or is dp?

(31 Posts)
harriet247 Wed 22-Jan-14 10:54:20

So recently myself and dp have had some money problems which I think may acxount for some of this but we are just not getting on. We have 1 year old dd, he works full time as a manager in clothes store and im full time student. The last few weeks dp has been rota-ing his days off to fall on days when I am in college and dd is in nursery so he has effectively a whole day to himself.
Every time he has not done anything to help in the house, I do 99% of the housework anyway but my misguided brain thought he would at least do something.
I snapped last night and said he was taking the piss and he had the cheek to say he had washed up then proceeded with the silent treatment.
We do have money problems at the moment so I think he is stressed about that but he refuses to do anything constructive about it. Last week when I said he should sell some of his old things he gave me the silent treatment again. These thibgs are all electrical items.. a flat screen tv, car stereos etc.not sentimental.
I just feel like im being pushed into being a skint little housewife and that he is manipulating the situation.
Its making me miserable and I dont want to break up our family but I refuse to stay in a relationship like this.
Before we had dd he was helpful and kind and generous, helped with house, cooked lovely dinners... I am so exhausted at the end of everyday and I cant help feeling iy would be easier to be alone. I love him very much though and he is a great dad

Am I being unreasonable to expect more??

harriet247 Wed 22-Jan-14 13:18:06

I dont mind keeping 'his' and selling 'mine', it just seems silly to swap it all over really. Yes I get tax credits and a student loan so I do have money but it goes on food etc so its not like im sponging off him.
His reaction to doing something to lower the monthly repayments was silence sad
I really feel so desperate and sad today.
Thankyou for the comments everyone

doodahwhatsit Wed 22-Jan-14 13:45:29

whatever the ins and outs of who owns what etc, his response of silence isn´t helpful at all and I can see why you are worried about the long term if he can´t discuss the issues (even if it is to say `I don´t agree with you but what about . . . .`) sad

doodahwhatsit Wed 22-Jan-14 13:46:36

make sure you stick with your course, if you have a guaranteed job

KellyElly Wed 22-Jan-14 13:50:24

Yes I get tax credits and a student loan so I do have money but it goes on food etc so its not like im sponging off him. This is what I thought OP and wanted you to clarify this for the posters who seem to think he is shouldering all the financial responsibility and you should go and get part time work. You are contributing, studying full time, doing the lions share of the house work and also child care. He needs to step up and do more and sell his stuff to pay off his loan! YANBU at all.

harriet247 Wed 22-Jan-14 14:17:44

Thanks everyone I do appreciate it. Even the yabu ones are good for how he may see things etc x

redskyatnight Wed 22-Jan-14 14:56:41

Lulu doesn't sound like anything is "theirs" - OP has neatly divided things in to "his" and "mine". Basically the stuff in the house that they are using is all things chosen/bought by her. When DH and I moved in together, he said stuff like "we should use my tv, it's bigger, my sofa is newer". Before we knew it we were using all "his" things. It may have been better and nicer and it was "ours" as in he was perfectly happy for me to use it and wasn't remotely bothered that it had originally been his. But every so often I'd feel like I'd had no say in the place I was living in and my things were inferior.. So we got some of my stuff out the garage, bought more things together. If DH had suggested we sold my stuff I would not have been happy.

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