bit PFB.

Dawndonnaagain Wed 29-Jan-14 19:39:33

total winter lockdown? Really? and everyone washes their hands. Honestly, and without being rude, but rather being concerned, I think you perhaps need to talk to your health visitor about this.

LingDiLong Wed 29-Jan-14 19:40:43

Yes, you would be unreasonable. You'd be better off just not inviting her! Why can't you just let her play with his stuff and then wash it after?

If you want to manage it in a more tactful way I'd make up separate baskets of toys for each child and say that YOUR baby is just getting over a cold or bug of some kind and you think it's best they don't share toys in case he passes it on.

JoinYourPlayfellows Wed 29-Jan-14 19:41:05

If your baby is that delicate, then you can't have other babies or children over ever.

If you invite a 10 month old baby to your home, you can demand that they don't "slobber" on stuff.

She's a baby.

Sirzy Wed 29-Jan-14 19:41:22

If you invite them into your house then you can't really stop the baby from playing with things.

YABU and I say that as a mum of a bronchi baby but you can't avoid illnesses.

Yabu. He is 22 weeks old, even if you say that's 15 weeks corrected that's still over 3 months and their immune system is pretty healthy at that point. Also, his immune system will never get any stronger if he's not exposed to anything.

In your shoes I would tell your friend of your concerns.

However at 10 months the little girl may be mobile and crawling over to your boy and his toys anyway, regardless of what measures you put in place.

ProfessorDoredumble Wed 29-Jan-14 19:41:50


ROARmeow Wed 29-Jan-14 19:42:32


Spring time is chicken pox season, so if you think that in 2 months or so you'll be less anxious, fair enough, but I think you're always going to have coughs, viruses, lurgy of some sort to contend with.

Your friend (I assume) would only bring her DD and herself round if they were in decent health, so not letting her on activity mat is a bit extreme. Are you not going to let her touch any of his toys either?

Your heart is in the right place, but a BU in the extreme.

Figster Wed 29-Jan-14 19:42:46

Er yes yabu don't ask her round with a 10mo old she can't help exploring her surroundings.

If you said it to me I'd be leaving sharpish

Mrswellyboot Wed 29-Jan-14 19:42:50


That's so sad. Fair enough you don't want cross infection but you are being a tiny bit mean about the other little baby

pianodoodle Wed 29-Jan-14 19:43:25

I understand about being anxious I've suffered from anxiety, but I think letting another baby play on the mat and with toys is fine.

If she had anything to catch the solution would be not having her over at all and I doubt stopping her from touching the toys would make a difference to that.

Sorry, I think you're over thinking things.
My dts were 30 weekers, so I get how you're feeling.
However, he is 22 weeks, so 15 corrected. I take it he is doing really well and thriving ? Has he got any issues like chronic lung disease from prematurity ? In all honestly I would try to relax a bit.
It won't be long before he is putting everything in his mouth, he will be picking up germs anyway.

JanePurdy Wed 29-Jan-14 19:43:51

There is no way you can invite a 10m baby round then refuse to let them touch anything. Maybe you could meet up next year?

Avalon Wed 29-Jan-14 19:44:21

Ask her to bring her own mat.

I don't think that's unreasonable in your situation.

lunar1 Wed 29-Jan-14 19:44:30

Its fine if thats what you want to do but i really wouldn't want to visit you with my children. what fun could it possibly be for you friend trying to keep her baby away from your things and knowing that if your child gets ill, you will probably blame her.

OHforDUCKScake Wed 29-Jan-14 19:46:48

I have a child severely allergic to milk (amongst many other things) and I used to have heart palpitations when another baby (who was ff) put his toys in their mouth.
Id avoid places with toys and friends houses while he was still in the mouthing/oral stage.

There was one friend who 'sectioned off' some toys that she had wiped down so we were able to go round to hers. We did it a few times, all the while I was wondering whether if I was being over cautious until one day at aforementioned friends house he got his mitts on those little wooden stacking dolls. Didnt look like their was a mark on it, he put it to his mouth and within a minute he had hives and his lip began to swell.

My heart was going mad, I had the adrenalin to hand incase it escalated. It didnt, thank fuck. But it made me realise that all these precautions werent me being irrational and paranoid, but doing damage limitaitons.

You might be unreasonable for doing it, but it was you that endured the fright and worry of having such a premature baby (which hasnt gone yet understandably).
If you feel like you are helping or protecting your baby then wipe the toys down afterwards.
You dont need a lot of people on here telling you you are being unreasonable and making you feel bad for it when you are already worrying.

She is still very young.

If you were worrying that much or doing that when she was a year old and healthy then it might be an issue.

But, although our situations are different, I totally understand that fear.

YANBU for feeling that fear and wanting to remedy it. Dont stop the other baby playing on the mat, just anti bac it afterwards.

SarahBumBarer Wed 29-Jan-14 19:46:57

I also wonder if you should talk to your HV about anxiety? My daughter has a genetic heart condition and is a bit prone to infections/bad reactions but jeesh! I occasionally monitor her heart a bit excessively - I don't lock up her toys in case another baby slobbers on them.

Spend less time with people who go on winter lockdowns!

TheXxed Wed 29-Jan-14 19:47:38

I suggest you don't invite your friend over, I would hate to visit someone under these circumstances.

treas Wed 29-Jan-14 19:48:56

My dd was premature and weighed 3lbs at birth - we were told to treat her as we would treat a normal term and weight child.

She is now approaching teen hood and you wouldn't know that her start to life was not as it should have been.


Dawndonnaagain Wed 29-Jan-14 19:49:25

I'd like to point out here that my twins were born at 33 weeks. 2lb120zs and 3.2. They were September babies, we made it through that first winter without isolating anybody.

Bankholidaybaby Wed 29-Jan-14 19:51:05

I thought I might be being unreasonable - thank you for confirming! There really are families with prem babies who lock down over winter to avoid RSV - no shopping centres, baby groups, no one can touch the baby without using hand gel etc. When I hear about that, I worry I'm not being careful enough, but I've tried to find a balance between informed caution and hospital hygienic!

I think at 15 weeks corrected, he's probably been exposed to a fair bit, that's true. I'm not crazy clean with him, just careful with his bottles and milk and he's pretty healthy, I just worry about Other People and their undisclosed germs!

I'll try to calm down, loosen up the PFB anxieties and let the girl on the playmat. I know my friend would tell me and not come if they were unwell.

Thank you!

LIZS Wed 29-Jan-14 19:51:18

tbh he is far more likely to catch RSV from another adult incubating a cold, while holding , sneezing, coughing etc anywhere than another baby's dribble. Bronchiolitis doesn't necessarily require hospital treatment.

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