I'm having an ELCS in a few months and me and DH know the date it is booked for. I have always said from the start that I'd like to keep the date a secret so that it is something just he and I share and that in the days leading up to it we aren't going to get stress/questions/attention from family members and friends about it. I'm nervous enough about the procedure without having other people turning it into a big deal and projecting their issues and thoughts on tome.
I said to my DH I want it to be that the first anyone knows about baby being born is when we ring them afterwards to tell them - I just want the experience of 'breaking the news', that enjoyment of telling people he's been born and hearing their reactions and feeling like there is some magic to it all. I don't want it to be that everyone knows he's coming on a particular date and so are pretty nonchalant about it when we make the call. I want his arrival to have some sense of excitement and unpredictability. DH was fine about it and when people have asked us when the CS is booked for we have given them a fake date 
However, it came up in conversation yesterday again and it seems my DH misunderstood me and is under the impression that although we are giving out this fake date, on the actual morning of the CS we will ring his parents and tell them we are on our way to hospital to have it done. He told me his parents will be really, really upset if the birth is something we keep from them as it's nothing they have been part of before. He said his parents will want to be there with us. I explained that with an ELCS we will be on a ward, followed by theatre and followed by recovery - all areas where his parents can't be anyway!! I also explained that visiting hours aren't till 6pm at night so they couldn't see the baby until then anyway so why do they need to know first thing in the morning? Why can't we just tell them afterwards and excitedly break our news? He said they would probably want to book the day off work and just be at the hospital all day just to 'be there' when it's happening. WTH? Would anyone really do this?? Sit in a hospital canteen for 11 hours minimum with no guarantee they could even see the baby?? (I.e if I go to theatre late and don't come back from recovery until visiting hours have passed anyway).
Anyway, the conversation got a bit heated - but he is adamant they will be so, so upset if we 'keep it from them' I think he used the term 'lie to the ' until after the baby is born. I just think he's over reacting and turning this into some kind of drama that it doesn't have to be. It's not like I'm giving birth to Jesus Christ and it's going to be an amazing moment in history that can't be missed.... 
Me and DH are fine, we haven't fell out over it or anything but the issue has been left unresolved. He wants to tell his parents and I don't. I think he's going way OTT and he probably thinks I'm being unfair.
AIBU?
Am I or is DH? Keeping our ELCS date a secret.
Writerwannabe83 · 27/01/2014 08:36
They have the fake date - as do all my family. I have told DH that even if his parents do get told on the morning I still don't want mine to know. I want to 'break the arrival news' to family/friends even if he isn't fussed about that experience. Thankfully my parents aren't petty enough to go down the "how come his parents knew and we didn't" route. They will completely understand why I wanted to keep it a secret
samandi - my inlaws are actually really, really lovely, I am very lucky
In terms of them ringing round, they have nobody to ring. There is no other family really on my DHs side (except a brother he has no contact with) and his parents aren't close to my parents either. I have a huge family but my PIL wouldn't know how to contact them. If his parents do get told we will tell them it's otherwise a secret and I completely trust they wouldn't say anything.
hiccup - you're right, I may not even feel up to visitors at all. I'm probably going to look and feel like shit. Part of me is tempted to blanket ban all visitors on the first night anyway and just have it be me, my DH and the baby. I haven't dared cross that bridge with him yet though, lol
I felt like this too. And I know people who didn't want their induction date known either. It is up to you. People like to get involved for some reason, but I felt it was private, can't explain why... intimate I guess. We didn't tell anyone for a few hours after the birth either and it was a special time just the 3 of us.
Annoyingly I accidentally let slip to an old work colleague and got a few texts from others at that workplace the night before which was rather grrrr (nice of them, but still...)
In any case the elcs may get postponed anyway if they are busy or there's any other hiccup. I had a bad cough and they contemplated postponing. You're months away too, loads could change by then. We were vague about the date with in laws and eventually said when we were going in but it probably/might not happen. They seemed to sense our reticence to say and were good about it. My family just heard the announcement.
Of course second time around we will need someone to look after lo... So likely to be more open. But everything is different now we've done it once.
Good luck.
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Time for a hormonally fuelled tantrum perhaps?? 
Thankfully our entire family is quite reasonable in issues like this, which is good because DP is a bigger blabber mouth than me! 
Im not sure what, other than a prolonged and in depth tantrum it works for me you can do atm.
I suppose, in terms of them being in the way, even if they are holding a vigil in the hospital canteen, you don't HAVE to see them. You can just make it quite clear to the staff of whichever ward you are on, that you DO NOT want any visitors. DP can go find them and tell them the news at his leisure then.
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