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Is my new boyfriend weird/tight about money?

(100 Posts)
laalmond Thu 23-Jan-14 21:11:45

...or am I just being a grumpy cow?
We have been together for five and a half months. We have a great time together, I do love him and he loves me. He recently had to close his cafe and so is now looking for work. He was not really making much to begin with. That never bothered me.
I am a single mum, self employed and on a very low wage. We share the bills when we go out.
He is loving, cooks for me, has fixed stuff in the house, very, very generous in the bedroom. Perfect right?
There are the odd tiny things that bother me, but I can't tell if I'm being too money focused or intolerant about it all.
He says he's going to do things and never does..e.g buy a book I wanted for Christmas, said he had ordered it, but obviously never did. Don't really care about the lack of Xmas present, more that he lied.

He comes round twice a week, does the cooking, but always empty handed. I know I'm starting to sound like a nit picking cow, but I'm trying to feed myself and two kids here..times are tight. I wouldn't dream of going to his without a little something. I'm not expecting him to turn up with tonnes of food, but every now and again, something would be nice. It's more about the attitude than the "stuff"
He will take some sausages out of my freezer so he doesn't have to go to the shop on the way home. Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.
I, of course am saying nothing, being nice and just venting on the internet. Great.
He really doesn't have any money now, I know that, but it feels like he thinks I have endless supplies of food. He has asked me for money once, I gave him a tenner.
When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack, the waitress was really surprised.

I think I just need some perspective please. I know he is struggling, but he has enough to go to the pub once a week...

Coldlightofday Thu 23-Jan-14 21:13:48

Have you spoken to him about it? Perhaps he doesn't realise how tight your situation is?

IHaveSeenMyHat Thu 23-Jan-14 21:13:54

I think he sounds pretty tight, yep.

I mean, nicking sausages out of your freezer to take home is taking the piss.

Again, I know, who gives a shit about sausages, but they were for the kids dinner.

In those circumstances, I would definitely give a shit!

Have you broached the subject with him?

MrsMaryCooper Thu 23-Jan-14 21:16:09

We are comfortable financially. If DH (or anyone) removed food earmarked for the kids I would go nuclear. It is not the money but it fucks with my meal planning and sometimes there isn't anything else in the house that DS will eat.

He's not great.

LEMmingaround Thu 23-Jan-14 21:16:31

I hope he isn't going to turn out to be a cock lodger

laalmond Thu 23-Jan-14 21:16:35

I said one night how I dislike tight people, but no. I'm being a chicken. I will bring it up. I think I just needed to get it clear in my head first.

RandyRudolf Thu 23-Jan-14 21:16:53

He has a few cocklodgery traits.

MarjoryStewartBaxter Thu 23-Jan-14 21:16:54

Sorry OP, he sounds like a right tight arse sad

And I'd care about the sausages, I'd be frigging fuming!

MaxPepsi Thu 23-Jan-14 21:17:32

He's taking the piss!

Taking something from the cupboard/fridge would be ok just. But from the freezer???

And as for charging his own girlfriend full price in his cafe, words fail me!

Fifyfomum Thu 23-Jan-14 21:18:56

No you aren't being ridiculous, he is behaving terribly. Charging you full price in his own cafe?

I wouldn't stand for it.

Coldlightofday Thu 23-Jan-14 21:19:09

What is a cock lodger, please?

cheminotte Thu 23-Jan-14 21:19:15

I don't think you are being weird. Sounds very one-sided to me. You are paying for him and he charges you full price at his cafe.

RandyRudolf Thu 23-Jan-14 21:19:33

Find an opportunity to borrow a couple of quid from him and then see if he asks for it back. I'm talking say £2 here, for parking or to because you're short of change etc. He's probably keeping tabs.

VelvetSpoon Thu 23-Jan-14 21:19:40

Bollocks to struggling. He's a single man with no dependents. What's he doing about looking for work? Is he really making an effort or just going through the motions?

He has absolutely no right taking your food - it would be a different thing if either you did the same when you went to his, or if you did a joint shop (paid for equally) or whatever. But this very much sounds to me like a cocklodger in the making.

I'd bin him off, I have no interest in supporting any man financially. If you're not ready to do that, just be on your guard and under no circumstances let him move in, even temporarily (because it won't be, and once he gets his feet under the table, it'll be much harder to get rid!)

MsVestibule Thu 23-Jan-14 21:19:51

This would bother me. If he has money to go to the pub every week (at least a tenner, I would think), he can afford to buy his own food. If he tries to take something again, just ask him to put it back, saying "That's for our tea tomorrow".

The book thing is just a bit weird confused. Did you ask him about it?

Mandala72 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:20:09

Yes. The sausages did make me feel odd. Oh shit. Never heard the term cocklodger before. Made me laugh. Then sad.

OpalQuartz Thu 23-Jan-14 21:22:50

No that would annoy me too and When I went for lunch at his cafe, he charged me full whack shock

stickysausages Thu 23-Jan-14 21:23:44

Dump him. Sorry OP

SparklyTwinkleGlitter Thu 23-Jan-14 21:24:12

He doesn't sound much of a catch to me. :-/

CoffeeTea103 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:24:26

Yanbu, it's good that you've spotted this early on. In fact he should think that you're a single mum with 2 kids and should not be taking food off you.
I think he does things like cook the food to disguise the fact that he isn't really providing anything.
It would be good to speak to Him about it though.

squoosh Thu 23-Jan-14 21:25:20

Sounds as tight as a duck's bum I'm afraid. Yes he may have very limited funds but that's not really an excuse for his taking from you and never really giving back.

RandyRudolf Thu 23-Jan-14 21:26:03

How is he with the kids?

Mandala72 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:26:19

Thanks all. I will talk to him about it. God I wish I could text it instead.

Iwannalaylikethisforever Thu 23-Jan-14 21:26:55

He needs to get some bloody self respect.
Don't let him take yours.
Get rid.

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