to be really cheesed off by this?

[winkywinkola]

Dh working from home.

I give dcs their supper. Homemade meatballs, hidden veg sauce and orzo.

They eat it all but ds2 (aged 4) complains its spicy but wants more meatballs and sauce. Eh? He's not finished his orzo anyway.

Dh decides to give them all one of those tins of Peppa Pig pasta on top of what they've had.

Why? I feel like he completely undermines me by doing this. I gave them 4 large meatballs each. They had plenty of home cooked food, one child says it's too spicy and he gives them this shit stuff. Why? Isn't that just saying mum'a food isn't good enough, here you are have this instead.

I feel like he does this all the time to try and be Father Christmas dad. Lots of sweets, makes cakes every day for them (ready mix stuff which is fine) but not every day.

Everything I try and do I feel like is somehow not exciting enough and he will up the ante.

We can't work as a team in this way.

[winkywinkola]

And of course it's not about the extra pasta. Well it is but it's just indicative of his behaviour. IMO.

[winkywinkola]

Bump

[bodygoingsouth]

have you told him? he works from home, sending some issues here?

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

I am hesitant to type this cos its going to sound really patronising and it's not meant to, honestly!
But have you sat down with him and explained how you feel and discussed the important parenting things and agreed how to handle them and above all elsr, the importance of the united front?

He is their dad. He isnt their mate and he shouldnt try to be.

[winkywinkola]

I've told him over and over.

He just doesn't understand.

It's just a tin of pasta. Which he bought. Why?

It's just sweeties/ cupcakes etc.

I mean when ds1 was little baby I asked dh not to give him juice. I walked back into house five minutes later having forgotten something, ds1 is having juice from a sippy cup and refused water from then on.

The dcs adore him. Of course, he's their dad but he constantly has to be the fun, sugar toting one.

It really pisses me off. Had an almighty row about it and he said I was just being a bitch about a tin of pasta.

[Arealmanithink]

Meh..

[curiousuze]

Did he really call you a bitch? That's harsh. You both need to come to a compromise on this - could you agree to one crappy meal a week, and maybe two nights of puddings he's in charge of?

[Scholes34]

Teach him how to make a proper cake, not from a packet. Far too sweet and yuck!

[brettgirl2]

yanbu don't know know what to suggest.

[UriGeller]

Don't buy the stuff. I can't think of anything else to say.

DP and I are constantly having "what do you think if..." Conversations where we figure out our 3yo ds's behaviours and tantrums, reasoning and agreeing on plans. You both need to be on the same side. Has he any interest in child psychology or nutrition? I find men (sorry to generalise) grasp things better if there's a science angle.

Stick to your guns though. You're the one in the right by trying to give your dcs a healthy diet.

[DameFanny]

Yanbu. Can you get him reading the labels and looking at the hidden sugars? Does he want his children to be at anincreased risk of obesity and heart problems?

[winkywinkola]

He just wants to make the dcs happy. He was overweight as a child. Dieted as a child too. He's fine now in terms of weight.

I've just been shopping after having out all dcs to bed. I've come back to find eldest 2 up and messing around with him in the kitchen. They were very tired this am because of another late night last night. Why didn't he send them up to bed again?

I get them to bed by 7.30pm. The eldest two are 8 and 6. They get up at 6 sharp no matter what time they go to bed hence the need for them to get to bed at a reasonable hour. They look wretched and are pretty vile otherwise.

I'm sick of my every turn wrt parenting being the opposite to him.

I don't think we can carry on as a team tbh.

[winkywinkola]

I don't buy it. HE buys it.

[winkywinkola]

Right. I will simply take the stuff back to the supermarket when I see it. Or donate it.

In the mornings he's usually off to the city from 7.30am. So he's not that involved in getting them.

I just feel like parenting is bloody hard work, trying to get even the basic like bedtimes and good meals sorted. I find it stressful at the best of times and when he's acting like Mr Bountiful, it's even more tricky.

My eldest totally recognises what is happening and plays on it. If I say no then he'll go straight to his dad to ask.

Overall I think it's v bad for the dcs.

It sounds trivial but it really upsets me. Is he so insecure that he needs to be their friend?

[diddl]

What was "eh" about one wanting more meatballs and sauce?
I can't see the problem with giving extra food tbh.

Was there no more home cooked left?

[diddl]

Obvs it's a problem when you say no & he gives in.
Mine knew that that wouldn't work but would sometimes tell my husband that I had said it was up to him when in fact I had already said no.
That didn't last long, though!

[winkywinkola]

Diddl, ds2 had pasta and sauce left on plate. Ample. No prob with extra food but he didn't need it.

[diddl]

But why couldn't he have had more meatballs if there were some?

I do think that doing the pasta sauce thing was odd of your husband though.

If the meal has all gone and someone is still hungry, there's bread/toast, yogurts or fruit.

[winkywinkola]

There were no more meatballs. He's had 4 big ones. I wanted him to eat the hidden veg sauce and pasta. Balance and all that. I don't really think this is the point though tbh.

[winkywinkola]

I can't parent with him around.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Would you consider marriage guidance?
What would he say if you said you can't carry on like this?