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to have "told" the school

(29 Posts)
ditheringnow Wed 22-Jan-14 13:43:56

Name changed as really must be secret squirrel here.
DS is sixth form at a school with a boarding component. He came home last night and told me about this
http://www.independent.ie/business/technology/meas-concern-as-neck-nominations-facebook-game-reaches-ireland-29932254.html
Had never heard of it but seems to be some stupidly dangerous facebook game bit like a chain letter but if tagged you have to film yourself binge drinking!
DS told me in a "how stupid is this" kind of a way (thankfully and a little suprisingly !) but he also was talking about it because two school pupils had posted facebook videos of themselves doing this, on school premises. One in a day house and one in a boarding house. This seems to be common knowledge among his year group butobv not among the staff. He showed me one video.
I have just emailed his tutor to tell him what is going on, not naming the culprits. Firstly (and mainly) because I am concerned that someones child might end up getting hurt and secondly because it could really damage the school if it came out and they had not known or done anythng about it.
I have reiterated that DS is not involved and that it must be confidential but now I am worried I should have just ignored it, I dont want to get him or anyone else in trouble but would feel terrible if something bad happened and I had kept quiet.
Cant discuss with DH as he is too honest and should the need to deny to DS and involvemnt on my part arise, he would be hopeless and confess!

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 22-Jan-14 13:50:59

You sound like a fusspot. Did you never get drunk in a field and fall in a hedge? Kids have fun. It has always been so. Lets hope ds does not get blamed for mummy being a grass.

BarbarianMum Wed 22-Jan-14 13:51:09

YANBU

If your ds had been involved wouldn't you have wanted to know - or at least for someone to have intervened?

BarbarianMum Wed 22-Jan-14 13:51:49

Well, at least you'll get a diversity of opinion here grin

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 22-Jan-14 13:53:10

grin

ditheringnow Wed 22-Jan-14 13:54:46

PNbeforexmas, yes I have but have also been sat in hospital next to a child on a drip with alcohol poisoning, my concern is that younger kids will think this a great idea to look cool.
Plus the whole "chain letter" nastiness of it really

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 22-Jan-14 13:57:57

I can't get worked up about teenagers and alcohol. They will all experiment with drink. At least your ds had the sense to tell you (and perhaps he was looking for guidance from you). You have kind of thrown his trust back in his face by running to the teachers.

impty Wed 22-Jan-14 13:59:31

I think at 6th Form, drinking and drinking games comes with the territory. At that age more than once I had friends stay at my Mums because they were, "a little unwell". I don't think she said any more than that to their parents. I'm quite sure they read between the lines.

So, I think it's fine to warn the school to be more vigilant, but I wouldn't loose much sleep over it.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 22-Jan-14 14:03:00

This is the kind of thing kids do at boarding school, ime. DHs school was ridiculously open about it, more secretive at mine.

But it's good that you care and it will be helpful for the staff to know.

mollypup Wed 22-Jan-14 14:06:06

YABU. Like others have said teenagers will experiment. I drunk copiously from around the age of 15-20 along with the vast majority of my peers. Now at 23 I drink once every few months at a push purely because it doesn't appeal to me anymore.

FunLovinBunster Wed 22-Jan-14 14:09:35

Really, property?
YANBU OP. the chain letter part, the pics etc etc, smacks of bullying. Encouraging underage drinking is not on, either.

monkeymamma Wed 22-Jan-14 14:09:49

Yanbu, bloody hell they were on school property! Think you have totally done the right thing OP and I am generally very laid back about this kind of thing. You are probably best off not mentioning this to dh for the reasons you state. Your son sounds lovely too and it's great that you have the kind of r'ship where this kind if thing can be discussed, lots of kids joining in the Facebook thing won't have that...

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS Wed 22-Jan-14 14:10:16

Really.

hootloop Wed 22-Jan-14 14:16:59

I would have done the same as you OP.
Equally though it is the kind of risky pissing about I would have done at 6th form.

Sounds totally normal behaviour to me, I often think I must have come from some sinkhole and not realised it when I read things on here. Experimenting with drink and drugs and sex were all totally part of life in my mid-teens to early 20's. I don't know anyone who didn't or anyone who still does (well most have a drink now and again but rarely excess).

But I think its sweet that you 'told the teacher' op... I really hope your DS doesn't find out though as I doubt he would tell you about anything else.

BrokenButNotFinished Wed 22-Jan-14 15:18:34

I think you did the right thing. It may be the case that young people 'hone' their drinking skills as teenagers, but one still has a duty to throw obstacles in their path. It's illegal, they are minors, the school has a duty of care. And the boarders, arguably, are more vulnerable since away from their families. The Facebook thing smacks of bullying.

The OP doesn't actually say that her son swore her to silence... He may actually have [subconsciously] wanted her to do something. My children are younger than this, but on the occasion of telling me something dodgy, I explain to them that I can guarantee discretion, but not secrecy. Child protection training also indicates that you must say you can't promise secrecy.

And no - I didn't do this as a young adult. But my mother was an alcoholic, so I was sick to death of drink. I did however find myself at parties sitting next to someone off their face and in the recovery position... or, later, hiding car keys. :-\

Anyway, don't feel bad about it. I would have done the same.

following Wed 22-Jan-14 15:52:54

yabu ,i think you may have lost your ds trust now if he finds out you went running to the teachers , all teens try alcohol , sex , drugs and smoking ,your son included , its not shocking behaviour tbh .

MeepMeepVrooooom Wed 22-Jan-14 15:55:13

I wouldn't have said anything. But then when I was at school I was probably the one drinking on the premises from time to time blush

BrianTheMole Wed 22-Jan-14 15:55:30

Yanbu. I would have done the same.

LadyFlumpalot Wed 22-Jan-14 16:05:13

Ooooh! That's what that is! I've seen it around on facebook but down this way it seems to be drinking stupid things, one this morning was drinking a glass of slightly diluted bubble bath.

Scholes34 Wed 22-Jan-14 17:01:48

YANBU. Drinking is one thing, binge-drinking another. Plus I've known someone hospitalised for drinking bubble bath, but then plenty of people are saying these youngsters need to experiment. I'm sure they're thinking there's no harm done, but they're just as irresponsible as the teenagers we're talking about.

Worried3 Wed 22-Jan-14 18:18:28

YANBU

Yes, teenagers will try to experiment with drink etc, but that doesn't mean all adults who are responsible for them and love them should just accept they can do anything they want to without any consequences.

Binge drinking is not something adults should condone it (yes, we have all done it, some still do) because it can be damaging to health and in a minority of cases can set up patterns of behaviour. That, and drinking can cause teenagers to end up in situations that put them in vulnerable and/or dangerous situations (as it can with adults, I suppose). Finally, what these pupils are doing is against the rules- they will know they are doing wrong and doing so on school property. Teenagers need to learn actions have consequences.

I'm a doctor- I have seen the effects of alcohol excess first hand, and they certainly aren't limited to a few embarrassing stories and a bad headache the next day. And I'm not just talking alcoholic liver disease. I like a drink occasionally, and drank excessively as a student, so I'm not naive enough to think that people won't do it. However, I wouldn't be happy to merrily condone alcohol excess in school age children.

As a junior doctor in A&E I saw so many injuries/broken bones as a result, I also treated a young woman who was found passed out in the street- she had been assaulted but had been so drunk she couldn't was unable to recall enough details for a full investigation (I am NOT saying she deserved to be assaulted because she was drunk- just that she was in a vulnerable state due to drink and then couldn't get justice because she couldn't remember details).

One of the most harrowing I experienced was the young man who'd got drunk, fell over and hit his head- suffering a massive subdural haemorrhage as a result. Nobody noticed a deterioration in his condition- the friends he was with were drunk too and had initially put his symptoms down to alcohol- they thought he'd passed out when he lapsed into unconsciousness. He ended up in ICU and severely brain injured.

dozeydoris Wed 22-Jan-14 18:26:27

Yanbu, those on here happy to see binge drinking are naïve, imo, there is a risk of hypothermia at this time of year when teens get rat arsed and flake out out of doors.

Typical stupid British getting drunk is fun attitude.

treas Wed 22-Jan-14 18:39:36

Personally I think YANBU but then I 'told' Dc's school when another child A's profile page was being forwarded around an entire year group as it concerned some reference to the 'A' wanting to commit suicide and some other children were telling 'A' to do it.

I emailed the school as I would have felt awful if something bad had happened.

HamletsSister Wed 22-Jan-14 18:43:33

Also, bingeing on beer or cider = bad. Bingeing on spirits / cocktails / alcohols mixed with vodka = possibly lethal.

A god friend of my cousin died from drinking a whole bottle of whisky as a birthday dare.

Not to mention the dangers of being drunk and something happening. Can you imagine how guilty the OP would feel if something terrible happened and it could have been stopped.

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