To have never worried for a second about the possibility of my children being abducted...

(327 Posts)
curlew Tue 28-Jan-14 12:33:14

......and to have never, as far as I can remember, made any decisions based on the possibility or factored it in to any plans I have made or actions I have taken?

Is this unusual? Do most people worry about this?

Elderberri Tue 28-Jan-14 12:36:06

Be thankful you do not live in fear.

As someone who was dragged out of an abductors car at the age of five by a family member I have not had that luxury .

AspieLass Tue 28-Jan-14 12:37:05

Was your abductor caught Elderberry ?

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 12:37:37

Curlew, have you never said to your kids don't go off with strangers? What ages are the?

AwfulMaureen Tue 28-Jan-14 12:39:00

Well this is an odd op. I don't exactly worry about it but I do try to remain vigilant about how to educate my DC in the event that something DID happen.

Not only abduction but any abuse. I don't think about it a lot. I let mine play outside...but some people have anxiety disorders and focus on these things. ...so not "most people" no.

AwfulMaureen Tue 28-Jan-14 12:41:13

I don't say "Don't go off with strangers" Tabilope as most of these things are perpetrated by people the child knows. I tell them that if someone...anyone...even if they know them...tells them to come with them...then they are NOT TO GO no matter what the person says. They MUST ask mummy or their teacher first.

I also tell them that if they ever get lost in the shops or street, that they are to go to the lady or man behind the counter and tell them what has happened. ..and that they NEVER leave the shop.

I have told them that if they get lost in the street or something, they are to find a shop...or a phone box.

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 28-Jan-14 12:42:28

I worry about all sorts of things. Well not worry all the time but I'm aware of stuff, eg, them drowning near water/getting run over/going off with a stranger.

I don't obsess but when you read a story of an abduction do you never for a second worry that could happen to one of your children?

Elderberri Tue 28-Jan-14 12:43:34

No, He scared me to getting into the car, as he said I should not be in that place, I was in trouble, but my uncle saw what happened, my uncle was only a teen at the time, and shot over and wrestled me out the car.

I learned fast though, I was approached a couple of times by men in cars when older, I was confident at telling them to push off.

It was the 70's.

lilyaldrin Tue 28-Jan-14 12:44:37

I've not really worried so far, but DS is only 3.5 so is never off on his own without me/a relative/nursery teacher etc. I guess things might change as he gets older and more independent.

curlew Tue 28-Jan-14 12:47:29

I am very sorry that happened to you, elderberri.

I have talked to my children about keeping themselves safe-that they can always say no to grown ups and no nice grown up would mind. And that no nice grown up would ever ask them to do something that they weren't comfortable with , or that they were asked to keep secret. I am obviously aware that abuse happens, and that children need to be aware of it. But no, I have never talked to they about going off with strangers.

This thread was actually prompted by somebody saying that they won't go camping because they would worry about their child being taken, and someone I was with last week not letting their 8 year old go to the loo in Costa alone "because this one has two doors".

RandyRudolf Tue 28-Jan-14 12:49:13

Two men tried to entice me into a car when I was a child, I'd gone round to the local shop for my mum. Another guy approached me outside my school after netball practice. I was very 'street wise' as a child. I walked to and from school and my mum drilled it into me never to talk to strangers. I was still allowed to play out in the street though. I think there are opportunists out there, it's just about being vigilant that's all.

It was on the local news yesterday that two men had been arrested for the attempted abduction of a toddler. They were believed to have been associated with a trafficking ring. I think these type of people are the biggest threat these days, them and the and gangs that groom. Though they tend to target more vulnerable youths in the system.

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 12:50:47

I agree with you AwfulMaureen, there's a range of stuff you warn your DCs about when they reach an age where they're more independent - including don't go off with strangers although I remember saying don't go off with anyone really even friends' parents unless you've told me first. I thought this common sense - you safeguard your child and give it strategies for situations that could crop up. On the whole they don't crop up but if they do it could be too late after the event. You don't have to get paranoid about it but I thought that was just parenting. You have to plan for these things. As a kid I was given a lot of freedom. I also remember a few dodgy situations - men stopping the car saying my mum had told them to pick them up, the classic come and see my puppies. A few incidences up the woods that really could have turned hairy - one where a 16 year old boy threatened me and my friends age about 9 he'd shoot up (he had a gun) if we didn't do as we were told. If my parents hadn't given me strategies to cope if strange things happen they would have been negligent in my view.

I have never factored the possibility of my children being abducted into any plans I have made.
I let them, at age 8 go to the toilet by themselves.
I told them that if they got lost in a shop they should stay in the shop and tell someone who works there but I never worried that they would be abducted.
They all played out in front of the house and all walked to school and back aged 10.

No, I have never worried about this as what other people do is not in my control.

Even with children I've looked after that have been at risk of abduction by family members I've never worried about it. Put the maximum amount of safeguarding in we could but after that if someone broke into their school and grabbed them it wouldn't have been preventable by me.

Dawndonnaagain Tue 28-Jan-14 12:53:37

A chap tried to entice me into a car when I was about ten. I ran like the wind to tell my parents.
Some twenty years later a chap entered my son's school playground and tried to get my son to go to his car for some chocolate buttons, fortunately son had heard what had happened to Mum and ran to the headteacher. So, yes you're lucky not to have to think about it. I do hope you have taught them about stranger danger, though.

Clumsyoaf Tue 28-Jan-14 12:54:12

I have two little ones, and never really gave this much thought - on holiday maybe. My friend was shopping in a large shopping centre (very well known) with her three children around two years ago. As she went to exit the mall the automatic doors would not open, she told me she stepped back and forth continuously as did others but no joy. A couple of minutes later she was approached by four security people who asked her to accompany them to the security office.

She told me that at the time she was genuinely scared that one of the two children not in the buggy had taken something from a store without paying....

When she got to the office she was told that they had intervened as whilst she had been at the shopping center -(close on 4 hours) she was being trailed by a known pedophile. They showed her images of them whilst eating at McDonalds whilst this man was looking on behind a board (the food court was undergoing a refurb) and various other images as she walked around.

They didnt want him to identify her vehicle, or follow her home. She admitted she was frazzled and the kids had been running ahead/ playing up etc.

Since this I am always fearful - this shopping mall at that time did introduce a orange balloon system, whereby if a child gets separated they are to go to the paying point of any store with this balloon - parents a re given a wrist band upon which to leave contact details so security can contact you. But I haven't seen any of this since then.

3bunnies Tue 28-Jan-14 12:54:13

I would be vigilant but it wouldn't stop me going anywhere or doing something with them. I worry more about them dying through illness or accident although I know that even this is probably daft.

Well, my children were born in Colombia, then we moved to Mexico City…(!)

So I have and to be pretty "paranoid" in daily life for the first 6 years of their lives!

But I guess, now we are in the UK I feel a bit calmer, but never completely get rid of the paranoia!

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 12:57:21

I notice a few people have said the same things about strangers approaching them. I grew up in the 70s too and this is when a few incidents happened to me like that. Curlew you might not have said directly to your DCs about strangers but you have taken some actions by the things you've told them. My dad always said prepare for the worst - although it's unlikely it'll happen. Doesn't have to be OTT but I do think it's negligent to live in a bubble where you don't imagine anything bad will happen like abduction. The few posters above me and I have mentioned incidents whereby strangers have approached kids. It happens. Why not have these conversations. Doesn't have to be scaremongering. I remember other incidents when I was younger. A 2 year old neighbour went missing for an hour. Some girls had taken him for a walk. I don't think anything happened but I do remember the street out looking for him, the police being called, his frantic mother. I also remember another incident where a little girl in another street age about 3 got into my dad's car when he'd left it unlocked and was playing in it. What if it had been someone with not so good intent?

SamU2 Tue 28-Jan-14 12:58:00

I am with you OP.

I do not understand all the panic around it.

cory Tue 28-Jan-14 13:02:05

my MIL was also narrowly rescued from an abductor but she never let that dictate how she brought up her own children

dd nearly died from falling off some play equipment: I took very good care that she did not develop a longterm fear of physical activity and equipment

I know people who have been in bad car crashes, sometimes losing dear friends or relatives, but who still let their children travel by car

my db has lost several friends to shipping accidents but still used to take his children onboard

in fact, most of us have probably had close shaves with death whether we realise it or not

I think a lot of it is how you deal with the ensuing trauma and in the case of abduction this is not made easier by the way it is treated in the media, as an ever-present threat. If we had the same constant fear-mongerging articles about the dangers of the road or the playground it would be far, far harder to overcome any personal trauma we may have suffered.

Tabliope Tue 28-Jan-14 13:03:00

I never told my parents about any of the incidents that happened to me - we were also flashed a few times up the woods when we were playing. Luckily nothing major happened. I had that freedom but I know exactly what came with it with all the weirdos. Not a one-off incident either. It would therefore never have rested easy for me not to have taught my DC how to cope in certain situations. It hasn't curbed him at all. In fact I think he's got more independent than most but for my piece of mind I prepared him for what could (although probably wouldn't) happen. If you don't to my mind it's like sending lambs to the slaughter. If they're going off alone the deserve to know what could happen and what they need to do to stay safe. After that you've done your bit and if anything happens then at least you won't feel guilty.

Elderberri Tue 28-Jan-14 13:03:19

Interestingly, do you think that some children seem to experience more of this type of thing than others.

Tbh, I have been repeatedly bothered by strange men all my life, even to the point of being 9 months preg, walking down the street, and being hasstled by a car of men, saying disgusting stuff.

At 18, biking home on a busy road with slowish moving cars, I felt a hand on my bum, a group of me in a car, keeping pace with me, with on reaching out and touching my bum. I could have been killed.

Add to that pervy teachers, etc.

I wonder if men did this type of thing more back then as nobody sort of really cared like they do now about safeguarding.

AspieLass Tue 28-Jan-14 13:04:01

I'm sorry but I don't believe that whole shopping centre door story and four security guards

KitZacJak Tue 28-Jan-14 13:05:00

I don't worry overly about this but that is mainly because my children don't have many opportunities to be abducted. They are either at school, or with me or trusted friends and family. I think I will worry more when they are older and have more freedom.

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