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AIBU?

to not want my FIL to move near us

14 replies

confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:03

I used to get on with him, but then i married DH and i got to see the real nature of my FIL. DH has agreed in the past that he's a pain and after alot of arguments, agreed to not encourage him to move near us.

We have 3 SN kids and we really struggle with them, so don't need anymore hassle. Here are some of the reasons why i went off him:-

  1. FIL has not worked since he was 30 something as he couldn't be bothered (DH's words not mine). So DH got into habit of rescuing FIL, leaving me to subsidise us. e.g. he bought FIL a car (cos FIL doesn't do public transport?!!?!) and left me to buy the family car.
  2. He asked DH for the keys to MY house (DH had a different house at the time), so he could 'look after' it whilst we were away. He just wanted to doss there. DH pointed out that my parents would be 'looking after' my house so no need for him to have a key.
  3. He then had an expectation of us lending him MY car whilst he was between cars (cos he doesn't do public transport!)
  4. He refused to get on a train to go and pick up his new car bought by his son (cos he doesn't do public transport). He expected us to 4 hour round trip to take him there and back. We had a 1 month old baby!
  5. He told me that the man of the house should make all the decisions (after recently being a guest in MY house for weeks and eating food that i'd bought and paid for).
  6. He's completely lazy and expects to be waited on (eg. asked me to go make a sandwich for him 2 days after i had a csect and had hardly any sleep).
  7. turns up without warning, even when you've asked him not to come on a particular day, and then whistles at us to make him a cup of tea.
  8. The worst thing is he tried it on with my Mum who is in a relationship. She was not interested and was mortified, and now feels very uncomfortable around him. He's still too hands on with her despite being told to keep his distance.
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confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:05

So DH walks in the other day and said FIL was in the area cos he's just registered with local council for housing !!!!!!!!!!!! I'm now working out where to move !

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BadChat25 · 23/01/2014 21:06

Sorry OP. Just to clarify does your FIL want to move near you?

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BadChat25 · 23/01/2014 21:08

Sorry X Post. To be honest I don't see there is anything you can do about it if he does. It's his choice. Council housing lists are very long and he is unlikely to get one for a very long time if he already has suitable accommodation.

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matildamatilda · 23/01/2014 21:09

He needs to just not be in your house. Do you have kids?

So really where he lives is not an issue, in that sense.

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DontmindifIdo · 23/01/2014 21:14

YANU - but there's little you can do about it, other than try to make comments about how many friends he has near where he lives now (assuming he has friends) and how busy your lives are so you couldn't spend much time with him...

If he does move near by, it has to be agreed with your DH that he doesn't have a key and that DH does'nt not spend family money on bailing out your FIL out of habit, if you have 3 DCs with SN any spare money should be spent on making life easier for you or saved for the future (depending on the SN your DCs have, they might need more support as adults than others).

You can't be expected to "look after" FIL too.

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confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:15

Yes FIL is trying to move near us. We do have kids. Where he lives will be an issue. He's the type of bloke who just comes round and sits in house. No warning. Just does as he wants.

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SybilRamkin · 23/01/2014 21:17

Yikes, don't let him in your house whatever you do! Sounds like a nightmare, and totally toxic. Have a stern word with your DH about not spending money on him unless both you and he have agreed on it.

Good luck Flowers

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confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:18

Yes we are already spending alot of money on our SN kids. Infact whole day runs around SN kids routine. I really don't want to have to see him more than i do already.

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confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:19

I will have to hope that he wont get council accom then.

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confused3331 · 23/01/2014 21:21

He has no friends. He does not want to make friends of his own age as he says it will make him feel old. He does however makes comments about 40 year old women staring at his crotch and that he thinks they are after a bit !!!!!!!

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DontmindifIdo · 23/01/2014 22:06

Then you don't go whom akey

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DontmindifIdo · 23/01/2014 22:08

Sorry, not sure what happened to my phone then!

Try again: then you don't give him a key, when you answer the door "sorry, we're just about to pop out."

He might just be an odious man to you, but he's your DHs dad, no matter how little he approves of his life choices, your DH will love him. Be kind for your DHs sake, not your FIL's.

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Sparkletshirt · 23/01/2014 22:43

He sounds like a really scary bloke. My mil and my neighbour were like that, slowly we turned off our mobiles, then unplugged the phone, then disconnected the doorbell and didn't answer the door. Can you just ignore him? They seem to think any contact is good, even when you're begging them to leave you alone. Totally ignoring them is all they understand.

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Joysmum · 23/01/2014 22:53

Hope your husband doesn't give him mixed messages and is clear with the boundaries. If not, you're screwed.

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