To have never worried for a second about the possibility of my children being abducted...

(327 Posts)
curlew Tue 28-Jan-14 12:33:14

......and to have never, as far as I can remember, made any decisions based on the possibility or factored it in to any plans I have made or actions I have taken?

Is this unusual? Do most people worry about this?

3bunnies Tue 28-Jan-14 13:06:28

I guess though my dc aren't exposed in the way we were in the 70s. I know that at the age of 5 I would go to the corner shop alone with some pocket money. It was about a 5 min walk. I wouldn't send my 4.5 yr old on same trip, maybe I would send my nearly 9yr old though.

Elderberri Tue 28-Jan-14 13:08:09

My mum clamped down after the incident, but when I was about ten she let me go where I wanted, again. She made sure I was well prepared to deal with stuff.

Clumsyoaf Tue 28-Jan-14 13:09:03

Aspielas it didn't happen to me - and i wasnt there, but it was enough to make me extra vigilant when visiting this mall. At around that time they did have these paper wrist bands at the concierge desk. But I haven't seen them lately.

RandyRudolf Tue 28-Jan-14 13:12:08

Back in the 70s there was more opportunity for this to happen. More kids walked to and from school and played out on the streets. These days they are in their parents car or on school buses. Kids spend more time in clubs or sat inside playing on computer games etc. So there's probably the same amount of perverts now as there was back then, just less opportunity for the f**kers to strike.

notso Tue 28-Jan-14 13:13:48

I don't, the same way I don't worry about them being in a car crash or run over. I don't worry that I will be raped or mugged or that our home will be burgled.
Bad things sometimes happen, in most cases there isn't anything anyone could do to stop it. It is horrible to think about it but it is the truth.

DS2 has a peanut allergy. He is only three so what he comes into contact with is mostly in my control and I can keep him safe. I am however fully aware I can't always do this, I have to let him have a life and not let the threat he lives with become his life.

I do in general worry about thid but thst worry is eclipsed by traffic and general wandeing off getting lost worries

I think those who don't have these worries are very lucky, my DDs were involved in an "incident" nine years ago, they are now 10 and 12, they were safe in the end - no physical injuries and DD1 was too young to clearly explain what had happened so no one was prosecuted, and of course DD2 was a baby. They have no memory of it as far as anyone can tell. I had PTSD afterwards; once it had been treated I felt I worried a lot less, back to "normal" levels perhaps?! But initially I would be literally sick with panic if they were behind a rail of clothes in a shop. You just have to take "sensible" risks I suppose, e.g., I let them walk the dog round the corner and back but not to the park.

It doesn't make you a better parent or person if you have never had anything awful happen and as a result of that believe that nothing ever will!!

Once we were looking to move and my friend and I saw a lovely house in a village and we were saying oh look at all the land, and it had a communal garden at the end of the road, beautiful place, and she was saying how fabulous you can let the kids run around, and I said well, you could, but sadly after what happened, I couldn't.

gotthemoononastick Tue 28-Jan-14 13:16:06

When I was a little girl in the 50's a boy was abducted and murdered under a bridge.We were aware of it,although not the gory(sex crime) details and warned that the world is dangerous.

My daughters were flashed by a man when they were teenagers riding home on their bikes.They had the tools to deal with it,including not turning it into a huge drama,as they were warned about sick individuals.

We all grew up on Grimm's fairy tales,before Disney got hold of them.Dark stuff there and loads of life lessons.Not so PC nowadays I think.

MomsStiffler Tue 28-Jan-14 13:18:00

I get where you're coming from OP. A lot of people seem to work themselves up worrying unnecessarily.

Try to think back to the last time a child abduction by a stranger was reported on the news. It's not something that'd keep me awake at night, it definitely wouldn't stop me camping!

When I was 9 I was dragged down an ally and attacked. I think about it all the time and I have become very over protective of my children.

It has affected my life terribly.

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 13:19:21

If your DCs aren't exposed to situations where they're on their own then I suppose there is no need to teach them about strangers etc or factor in any plans or actions in what you do. Curlew doesn't say how old they are so maybe they're young and never left alone so perhaps that's why he/she hasn't worried about it. I don't see how you can let any kid go off on their own though when they are of that age where they want independence without some rudimentary instructions and warnings, not just about strangers about all sorts of things.

PatrickStar that's awful I am so sorry - no wonder you feel like that. As I say, if something has never happened to you then you won't be worried, surely its that simple. Perhaps OP could explain a bit more?

Elderberri Tue 28-Jan-14 13:22:54

Agreed @randyrudolf.

Given the very small sample on this thread, who have had one or multiple experiences, I think if thousands were asked we would be shocked.

I mean Ffs..jimmy saville.

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 13:23:33

There's worrying unnecessarily and there's not worrying at all. A middle ground has to be found - arm your kids with strategies, prepare them, give them age appropriate examples of things that could happen, doesn't have to be scary, then let them have their freedom knowing you've done everything you can. It's important to give them a voice and tell them if they don't like a situation they're in then they can speak up and they can shout if necessary. Kids are programmed not to question adults authority so I think it's important to tell them you're not going to be cross if they don't just go along with things.

cory Tue 28-Jan-14 13:24:18

I think there's a big difference between rudimentary instruction (in the same way as you would instruct them about roads and streams and other potential hazards) and actually letting the fear guide your life (as in never going camping or never letting an 11yo out of sight).

If the OP meant the second then I'd have to say I've never worried- as in going around worrying about it, avoiding normal activities etc. But if we're just talking about a few general reminders before letting a child out to play, I expect most people do those.

Kids are programmed not to question adults authority so I think it's important to tell them you're not going to be cross if they don't just go along with things.

That's a really good point Tabliope although mine were too young to speak up for themselves, but in general that's good advice. However if someone is determined to harm a child, sadly, I think they will sad

PandaFeet Tue 28-Jan-14 13:26:58

The shopping centre story sounds like a variation on the late night petrol station urban legend.

I do worry about this. But then I worry a lot. And I know people who have been flashed at or approached. It was common. I haven't heard of it happen recently though.

My mum was raped when she was 16 and my sister was raped by two men just before xmas.
My great granddad was in a paedophile ring.. ( I have name changed recently)

To me this is just part of life and I don't want anything to happen to my kids. My son who is 12 has only just been allowed to play out until 6pm and even then I feel panicked.

Algorta Tue 28-Jan-14 13:28:06

I'm always amazed by these threads at the numbers of people who have encountered potential abductors. I grew up in the 70s, played out and about and never had any experience of dodgy strangers. Neither did any of my siblings, my friends, or my partner's family and friends. Yet some people and their children have had multiple experiences. I wonder why?

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 13:30:17

Thing is Cory the OP sounds like Curlew hasn't given any thought to it which I find unusual. It's not all or nothing. Most people have got the balance right. Some might be more paranoid about somethings - like sleeping in tents - others about other things. Under the age of about 9 I wouldn't have let my DS sleep in a tent alone in the garden as I remember a little girl being abducted from one in similar circumstances and that has stuck with me. Your own personal experiences in life cloud where you are on the scale of protectiveness. If you're being OTT you have to rein it in so it doesn't affect your kids' lives. That's common sense but we all do what we think is in our kids' best interests. Saying that I think I'd prefer too much than too little, relatively speaking, in case the worst happened.

stickysausages Tue 28-Jan-14 13:32:10

You're either very lucky... or very complacent...

MsGee Tue 28-Jan-14 13:32:14

I worry about everything. I co-sleep with DD (5) on holiday and I am over cautious a lot of the time. I realise that family & friends are more likely to be a danger than anyone else, so worry about this too.

However, most of my worries are just going on in my head - she doesn't seem to have less freedom than her classmates to be honest (apart from things like she won't be going on sleepovers to families I don't know at this age) and the co-sleeping is simply seen as me relaxing the rules on holiday (she would prefer to co-sleep every night) but perhaps it will be more obvious when she is older.

I realise that this is my issue, stemming back to my childhood and my subsequent experiences as a parent and feelings of failure to protect the children I didn't carry to term (miscarriages and TFMR). I know that my job is to prepare her for the world and I am trying to do that alongside my urge to protect her so I check my behaviour a lot to see if it is simply sensible or over cautious.

curlew Tue 28-Jan-14 13:35:07

"You're either very lucky... or very complacent..."

I don't think I'm either. I think I'm realistic.

MsGee Tue 28-Jan-14 13:37:04

Tali I think that sometimes if something happens in childhood, then subsequent experiences are less likely to be brushed off and more likely to both have an impact and be remembered. Also sometimes people can just be statistically unlucky.

RandyRudolf Tue 28-Jan-14 13:39:01

These days it's the risk of the pervert who get into your homes via the internet. Just as you teach your kids about stranger danger on the streets you have to protect them from the ones on the net.

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