To want to offer up to all the fat shamers...

(599 Posts)
WichitaLineman Mon 27-Jan-14 13:57:35

... On mumsnet who peddle the old "fat people are lazy and lack will -power" or proffer their simplistic formula of "eat less, move more" an incredibly succinct description of food addiction by Marcus Brigstocke. I will admit that that sentence isn't quite so succinct wink

"Eating is different [from drug addiction]; it's dirty, it's horrible - you do it on your own and you wear it. [With] alcohol and drugs, you have moments of sobriety, [but] you don't stop being fat. You wear it; everyone can see it - it is a brand… an overcoat of shame for everyone to see.

"You despise yourself, you make promises to yourself, you say 'I had a bad day, that was bad but that means this is baseline and I can start', then you go and break those promises and do it again, and worse.

"Eating disorders are more pervasive and subtle [than alcohol and drugs] and availability and acceptability are much higher... the ”high“ comes from the totally full-up feeling ”It is an anaesthetic. You lie like a python digesting what you have, it slows your brain down and you are physically inert. Numb and dull, that is the feeling you get."

Whilst I am not saying that every obese person is a compulsive overeater, I wold wager that most are, including myself. This has resonated with me and is the best description I have read of the self-loathing involved in compulsive overeating. It is a faulty mechanism to deal with emotional pain and the fat shamers can't cause any more shame than we already feel for ourselves.

Whilst there are many people on mn who are understanding, I am always appalled by those who aren't. Please think on this when those threads come up. Thank you.

wonderingsoul Mon 27-Jan-14 14:37:49

Eating is different [from drug addiction]; it's dirty, it's horrible - you do it on your own and you wear it. [With] alcohol and drugs, you have moments of sobriety, [but] you don't stop being fat. You wear it; everyone can see it - it is a brand… an overcoat of shame for everyone to see.

wow.. that really hit acord with me, i cant put into words how, but it really rings true for me.

as a kid food/sweets was a reword.. didnt see much of etheir parent.. so sweets soften the blow..

i also use food for a reward now , if im feeling really happy ill treat myself t o some nice to top the day off ... if im depressed.. i binge eat... its just a viouse horrible relationship with food. and i wish i could just not eat all together!

which idid for a while on the cambridge diet.. lost 7 stone.... put i tall back on with in a year or two.. and my god the guilt over that.. its crippling.

and its true when you hate yourself that much and your self esteem is lower then snals poop its hard to be kind to yourself and to help your self.

WichitaLineman Mon 27-Jan-14 14:38:00

Brilliant, Poloholo - I have just remembered reading that and thinking how very, very true it is in my experience.

2tiredtocare Mon 27-Jan-14 14:39:11

Don't be ashamed OP thanks

ShephardsDelight Mon 27-Jan-14 14:39:14

Good thread, this seems to be the one issue where people are allowed to be openly vitrolic.

I once made a post about how annoying it was to be forced things like 'consultant' and other measure when in 2 pregnancies I have not even so much as a wavering blood pressure and that fat doesn't always = ill,

All I got of one poster was, "FFS a consultants time is expensive loose some weight before getting pregnant" cunt.
sorry thats not helpful but apt in this particular situation.

Pregnant women who choose to smoke and drink literally get less abuse, its astounding!!!!

Viviennemary Mon 27-Jan-14 14:43:43

I'd like to be slimmer. But being overweight isn't healthy. I don't quite know what you are getting at by your first post. And it isn't claptrap about risks and being overweight. It's a fact. So no point in being in denial.

WichitaLineman Mon 27-Jan-14 14:45:25

I don't quite know what you are getting at with your post either Vivienne. So that is good.

ShephardsDelight Mon 27-Jan-14 14:46:28

we know that vivien,

niether is drinking, drugs, smoking, being underweight, being promiscuous from a young age, watching too much tv, too much computer time,...

being fat is the only thing that it is acceptable to be cruel about though...

frumpet Mon 27-Jan-14 14:47:04

I think there are two fat camps :
1 . those of us who overeat because we are a bit greedy , portions too big , too many little snacks etc
2. Those who have a toxic or addictive relationship with food .

And i suppose there is always camp 3 who are overweight due to medical conditions that they have no or little control over .

Eat less and move more is effective for camp 1 , would be effective for camp 2 once the emotional issues relating to eating are dealt with first .

WichitaLineman Mon 27-Jan-14 14:50:01

You probably won't find morbidly obsese people - the ones who are the target of all this indispensable advice about moving more and eating less - in camp 1 though, will you?

Rooners Mon 27-Jan-14 14:50:04

Oh, sorry Grennie. I misunderstood it as a personal attack.

Ignore me, I will stop meddling.

Wait it's unhealthy to be fat!? shock

Nooooooo i'll put the chips down now then viviien. hmm
You are so right op. I think that fat shaming seems to affect women disproportionally to men quite a lot too. Yes it's an addiction, but you've made yourself unfanciable and there is nothing lower at that point. hmm

Also unlike other drugs.. you can't give up food cold turkty. and your brain never gets over your addiction.

put it this way..I have never seen a smoker or a drunk person verbally abused in the street but have regularly seen overweight women be.

Viviennemary Mon 27-Jan-14 14:58:38

I was doing fine losing weight before Christmas. Then Christmas came and though I had good intentions not to overeat I did. That was my fault. I haven't found that people are cruel about overweight people. Most people are quite sympathetic and realise eating less and excercising more isn't as easy as it sounds. But others don't.

Viviennemary Mon 27-Jan-14 15:00:08

I didn't read these last few posts before posting again. Sorry.

Purplegirly Mon 27-Jan-14 15:02:13

Gosh Vivienne, you haven't found people are cruel??? You have been very lucky.,as I said earlier I eat because I hate myself, I used to self harm - this is just another way. People can be very cruel.

LessMissAbs Mon 27-Jan-14 15:04:09

No idea what this post is about or what a fat shamer is, or why only fat people are lazy, but off out for a run instead of posting threads on it.

Also when fat people get (life risking) gastric surgery to make themselves healthy. What do people say?

it's cheating
just have some self control

When someone wants to give up smoking..

good for you, It's so hard, have you tried e-cigs/patches/gums?

I suspect people who think it is acceptable to be cruel about larger people are just arseholes who would think it is ok to be cruel to anyone about anything.

fromparistoberlin Mon 27-Jan-14 15:13:07

yes....and...not everyone falls into this category of overeating emotionally

put another way, if we say that everyone who has a weight problem had emotional problems associated, how can we tackle it?

I have never been one of the people you describe OP

but we need to be able to discuss it without people getting sensitive as its a very worrrying issue

also, it is a coicidence that the rise in obesity is linked the the rise in disposable income, and the prevalance of shitty foods?
yet you say its down to raising a generation of compulsive overeaters?

I am not bashing you OP, but I think your argument is dangerous as it risks creating a culture where we skirt around the problem

it also completely cuts overweight kids out of the equation, they dont have emotional problems, they are in the main fed very poorly and its not their fault either

MrsDeVere Mon 27-Jan-14 15:15:09

I was watching 'obese a year to save my life' last week.
There was a young lad on it. He was only in his mid twenties.
He had lost a lot of weight. About 8 stone by half way though the programme.

But he was still a 'fat person' in his mind. He wore fat people's clothes and he saw him self as the same person. He just couldnt' see how much weight he had lost.

He also had a really severe case of gynecomastia.

All I could feel for him was sympathy. Poor lad.

It wasn't hard to see how he had reached the point he had and just how bloody hard it was to change even with all the help he was getting.

Lets face it you only have to eat a few hundred extra calories a day to put on weight and than can be a packet of crisps and a few biscuits.

TalkinPeace Mon 27-Jan-14 15:18:31

Most of the "weight loss industry" fails the people it is trying to help because they focus on the food
rather than the brain chemistry that has made food the drug of choice.

For any person with a dysfunctional relationship with food - be that too much, too little or specific foods
until the brain and the body can be brought into alignment, all that can be done by others is to offer support and encouragement and to wait.

sunshinemmum Mon 27-Jan-14 15:20:02

Thank you for this Wichit!

Mrs DV so true. Years ago I lost a fair bit of weight through SW and my leader told me that I would always feel fat inside - whether she should have said that I don't know but it is certainly true. To me I am still fat, and even when people make comments about how tiny I am (I'm not) I don't know who they are seeing.

I read an article yesterday that said all we need to eat is an extra 100 g of chocolate a day on top of our normal diet and we would gain 4 stone in a year!

Scary stuff.....

Hedgehog80 Mon 27-Jan-14 15:20:46

I would not ever judge somebody who is overweight as I know, given a different metabolism it would be me.

I over eat/comfort eat when I'm stressed/upset/nervous etc. I have an unhealthy relationship with food and have far too much sugar in my diet. Dh is at times disgusted by what I eat. He cannot believe that his DM and dsis (who are both very large) eat less than me and he has said how worried he is for my future health.

Because it doesn't show on the outside its easier for me to pretend I'm not being stupid with food but it must be damaging me on the inside but the problem is the same.

WorraLiberty Mon 27-Jan-14 15:22:28

It's also acceptable to be cruel and vitriolic about smokers

I think fat shaming and smoker shaming seem to be the favourite pass times of some Mnetters.

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