to ask the health visitor why she's here

[womblesofwestminster]

Recently I got a letter from the health visiting team. It was informing me that an appointment had been made for a home visit for my DS because he has just turned 2.

DS is not a PFB. There's been no concerns with his development or health. No missed vaccinations or GP appointments. Nothing. So why the need for the visit?

I phoned and cancelled the appointment saying I had no concerns with my DS. They phoned back a few days later to say another appointment had been arranged. WTF? I thought this service was optional not mandatory?!

[itsnotthateasy]

Sorry , I can't help as it was a long time mine were 2 ..

I do recall 6 month and 12 month checks . .. Is your DS perhaps due a milestone visit ? Hope somebody else can answer you but try not to fret.

[CrohnicallyFarting]

It's a routine appointment, every child is invited to have one. Yes, it's optional. Having said that refusal will raise red flags, I'm afraid, particularly if your child hasn't been seen by a doctor recently, and doesn't attend nursery, as they may think you have something to hide.

[DustyBaubles]

It is optional, but they will keep trying for a while as they want they boxes ticked, and their backs covered.

I'm not a great user of the HV service, but I let them do their developmental checks, and as we have older children it was a bonus if they offered to visit me, rather than have me drag the family to them

They will drop it eventually though, unless they have any cause for concern.

[WelshMaenad]

Ds had a 2 year check, we took him to clinic. We has very limited involvement with the HV as she just let us get on with things but I saw no harm in the check, just an opportunity to show off what a bright wee thing he is!

[BadChat25]

It's routine. Why are you so against it?

[OodlesofOodles]

Think there's a 2 year check, might be one with free books too? Can't remember exactly and dd3 is only 3

[womblesofwestminster]

Having said that refusal will raise red flags, I'm afraid, particularly if your child hasn't been seen by a doctor recently, and doesn't attend nursery, as they may think you have something to hide.

So how can it really be optional when there is duress involved?

Also, AIBU to ask her the purpose of the visit (when she's here) in light of the fact I said there were no concerns. I feel pretty pissed off tbh and feel undermined and under suspicion.

[arethereanyleftatall]

The purpose of the visit is to check your child is ok. They're damned if they do and damned if they don't. yabu.

[BadChat25]

Your reaction to a routine check up seems a tad extreme and over sensitive.

They do it with everyone, not just you.

[kungfupannda]

You're entitled to refuse, but it probably will trigger some sort of basic checks.

The problem the HVs face is that when one of the high profile cases of child neglect and death occurs, it often turns out that the child had not been seen by any professionals for a long time leading up to their death. There is then an outcry about "What were the HVs doing? Where were the professionals?"

If we want to live in a society where there is an effective safety net for abused children and struggling families, then those of us who don't need that support or scrutiny really do need to accept that certain routine checks and procedures will take place, and that these might be inconvenient or irrelevant to us. If no-one co-operates, then it is harder for the professionals to sort the sinister non-cooperation from the non-sinister. DS2 just had his 2 year check, and it was just a tick box exercise and a quick chat. Completely unnecessary, but it's one less child that the HVs have to worry about, so they can focus their time on those who need their support.

[womblesofwestminster]

BadChat25 many reasons I guess. Here's some of them:

1. I feel under surveillance - in my own home. It violates my sense of personal liberty.
2. They keep trying to arrange the appointment in the morning, which is my busiest time, trying to get both kids fed, changed and the elder DC off to nursery.
3. I see it as a complete waste of NHS resources, especially as there have been no red flags in the past.
4. Waste of my time. I'm a busy person.

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

DS1 is 2.4, I was told the developmental check was at 3yo now. I'm in Scotland though.

[BadChat25]

Maybe you should call and suggest a suitable time instead of them telling you.

It is for the benefit of your child. I don't understand your reasoning tbh

[kungfupannda]

Well why not contact them and arrange the appt for a more convenient time?

[womblesofwestminster]

DS2 just had his 2 year check, and it was just a tick box exercise and a quick chat. Completely unnecessary

Yup, I had it with my DD (who is now 3). I remember vividly it was a waste of time, hence why I'm pissed. It makes no sense to target resources on the majority to sieve out the minority. Does this happen in the USA?

[BadChat25]

I'm in Edinburgh and we get one at 2 and 3

[DinoSnores]

I refused DS's 2 year one as his 9 month one had been entirely pointless. They haven't been in touch at all, despite the fact that DS has had 2 A&E visits in the last 12 months which is supposed to be a yellow flag.

[MimsyBorogroves]

I wouldn't mind having one (my 2 year old is due one...) but in this authority we have to have "group contact" - not even 1-1. So sitting round with a group of strangers and their babies finding out how they're all doing too.

Apparently it's done like that to encourage friendships. Because half an hour will really do that. And I just LOVE being forced into "making friends".

Yep, fucks me right off.

[Musicaltheatremum]

There is a new check now at 2. Our HVs feel it is turning up a few unexpected developmental problems. I feel sorry for HVs they cannot win. Agree some aren't as good as others. But hearing that one of ours had been in tears by a father being incredibly rude and aggressive to her I really felt for her.
Sometimes just accept the system and empathise with them. It's only one appointment. And yes I know it's our right to refuse but there are managers higher up who don't like it when people refuse.

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

I had no concerns over ds2 - he was not talking but just seemed slower than his sister and had been walking since 10 months. At his 2 year check the HV noticed he wasn't responding to his name and suggested referral for hearing tests and a developmental assessment. I agreed to the referral in a kind of "better safe than sorry way" and as we waited for the tests my concerns over his development grew and I was glad he had already been referred.............
Ds has ASD and severe learning difficulties. Early diagnosis meant he had interventions as soon as possible and ensured he had a place in special school at the age of 3.

Cancel if you want to but these visits do serve an important purpose and a good HV like mine will often see things a parent has missed.

[saffstel]

You are supposed to have 1 and 2 year checks. Where I live, due to funding, instead you get a lame leaflet in the post listing milestones and if your child doesn't meet them you can make an appointment.

I would have quite liked them for dd1

[arethereanyleftatall]

I find your attitude awful op. Absolutely horrible and awful. In very sorry you don't want to waste 20mins of your precious time, but perhaps this way another baby p, for example, may be saved. Try to think about others sone time.

[womblesofwestminster]

In very sorry you don't want to waste 20mins of your precious time, but perhaps this way another baby p, for example, may be saved. Try to think about others sone time.

There must be a better, cost effective-way of sieving out the baby ps.

[oadcb]

damned if they do. damned if they don't

just like social workers.

Id like to see H.V with more statutory powers. However this Wouldnt work under Current scheme. The interventions are too opinion led and not based on a firm evidence base.

[SaucyJack]

I feel under surveillance - in my own home.

Let's be honest- you ARE.

I totally totally get why you don't like having your family spied upon, but they'll generally go away quicker if you co-operate.